What the Bible Says About a Marriage Falling Apart | Therapy & Theology

In this episode, Lysa TerKeurst; Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress; and Proverbs 31 Ministries' Director of Theological Research, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, open up God's Word to find biblical Truth, hope and answers as they discuss the hard realities of a marriage falling apart.

Helpful links from Lysa TerKeurst and the Proverbs 31 Team:

P.S. Looking for something specific? Fast-forward this video using the minute markers below!
0:00 Intro
0:48 What is God's intent for marriage?
4:06 What are biblical grounds for divorce?
12:01 Unpacking material and emotional neglect
15:15 Taking time for wisdom and healing
24:13 Taking steps, not leaps
29:26 Pursuing wholeness

#lysaterkeurst #proverbs31 #proverbs31ministries #marriage #therapy #theology #therapyandtheology #whenrelationshipsfallapart #boundaries #whenarelationshipisfallingapart

[dianairaheta]

As someone who was married to an emotionally and spiritually abusive man, trust me when I say...we are not running out of our marriages for frivolous reasons. I'm talking daily rejection, abandonment, isolation, and verbal abuse as well. I don't think we need to be so afraid of talking about emotional abuse...because, especially in faith communities, we ARE faithful. We ARE committed. We ARE forgiving. And we stayed for FAR too long, in the hopes of a miracle.

[Webbgurl]

It is evil. destroying the person you swore to love and care for by driving her insane with lying and cheating.

[kayakins]

This is one of the best teaching. Churches should talk more about abuse in marriage. There is more to it than just cheating.

[r.e.b]

That last minute hit me hard. That was when I felt freedom too in my divorce. I did EVERYTHING and more to stay in the marriage, because I took my vows seriously. Eventually it was time to release him to God. Only after releasing him to God, I realized how devastating the damage was and I thanked God for freedom and for releasing me from a marriage that would have undoubtely killed me. It killed my spirit and broke my body, it was now slowly but surely destroying my mind. Spiritual and emotional abuse are devastating. Thank God for freedom, healing and second chances.

[Aliciabpd]

I love how you explained forgiving 70 x 7! I wasn’t able to forgive my husband for the things he did, so I spoke to him and said I tried everything and I no longer have anything to give. I told him that I needed space and he gave it to me. We are in the same house but we are in separate rooms. Our children have told me they feel it has been better because we aren’t fighting. I have taken my time in this separation to pray for my part in the marriage problems, read scripture, watch and listen to these types of messages, exercise, etc. God has made me realize what I contributed and how I hurt my husband. Recently I have confessed to my husband how I failed him, how my expectations of him were unfair and asked him for forgiveness. We are still separated but I feel we are communicating better and I have faith God will heal us 🙌🏼🙌🏼

[LorenasChesedbeads]

My husband abused drugs and alcohol, left me over 10 times. I kept taking him back. The 11th time he left, he stayed away 6 years. I sat at my lord's feet through all this prayed and fasted. I had support from my sisters in christ. Then my church split up, and my mom had a stroke. All at the same time. After attending classes to heal, things got easier. Then my husband showed up at my door homeless jobless. Against the advice of focus in the family I took him in, he was still on meth. I had to help him. It wasn't easy. But now he is back in church, involved in ministry and working. I truly had to die to self. Marriages are never perfect they take a lot of sacrifice and love. Not the love of the world but the love of christ. Glory to God it was all him, not me.

[lindaratzel]

Absolutely amazing information! So very comforting for anyone going through a divorce and not really understanding why this is happening. I loved my ex-husband very much (and still do) and REALLY wanted the marriage of 24 years to continue until death. A counselor's diagnosis of covert narcissism with passive-aggressive behavior on the part of my husband was the most painful and difficult thing to understand. Watching your channel has really helped me to come to peace with the decision to divorce for both my mental and physical health. Thank you so much to all of you!!

[kamirichardson]

Amen, amen, AMEN!! Too many churches make women feel as though they have to stay in abusive marriages. Mental abuse is REAL, and it can kill the one being abused. I am so thankful that Lysa & her team are speaking out!

[KittyClark]

Its been 4 yrs & i still wrestle with divorce after 38 yrs. Didnt want it but the other party didnt see working on it as an option. I cannot say i dont bear any responsibility due to reacting badly out of my own pre-marriage trauma. I am thankful tho that God has walked me thru seeing that so i can bring that to Him for forgiveness plus get the help i need to heal from that. I still miss my "intact" family & probably always will. But still God is good, He is there, I am not alone, i am not abandoned.

