How do I move from being a ‘place card’ to a priority?

Joey writes, “Dear Susan, thanks—the way you advocate authenticity is so refreshing. You’ve talked about people having you in reserve/place card, and how you should get up and move on. My question is what is the best way to do this? How much of a conversation should there be? I’ve been seeing a guy I really like for a while and would like more but I feel that I’m stuck as an option not a priority.”

The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[feliolipa]

you just made me realise that i ve been holding on to someone for no important reason, just emotional attachment and getting crumbs in return.Its time to move on now.Thanx

[hepi_hepi]

I'm addicted to your videos. They are healthy. Thank you dear beautiful Susan.

[DONTGET_SUNSCREEN]

Ms. Susan,
You're like the favorite aunt, sister, best friend!
You give great advice without being harsh but you won't sugar coat your words.
Glad I discovered your channel.💖

[anaortiz]

This video made me open my eyes! I'm always longing for love, and always picturing a "mr. Right" that I would want to date, but in reality I'm always dating or falling for the opposite of what I describe, I tend to go for the player, the womanizer, the narcissist. And I always blame them for being who they are, like "if only he wasn't a player we would've last" and things like that, but it was always me who discarded the "good ones" and went for the obviously bad ones. I feel that I used that as an excuse for my lack of commitment in relationships. I like the rush and the idea of love as you said it, but my actions say otherwise. I think I have to work on my issues first. I'm really glad that I discovered your channel, lots of love from Colombia 🇨🇴

[RoundSquareX]

Susan, this is better than any therapy session, I've had years of it and still been clueless to dating. You actually give information that creates solutions. I may never partner but I think I can walk away sooner and cut the heart ache by 75 percent. I do enjoy the benefits of being single, I compose music, edit YouTube videos, I study human history, research politicians. Some have said, I have too much time... but it's mine to have and not theirs.

[katrin]

what makes me want someone is the fact that they show interest, i get my needs met, we have good conversations and a lot in common. its not a superficial thing, there is somewhat of a bond there, but it´s hard to notice they just arent that into u. especially if in the beginning, it seemed ike it.

[k.w.]

I just read this elsewhere and had to find your video, Susan, and share: "A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it."

[neilliu]

I have been applying your methods and being authentic instead staying silent about my feelings. Now he is treating me so well . Thank you so much, Susan

[Cooniez]

Appreciate the insight and analysis of how we sometimes give love and attention to people who don't necessarily deserve it. I am currently going through this and have "ended" things with someone for the 5th(?) or 6th time- basically asking him to respect my boundaries, don't reach out to me and to let me go if he can't do what it takes to actually make this work. I care about him, we had fun together and we had a connection that I am sure he realizes now is hard to replicate, but I just can't be stuck anymore. Letting him keep one foot in the proverbial door has kept me from moving on completely, so I need to close the door on that painful chapter in my life.

[kat]

Thank you for asking us to look within. I always picked situations with a “back door” and rode the emotional highs and lows of a drama-filled romantic connection. I was the one who’s hooked on the drama and non-comital dynamic. The only way to get out of it is to fix my self - where all issues and therefore solutions lie ❤️

[JuicyFruityify]

Susan, you ...are saving lives here. Thank you so much.

[amyjacquelineg.]

I like that you put the question in to our own court & it’s not always about the other person. Really changed my thinking.👌🏻

[onlyyoumytaem]

THANK YOU for asking that question. I've been in a hot and cold relationship for quite a while. Your question enlightened me as to what did I like in him that made me stand this kind of situation. Now I am clear in myself that a combination of things comes into play. I'll carry on with my life without trying to get his attention.

[jasminej]

Wow you're just amazing omg. Thank you so much really. You always speak to me. I've seen many coaches that speak about the most obvious daily stuff but you, you always hit the hummer on the head and make so much sense. I appreciated.

[susangj]

My Gawd you're brilliant!! You are so good at life. I always look forward to listening to what you have to say and I'm often reminded of things that I need to hear.

[FrancesDFlanagan]

You are amazing Susan and so spot on! I learn more from a five minute video from you than an hour of psychotherapy 😊

[humanyoda]

I enjoy the way you express your thoughts. You are able to express complex thoughts in a digestible manner.

[mistakey]

I love you Susan ... you explained the reason behind bad choices ... wow ... this is amazing . I never thought about this . Thank you for the clarity .

[mariar]

Today I actually made a list of what I'm looking for in a partner and that made it easier to cross off a certain person I've been stuck in a hot and cold pattern. This video just reinforced my decision of letting it go. Synchronicity. 🦄🌌🙌😲

[lo-fidreamsASMR]

This was much needed. Especially the self-reflection part. Thank you!!