Does your loved one with dementia resent you? Try this!

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

Today’s video is all about how to reduce the chances that your loved one with dementia will start to resent you. This video is in response to a comment I received under another one of my videos. The Careblazer talked about how her husband sees blames her for all of his dementia struggles and it has gotten to the point where he has attempted to make changes to their joint banking account. I share 3 tips to help this Careblazer out. #1- Don’t remind them they have dementia. #2- Focus on the emotion behind their statements, not their words. #3- Get medical and financial power of attorney paperwork completed.

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Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver

[nettiea]

My mom has always been selfish and manipulative and now with her cognitive decline it’s gotten worse. She blames me for anything not working on her world. We were always hoping those negative tendencies would soften and she’d b a better person in old age. We were wrong.

[kennethkirk]

This is an outstanding series. I'm an estate planning attorney and have posted a few of these on my Facebook page. A lot of my clients can benefit from her advice.

[traceylynn]

I've tried this, tried everything
My mother resents me and the care I give.
At this point I don't care if she does or not.

[tbone]

My 89 year old mother has moderate dementia. She has also struggled throughout her life with major depression. Trying to keep her from going down the negative “I wish I were dead” or “why am I a prisoner” in the facility she is in rabbit hole has been an on going issue. I plan activities to give her something to look forward too. Even with that, it can be a real struggle some days. Your tips have been extremely helpful. Thank you so much

[JasmineAlya]

My grandma, 74 years old, a retired teacher now suffers from Alzheimers with delusions, paranoia etc. Thanks for all your videos, they really help.

[judywaller]

I really appreciate your videos. I am my 94 year old Grandmother's power of attorney and I have had to place her in a Memory care facility. I appreciate the tips since there is some resentment since she feels she is not like these people. I am learning the skills not to reason which is hard for me and trying to change the subject. It truly is a battle not only for the person but the caregiver as we have to totally change how we would normally handle an objection.

[judyhutson]

I am so thankful these videos just showed up on my YouTube list of favorites. I am the caregiver for my 89-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's. My husband and I moved in with her 2 years ago on May 28. Also my developmentally disabled sister lives in the home as well. Since moving here, my husband has been diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma and had his left kidney removed and is in stage 5 renal failure. He has also suffered a stroke which has affected his right side vision and he can no longer drive. To say our lives have drastically changed is a tremendous understatement. Mom does resent us being here on the one hand, but in the next breath is glad we are. She seems to be angry a lot, but I have realized, as the videos bring out, that my attitude plays a big role in the household atmosphere. I find that when there is conflict with mom, I tend to take it out on my husband, which I hate. Mom forgets that he is sick and needs a walker or cane to get around, and gets frustrated and calls him lazy and continually asks if he's older than her, which he is not. These videos and Dr. Natali are such a blessing. I plan to view them all as time permits. Thank you again.

[brendah]

Thank you for these videos. You have helped me so much. My mother has dementia and I am her caregiver. It is the hardest job I have ever done in my life! Love your advice! It helps to get me through trying to understand this horrible disease.

[mobilehomelife]

Just started watching the videos and they are very helpful, and I have subscribed. My mom is 72 and although officially diagnosed in the last couple years, after talking with the doctor we can trace the early symptoms back to probably 2014 or before. Based on the stages you reviewed in the three stage she is at stage two and the seven stages she is a mix of five and six. This disease is certainly different in every patient.... She does not really resent us so much although she gets upset with us often because she does not believe she has anything wrong. She is extremely resentful of any mention for shower, bath, going to any doctor office or having a non family care giver come into the home.

[carolla]

Excellent series of videos. So helpful and supportive for carers to enable them to be more supportive and effective in helping the dementia sufferer.Thank you very much.

[lidialopez]

God bless you Dr. Natalie I am the caregiver for my 68 year old mother and I pray everyday for patience to keep helping my loved one

[renehay]

Oh my gosh. You describe my mother to a t. First she turned her anger and suspicion toward my dad. When my dad died suddenly and my mom had to come to live with me, all those negative feelings turned toward me in a snap. You hit the nail on the head. My mother stayed with me for 3 years and is now in long term care. I wish the staff there would watch your videos.