[tinabrooks]

My marriage started out in lies, deceit, betrayal, led to gaslighting, blame shifting and more. My husband is a narcissist, but more importantly, he lives in denial, hasn’t or ever will take responsibility for anything that has happened. He is a minister who knows the Bible and scripture, which he uses as a tool and weapon because he knows that I don’t know as much as he does, to manipulate me into staying in this marriage, to shame me if I have a need or want to voice my opinion. I have come to the conclusion that there is no reconciliation, and that I have to serve him the divorce papers to avoid any chance of his attempt to gaslight me, shame me, blame me. I know that he has other relationships that ended the same way. When I asked him what 3 mistakes he made in previous relationships, he tells me he wasn’t a good listener. I pray for him, but the emotional abuse has had such a toll on me that is affecting my whole life. I need healing, not abuse.

[BrendaHernandez-ybml]

It’s comforting to know that what my heart and soul knew to be right is validated on this episode. I didn’t want to end my marriage but I couldn’t sustain it on my own

[betsydorton]

THIS is the teaching that needs to be heard from every pulpit. Judgement and legalism of fellow believers make healing from legitimate divorce even more painful. Thank you for digging in deep to discover and speak the truth. If you have listened to this and held any other position on divorce, think about how you treat your divorced friends. How have you “counseled” them? Please act justly, love mercy, walk humbly.

[andrewb]

Another revelation God has used you three to give his people " God hates divorce doesn't mean he do not allow it in those circumstances" thank you Lord 🙏

[nnylasoR]

I was awakened by my husband moving around and fumbling with his phone early one morning, and while lying next to him, trying to get back to sleep, I experienced about 5-6 bouts of heart-pounding Fight-or-Flight… And the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to ask him about something.
…And my concern was legit.😞
I am currently closer to the Lord than I’ve been in years (or ever!), having been reminded that my worth and purpose is found in HIM, not my marriage. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience, but I know God is not only holding me, He is carrying me. And He not only has me ….. He has my husband as well.
My husband and I may never draw close to the Lord and to each other ever again….. but I know, I am and am going to be more than ok in the arms of Jesus.

[texuztweety]

Great discussion, thank you! I took steps not leaps, I should have leaped OUT. 16 years later and I have deeply entrenched Complex PTSD, severe memory loss, learning issues, fear of relationships. I noticed tens of thousands of women on the internet with the same experience as me due to emotionally abusive marriages I have hope for the younger generation of women🌟🌟🌟

[juliemorgan-bullock]

What Joel said about not putting the institution of marriage above the image bearers of God blew my mind. It makes complete sense, such wisdom. I have been blessed with a good marriage and a wonderful husband but this has so helped me understand those whose marriage needs to end on Biblical grounds.

[carinekeza]

Soon 5 years married. Too much pain emotional abuse, physical and financially. I stayed because the bible says we don’t fight with flesh but the spirit. I prayed, fasted cried to God but I never see even 0.0%! I took my rings off separate the room and said God I did my part the rest is in your hands. 7 months now without any word with my husband and I feel I’m ready to leave because I’m done to grieve for my marriage I’m ready emotionally. This 7 months without word I got time to grieve and now I’m ready and strong trusting God for my next chapter. What makes me so happy is I tried and walked with God👏🏾

[oldmadenewcreations]

If someone wants to get rid of you for something like "ruining a dish", LET them. In that case, there likely was never a marriage, nor any hope for one, with that person. You didn't ruin a dish, he just hates you and doesn't value you at all. Could this opinion from me be coming from the fact that I keep going back to my NPD husband who treats me exactly like this and tries to make me think I deserve it? Absolutely. Nonetheless, I still think my opinion is completely valid and hope anyone living with that kind of person never falls for those abusive lies like I have, to think you deserve that abuse, that he loves you, or that there's any hope for that marriage (without full repentance). I 100% agree that that kind of person is, at the very least, demonically-influenced. God bless.

[jordanruth]

Jesus I feel like this is my first therapy session and a biblical one at that. To see the amount of sickness I am just by listening to this and being married for 20 years dealing with adultery, material and emotional abuse for all of them.

[soupergiffy]

There's amazing people in this comment section. Thank you for you validating words! God bless us all 🙏🏽