How You Can Support a Loved One Through Cancer | Diane Thomas | TEDxEustis

In this insightful talk, recorded at TEDxEustis 2020, Diane Thomas brings compassion and gentle humor to the moment a friend says “I have cancer.” Drawing from experience as a survivor, Thomas details strategies you can utilize to support your friend and the things you can say or do that will help you not only mean well, but do well.
Diane Thomas holds two research degrees, and has nearly a decade's experience in both the mortgage industry and in human resources reporting and analytics. Since becoming a financial advisor several years ago, she has been able to combine her two great loves, research and math, with a lifelong commitment to service. She finds deep satisfaction in working with individuals to help them understand the unique pieces of their goals and how they fit together into a coherent whole. Having encountered various personal challenges along the way, Diane is passionate about leveraging experience to positively impact the next conversation and the people with whom she comes in contact. Her husband of 16 years has the near-impossible task of preventing her from volunteering too often, and tolerates her continuous "Have you ever wondered..." questions. Their energetic daughter keeps them both tired and amused, and is the light of their lives. Diane Thomas holds two research degrees, and has nearly a decade's experience in both the mortgage industry and in human resources reporting and analytics. Since becoming a financial advisor several years ago, she has been able to combine her two great loves, research and math, with a lifelong commitment to service. She finds deep satisfaction in working with individuals to help them understand the unique pieces of their goals and how they fit together into a coherent whole. Having encountered various personal challenges along the way, Diane is passionate about leveraging experience to positively impact the next conversation and the people with whom she comes in contact.

[carpediem]

To those who have a family member or a friend with cancer, .just be there, no judgement, no pity, be patient, be kind... Just be there for them.

[WordUnheard]

I found out last month that I have a glioma brain tumor. Two weeks ago, I was informed that the biopsy revealed that it is a grade 4 glioblastoma, and that I have a year, at the most. When I first found out I had a brain tumor, with the strong possibility of it being cancerous, my "friends" and family acted all supportive.


They would tell me, "Oh, we need to get together next week!" or "Do you want to do something (insert day of the week here)?" Time and time again, I would either get an excuse as to why they couldn't meet up with me, or they simply ignored me. I'm dying, and the people I thought were close to me treat me as though I'm already dead.


I'm not afraid to die. The only thing that scares me is the thought of leaving my baby girl without a dad, and without emotional and financial support. She doesn't deserve to lose her daddy at such a young age. I don't deserve to be treated as if I'm already dead. Most people turn into heartless monsters, when they find out you're dying. If I didn't have my daughter, I would have already killed myself. But I would never do that to her.


If you know someone with cancer, a simple phone call or an invitation to dinner would mean the world to them. No one with cancer deserves to be shunned and ignored.

[ohyouresotough]

Thank you. As a person battling cancer for the second time we need to have these conversations. ❤️

[realshannone]

I’m a year and a half out of my stage 3 diagnosis. I struggled most with telling people. I remember the ER doctor telling me I have colon cancer and it was kinda like a bomb had gone off. All I could hear is ringing. I saw his lips moving and I turned to look at my boyfriend. The look on his face. 😢 I remembered not wanting to see that look on my friend and family that I had to tell. I guess just give us some patience. I chose to fight alone because I didn’t want to see that awful, painful look in my loved one’s eyes. You all are angels from the highest heavens. ❤

[JustSistersSeekingJoy]

As a mom of a cancer survivor… I cannot thank you enough for sharing this! Such good information we are working so hard to help others now who have to walk the same walk, thank you for this content!

[vanessadu]

To all the friends who want to support, do not judge, it is better to just listen, offer helps needed without them asking and give a hug. When I found out my mom has ALL leukemia, my husband tried to comfort me by saying my mom's type of cancer's survival rate is high. I know he had good intention but I feel absolutely isolated when I heard what he said. Cause when you make a judgement like that, I feel you are saying "OK, this is no biggie. So you can handle it on your own". Also, later on I read a paper and found out that my mom's leukemia's survival rate is only 10%( cause she is over 50 years old and has ph+). So do not judge even if you thought it is "good news"! Be patient, be kind, take actions to care, not just sit there and say "Let me know if you needs help".

[amyjacquelineg.]

Thank you. Great talk. I’m calling my friend now to ask what day I can bring dinner. And will lay off the medical focus!

[Cozy_cardboard_box]

I recently found out my boyfriend has cancer, i just want to know how to be there for him because i love him with all my heart. He is the best boyfriend ever and he deserves the world.

[Julie-sihi]

Best talk I've heard as a support to my husband, I learnt a lot from this x the ground still shifting is an explanation that totally makes sense.

[estoyaqui]

Thank you for sharing your story and your hints of how to approach close ones affected by cancer. Just thank you.

[valerierobertson]

Thank you, it is very helpful to know to offer help in a way that will be not overwhelming.

[heathisul]

Thank you. I struggle a lot with the topic of process in relation to family. I don’t like the conspiracy of silence or the ghosting. I prefer to discuss my cancer and health, it helps me process and I want to advocate everywhere I can.

[mjanusic]

Excellent and well addressed topic. I suffer from chronic autoimmune disease and can totally relate to the subject and I think your suggested discussion points can fit to other diseases as well, not just cancer.

[scottelrod]

Great talk. Life is always changing and it is awesome to see you thriving in the face of challenges and change. I really took away some solid points, not just about talking cancer but in dealing with life in general. Don't forget the Flipper's double cheese and green bell peppers as an very occasional treat. Best to you and family.

[alexandramurphy-lp]

This made me feel so much better about my mom going through chemotherapy ❤️ thank you.

[laurenceapitz]

thank you for this incredible lesson ... of have heart failure and just got a transplant.
its the same mechanism for people suffering from serious chronic illness.
people have no idea how to react to illness ... and sometimes we are expecting things they don’t actually know how to give. it’s really hard not to judge them badly for it, but I try as hard as I can.
thank you for also addressing the question of is jeter people’s struggles, I keep on telling my friends « it’s not a competition » but it’s hard for them to understand that we actually want to hear about their everyday struggles and victories, just as we used to.

[uneceriseaupotager]

You helped me so much with your advice, thanks, I wish you the best!

[surfer]

I got full thyroidectomy. Radiation therapy is undergoing. Motivation is what makes me keep going.

[Vincelen]

This is inspiring. Thank you so much 🙏

[EnglishVirgo]

Cancer is something that I would never wish on anybody. I fought it myself, as did many of my loved ones. It also stole way too many good people from my life. It sure as heck sorts out your fake friends. So many can't run out of your life fast enough.