Secretly Sad While Teaching

Hey gang-

I wanted to share a bit of what has been happening in our family as a way to hopefully help some of you that might be going through something similar. Hope you all are well.
Peace...
Reynolds
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Music
Kia Orion

[debbieleyva]

My good friend, Terri Stewart, who is a pastor, once told me: Everyone wants 100% from you 100% of the time. Your job, your partner, your kids, your church, anything you are involved in or have committed to. BUT SOMETIMES 60% IS 100% of what you have to give. AND THAT’S OK. That has taken me through some dark times.

[CatAndrina]

This video resonated with me as I have lost 8 family members in the last 5 years, and 1 of those was my father. My mother is currently very ill and does not have much longer and the pain of everything has made teaching very difficult for me in these past few years. Thanks for helping me realize that it takes time to deal with our emotions. Sending my condolences to you and your family.

[taylorcole]

This is my second year teaching (23), and in the first month of school, my mom (47) passed away unexpectedly and with no reason identified (to this day). It was VERY strange, VERY upsetting, and VERY unexpected. Going into this second year, I wanted to be the teacher that planned great lessons with bells and whistles every day, and after my mom passed, I couldn't do that. Those in similar boats, listen to this advice from Reynolds. Take time for yourself. Your lessons don't need to be perfect. Just like a wound, it'll fester if you don't take care of it. When I left for my bereavement, I said to my principal, "I will be better, new, and great when I get back from this week off to process! I promise!" He said, "But it's okay if you're not all those things." Take time. It isn't an overnight process. And that's 110% okay. Thanks for the video, Reynolds.

[themrscj]

I'm the type who doesn't want to talk about it. When I think about my parents passing one day, I literally pray that I'm out of the classroom by that time. Cuz I know my sweet students trying to console me will be so hard for me. I would rather crawl into a hole for a while. Thanks for helping us realize we don't need permission to just take care of ourselves however long it takes.

[bigideas]

I was in the middle of my student teaching when my middle child was hospitalized. It seemed like too much to handle at the time but in retrospect it trained me to function in the midst of that pain, in spite of it.
Since then there are several things that have threatened to bring me down but I keep going.
Routine is huge, self care is something I'm working on, and cultivating clear vision for my day, my month, my year is what continues to provide perspective and purpose.
Thank you for modeling this and being real.

[riahtunes]

I resonate with what you have to say on this topic. You can always tell when someone else knows grief and when they don't. Your words mean more because of the grief you've endured.

I will say though, I DO think God gives us more than we can handle --at least pain, not temptation to sin (See 1Cor10:13).

When I'm not handling it well, I lean on Him more. God is always my steady rock. He helps make meaning and life out of pain and death. Praying for you Reynolds ❤

[jcall]

"If the car doesn't have gas, nobody's going anywhere." Facts.

Thank you from all the folks who need to know that it's okay to have seasons when bearing an emotional burden means that my best isn't as good as I want it to be.

Last April I was one of those people who didn't know how to go back to the day-to-day of teaching with that hefty, unwieldy weight of grief slung over my shoulder. My grandpa had just died and I got the news in the middle of 1st period. I was amazed by the compassionate understanding of my students and colleagues, but I think what I needed to hear—what others will be blessed to hear from you—is that it is okay to mourn, for your expectations on yourself to diminish while your emotional resources are tied up. We all want to be superman, but in the weeks and months that follow, the most important thing is to find the support of a therapist or friend, to take care of yourself, and to fill yourself up (with SOME angel food cake!) so that we can keep the car moving.

[AGDinCA]

This topic came at a very good time. Many of us will be sad due to loss upon our return. And, let's face it, some of us won't return. Some children, too, will be sad. How to cope?

I think being honest is the absolute best policy. Children have feelings, too, and can empathize. Tell them how you feel. Allow yourself to be sad and vulnerable in front of them. And then, keep pushing forward.

