Between Confusion and Clarity: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Determinants

What causes or increases the risk of developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This video will help you lessen the confusion and provide some clarity.

How do you explain a complex concept that you may not fully understand yourself, that worries you, confuses, you, and sometimes scares you and frustrates you. These are common responses to BPD in yourself or seeing it in a loved one. If you’ve had that feeling or similar thoughts I’m gonna try and help you out in this video as we talk about how to explain BPD and what causes it.

If you’re watching this video, you want to know how to better understand BPD and how to explain it for yourself or to help a loved one understand what you believe they’re going through. The Father of BPD is John Gunderson and he explained BPD best with insight, clarity, and compassion. He also explains in the same eloquent fashion what causes BPD from the same book. Watch the video to see/hear them, they're awesome and heartfelt.

I then put it all in a nutshell for you:
BPD is the combination of genetics and environment that make it hard to feel love and even harder when you feel rejected. It’s a constant search for connection when you don’t know what the connection is. It’s a sense of loneliness and fear without knowing exactly where it comes from or where you’re going with it. The tidal wave of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and memories evoke self-destructive means to try and resolve or calm the tidal wave without having the skills necessary to do so. Over time, this becomes a cycle and habit out of something we don’t fully understand but it disrupts emotional, behavioral, interpersonal, and identity aspects of life. It’s complex, but treatable, and hope should be in the forefront as you seek and engage in treatment to outgrow all the things you once believed you couldn’t.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
01:21 Need for compassion
02:41 BPD need to connect relationships
04:46 What causes BPD?
06:39 Constant search for connection
07:41 Hopefulness about BPD

[tetrahexaeder]

"They have grown up feeling that they were unfairly treated and that they did not get the attention or care they needed. They are angry about that, and as young adults, they set out in search of someone who can make up to them for what they feel is missing." Oh my god.. this paragraph sums up my absolute core problem since childhood. I even had these thoughts in slighty different phrasing in my own mind the other day. It is scary how accurate he summed up the core cause of BPD. And I think this is the 'chronic feeling of emptiness' symptom's root.

[HeatherFaraMS]

I have been a relationship for over a year with a man with severe BPD. He was medicated to slow down extreme emotional impulsivity that allows him to put DBT into practice. He struggled with employment and is now stable, but working 7 days a week to keep a float due to poverty wages…Poverty is destroying his health. I am so furious that the USA doesn’t fully cover medical care…He needs more than one 30 min chat with a counselor monthly (all that is covered) and to not work two jobs…He absolutely can reach remission status, but he boomerangs due to lack of sleep that makes normal emotional stress untenable…

[hanytalya]

Ok, Im crying so hard.
The part about: When we treat the pain they grow to be the most amazing people etc 😢
I the few days in my life that bpd didnt take over me, I was able to bring out all my gifts and talents, I did amazing things and also gave so much to others.
It hurts so much when you know the potential you have, but you live so far away from it.
I have ordered your book and going to do all in my power to over come this. I never been told it was possible, and although I'm already 53, Its better late than never.
Thank you. I know I leave a lot of comments but Im so overwhelmed and grateful for the opertunity I've been given❤

[aliya]

I used to have bpd. I do not anymore. My destructive patterns landed me in the hospital away from my family. I told myself STOP, I will not continue these patterns anymore! It was a conscious decision, and now I have much more control over my emotions. It’s all about deliberate self control and resisting the urge to rage. To the people saying they are “sufferers” of bpd, I beg to differ. I too, thought I was a “sufferer” until I made the conscious, deliberate effort to control my anger and emotions when my needs were not being met. I decided to practise gratitude instead. I decided to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I am much happier now!

[roamingthislife]

Hearing your thoughts so passionately stated about how those of us with BPD are of significant value while recognizing with such compassion that the pain is so very real … I could not be more grateful for you and all you do. Thank you Dr. 🦊

[sarahheld]

That first quote makes me realize how I've been treating my husband. It does make me feel guilty, but now I realize what he's been trying to tell me about how I make him feel is true.

[Mrs.TJTaylor]

I understand, and It makes me sad, but keep them away from me. I can’t help them and I don’t need the constant drama and upheaval in my life. I’m done with it. We all have problems.