[kaysalyer]

I’ve learned so many great tips from you, Natalie and, our carebkazer community. On the topic of resentment; I’ve experimented with providing stimulating experiences I know my DWEA can do as a diversion from those I know she would struggle with or that are beyond her capabilities. It’s also a way for me to see if she still can or can not manage various activities without drawing her attention.

[valik]

I'm experiencing something similar. I have reacted in the wrong way, reminding him of his disease. It has added to his resentment of me. I now know that I should never do that. Practically everyday he is hell bent on buying a car because he needs to start driving again. Today I asked him about the car and what color does he want and so on. All the while instead of me taking him to a dealership I took him to the library that sits on a lake and we walked around the lake and then checked out a book. Much better day. Also, we've got POA paperwork set up but I didn't realize I need a letter from the Dr. to enact it. Meanwhile, my accountant suggested going to the bank and switch the money into new accounts without his name on it.

[AboutFocusTV]

Dr Natali, thank you so much for these videos. My Wife was finally diagnosed with Young Onset Altzheimers 18 months ago and it’s progression has unfortunately been quite rapid. Whilst I have learnt/picked up various coping strategies over time your explanations and tips have brought everything into perspective. Thank you so much you have helped my understanding no end and I will be sure to put your advice into practice. - Lionel in the UK

[prettyastounding]

I needed this. I have always been honest with her because she is so intelligent. I will never say the word again.

[gwenkaiser]

My mother said she would call the law to me if i made her get a bath and go to the Dr. I have learned a lot from this site. I am still learning. Thank you for helping me.

[lynnanson]

Thank up for your information. My mom is just showing signs of dementia. She doesn't want to go anywhere now or do anything. She's been going through her papers and closets and throwing things away..says everyday that she has to do this because she will be dead soon..but it's things she needs..and then she will look for these items later and accuse me of taking them or she stresses because she can't find them..it's almost a daily thing and always a crises and gets her very upset.she doesn't seem to have a calm time, there's always something she has to have now or can't find now etc..one min.all is good the next I'm running to get something ..NOW or having to search for it all over house..and many times when I'm looking she says I took it or will say that I'm nosey and going through her stuff..and no when I do find it and it's in a very strange place she says I put it there to make her look bad..dhe can be very mean and sarcastic to me and she will say terrible things and laugh at me when I say that it was hurtful or if I look sad ..she sometimes will be so hateful I just have to tell her I will be back later, I try to stay calm and not say anything back to her but she can be so hateful. She wasn't like that before, she was opionated and never really took an interest in my life, never asked or really talked to me.she would always talk at me or talk about what she was doing..we're very different in almost everything and I'm OK with that but she was never mean...I have heard from her work associates that she would tell them how proud she was of me and all that I had done etc..they also said how she would be so proud of my brother..now though my brother is a God in her eyes and too important and busy ...she gets upset if I ask him to help with her and her house..and he doesn't offer or ask and he's healthy. .I have several health problems and so does mom, but she's physically is better then me..but she will call me always to do heavy hard work..or ask me to bring my son who has aspergers to do things..she will pick on him the whole time he is there and they will drive me crazy..he's 39 and she's 86..and no its like being with two 6 yr olds...she will only say nice things to us or about us in a text, never in person or on the phone..it's no picnic being with the 2 of them together...my friends tell me I should get an Oscar for my great acting when I'm with them..but thanks to you and your great advice and seeing that there are others out they in a similar boat It makes me feel better that I'm not alone ...so thank you to u all...and my 2 therapy cats...

[edwardb]

Very helpful.. Most important is not to remind the loved one of dementia. There has to be some creative thinking on my part and I should realize it's not about me or my feelings of possibly being resented.

[lindaclouse]

My husband has vascular dementia & now is bi-polar. He has extreme resentment.