Let them see you struggle so they know it's OK and normal to struggle. Let them see it's two steps forward, one step back. But also let them see you persevere. Let them experience your journey so they can see that grownups are not immune to difficulties and there is nothing wrong with them when they struggle.

[terrificintk]

I’m a firm believer in “get over it and get on with your life” most of the time, but for big hurts and big loss, therapy is one of the best things you can give yourself! Therapy+Time+Grace= Healing!!

[dominiqueakpore]

My maternal grandmother (who I was very close with) passed away last February after a long illness. I knew about January when she was placed in Hospice that the end was near for her and I was devastated. Primarily because I was too states away and didn't get the time to say goodbye properly like I wanted to. I was up front with my team who were very understanding. I was also honest with my students. I told them what was happening and actually apologized to them in advance because they would not be getting 100% of me right now. I was shocked and comforted by their kindness. I was at school when I got the news of her passing, having just finished my observation. I spent my lunch and planning period crying then pulled myself together to teach my last two classes if the day. Those three days before I left to attend her funeral were a blur. I got through it with help from my teacher team. I truly think it's ok for students to see that you are human, not be an open book to them, but let them know that people deal with things that they can't even imagine and to always show empathy. Prayers to your family and I'm so sorry for your loss.

[jo_de]

Thanks for that. I have been Showing up for the kids for online language learning and they just get a glimpse of the surrounding in my house. Whatever I let them see. They don’t see the cat flipping out or the basket of dirty laundry right out of the cameras view haha. Also they only see the expressions I let them see. I’ve been stuck in the house, watching over my children for any sniffles, fevers or coughs. But when it’s show time, it’s smiles and energy.

[nwalker]

Remember, the same is true for our students.

[rebeccatyndall]

I’ve totally been in this space. From taking care of my MIL, to losing my Mama, to losing my MIL, to taking care of and then losing my FIL, I was a mess. This video speaks volumes and I’m thankful that you shared it. Prayers and blessings, Reynolds.

[colleenpau]

This is great wisdom. Thank you. So sorry for your losses.

[HotforTeaching]

I have been there. At one point in my life, it felt like I was losing a loved one every year over the course of 5 years. I started looking at family members like which one is going to die next? I am not in that place anymore and I wasn’t a teacher at a time. I don’t think I could have handled that while being a teacher. Like you said at the beginning, you planned all these amazing things for the Lord of the Flies, but then you didn’t feel like it after you lost a loved one. I know that feeling all too well. This is a great message. Thank you for being awesome.

[RoChuFTW]

I really needed this. My cousin was murdered in January and we are still dealing with it, my grandpa was just diagnosed with terminal cancer(won't last the summer) and his wife has alzheimers and is deteriorating really fast. I'm a student teacher (or I was before schools all shit down) and it was sometimes really hard to go in and teach, especially since when I let my kids know that it was a bit of a hard time for me and told them what was going on, some kids just laughed.

[velinabrown]

Thank you for sharing this. One think that I needed most to hear was that as the saying goes”God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” but what I hadn’t heard before is “We can give ourselves more than we can handle.” If we expect ourselves to just keep going and going after a deep wound or loss we are the ones doing that to ourselves. I really needed to hear that. Thanks. All the best to you and your family.

[brendasanchez]

This is probably my favorite video. Just what people need to hear right now. Thank you for posting this. I can definitely relate to a lot you said. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💗💗💗🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Keep up the great work! Wish you the best of luck with your book.🎉🎉🎉

[jeffreymills]

Your words are 100% true. I have had to deal with many situations during my career, and it is difficult to deal with appropriately. Your advice and insight are real life. It takes time to heal. Teachers are outstanding people, but we are humans first. We need to remember to take care of ourselves, too.

[nwalker]

My condolences on your losses. Many of us are feeling the same way, and as teachers, sometimes we feel we cannot say how we are truly feeling. Stay strong, Reynolds!