How to Poop FAST during a Marathon and still PR (💩 in less than 15 seconds)

Since my friend recently lamented that there was no proper guide on how to poop fast in the middle of a race, I made one. DISCLAIMER: Results based off of men. May be different for Women.

[sun-]

never in my life did i think id watch a shitting tutorial

[brandongodfrey]

I may have messed up. Watching this on my phone from a porta potty halfway through my marathon.

[Syrup]

me using all the toilet paper and pooping on the seat to slow down the other speedpoopers:

[Michalosnup]

Strategically eat before the marathon, so you have to poop in the last 5 kms. Nothing motivates you to run fast more then chance of shitting yourself

[darkunicorn]

This has got to be one of the best combinations of serious and shitposting I have ever seen

[avatar]

Remind me to never high five a marathon runner ever again

[drewman]

This is hilarious, “It’s normal after taking a poop to feel a sense of accomplishment.”

[TieDye]

I can’t tell if this is satire. Excellent work

Christ. Imagining somebody dashing up to a port a potty, checking 2 before picking one, slamming in, then popping out at pace 10 seconds later

[ninjamaterial]

Tbh this may be the most important video in marathoning.

[evan]

The algorithm works in mysterious ways

[sheldon]

Crazy never thought about my pr poop time until now

[commonlyfoundreader]

I got this randomly recommended. I’m not no marathon runner but this is actually useful for those long school days

[johnchambers]

Actually, the real pros use the "poop-rocket" technique, which was perfected by Albert Dorsell when he pulled down his shorts and pooped mid-run in 1938. The mass of the poop log leaving his body produced a forward thrust like a rocket... This resulted in him beating his previous marathon time by 0.012 seconds. It's a complicated maneuver, I've only seen it done properly twice.

[Emil-ejof]

Finally someone answers the important questions.

[HarpanW]

as someone who has never and will never run a marathon this is absurd to me

[wesleylozano]

Alternative method for those poops that just don't want to come out on time - face the back of the PP, feet on bench around toilet seat, full squat to clear up the exit route

[rabk]

Best Running advice I've been given in the last decade. I've got a porta on my street from a new house build. I'm going to get some practice in this week.

[Noebarrell]

we want to reduce touch-age as much as possible is so true tbh

[sebastianfries]

When exiting, ensure the door is unlocked, the potty may fall over

[robertonarvaez]

Thank you for addressing an important but over looked topic. I believe in preventive measures. At 48 hours before the start of a long race I time my poops to make sure I don't get a bowel movement that morning. If I get a bowel movement the night before a race or immediately when I wake up the morning of the race I'm happy because that's what I try to shoot for to prevent misery later.