[yuvi]

i haven't been to therapy in a really long time and while these videos aren't substitutes for sessions; they do give me a sense of understanding and reassurance that no doctor has given me before. i don't usually comment on youtube videos but it felt like i needed to on this. thank you for your channel and thank you for all the work you put into it. it's very much appreciated <3

[zenvargr]

It still feels very hopeless like all dreams and hopes are just long dead ideas that are unreachable

[lemn-au]

I love you Dr Fox, you saying we, bpd's, are hurting inside brought me to tears.. you are an amazing man and I love you for raising attention to this debilitating disorder.
To you Dr Fox, I commend you, for you have given me hope and eased the preconceived notion that I'm not normal. I am normal, worthy and lovable, although I'm so misunderstood by every loved one in my life as I see it, you have given me the strength and knowledge to start accepting and loving who I am, for that I thankyou immensely!
My wish is to meet you in this lifetime, for your posts have given me hope, courage and acceptance of who I am. With gratitude, Trina from Tasmania Australia xoxo

[turquoisetoile-universalethics]

"... People grow up feeling like they were treated unfairly..." Excuse me if I don't quote that exactly right but I get the idea. Thank you so much for your videos. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2001 and again with BPD vs. Complex PTSD in 2015. Not all people with BPD were abused or traumatized or treated unfairly. I think that's one of the ways BPD differs from complex PTSD. Many (not all!) borderlines (including myself) *may really have been treated unfairly* . However I believe that even if I was treated unfairly, that's life, sometimes, and we don't always have control over that. Life does involve very unfair treatment lots of times. This can be difficult for non-borderlines to deal with too. Much of the experience I've had with symptoms *has been my struggle with wondering if people have malicious intentions towards me or not* . I have to live in a society everyday where I feel that people don't care. The thing is I have to own that feeling, whether it's true or not. Much of a the time they really don't care, but it's the way I respond to it that counts. I don't want to run around feeling entitled all the time either. That is exhausting and I give off worse vibes when I do that and cause more problems around me. I'm struggling right now with integrating my own humanity in the world of other humanity. Regardless whether my experiences are real or imagined, I'm still responsible for how I behave and for my attitude. Thanks again! I will continue to watch. 😀💜

[tommydavis]

Literally in tears right now. I've been struggling with mental illness for 21 years and I'm 36 now. Thank you. For the first time in my life I feel as if I really can grow as a person. And, for the first time, I can say with confidence that "I am NOT crazy". You have no idea the affect your videos are having on so many lives. I know it's going to be a long, hard road. But, thanks to your insights, I have an idea of what direction I need steer my vehicle

[sarahdavies]

honestly the last few minutes of that video stopped me in my tracks while i was cleaning and made me break down into tears. i haven’t been able to cry in weeks, i’ve been through so many painful experiences lately. i’ve had to be so relied on and my boyfriend has shown me no respect for the strong woman that i am, always tidying up after him even through the loss of my eldest rat who i loved so much
i know we aren’t personal friends but your reassurance and understanding nature makes me feel so much more comfortable in my skin and i’m so grateful

[sgirlwhamduran]

I've never heard anything that sums up what BPD is like. It describes perfectly my past relationship with my ex and the unrealistic expectations. That ultimately led me to do a self destructive act when it ended because of my behavior. 😣

[marjoriemartinez]

I grew up thinking my family was perfect, after waking up to reality..father abandoned me at 6 months, mother abandoned me atv6byrs old..moved w mom after grandma died at 13. I believe mom was Bpd, step dad narcissistic alcoholic, married at 17 to a drug addict covert, sister slep w my husband and alienated my daughter when i became reactive to his abuse, other sister stepped over boundaries and pretend to be my daughter savior...than she tells me no one likes me...the ultimate discard. Yes. I almost died but ive been recovering ever since..im now 54 and strong and striving!!!thanks for your videos..they have confirmed and explained so much!!!

[jenniferparks]

This was so nice ❤️ I was recently diagnosed with BPD. And I have been doing work my entire life unbeknownst to me without knowing the label. I'm what you would consider a high conscientious quiet bordeline. I act in, so it's not noticeable to anyone other than me and sometimes not even me. It is hard to explain to anyone how intense we can feel and how painful it is. The hours spent crying or trying to push down emotions that feel like a tornado, all while wearing a smile. I want to give hope to others with BPD...it is highly treatable with the proper tools. I think we will always have triggers and struggles, but we can recognize what is happening and learn how to cope in better ways. I have read horror stories of what people think this is and I can't imagine people thinking this about me 😭 I am terrified of rejection and abandonment, but not with everyone. They are internal feelings I feel that create confusion within intimate relationships. I can't read texts right, or interpret messages back to me when triggered. I'm on a blind emotional, word vomit mission, with plenty of crying. It feels like I'm losing control of my thoughts and emotions. I have said over and over to my partner that I am sorry and I do not mean it. I don't know that people can truly understand how we lose control and it's like a motor that takes over on high speed and we can't catch up with the emotional reactions to stop them. I have said a million times I would never cry or react that way again and bam...trigger...right back in it. Mind you though, I am reacting to what I believe is still something to be triggered by, maybe just more of a reckless reaction than cause for. It's a feeling that we don't even know where it coming from or where it is going. None of us look the same in how we cope or show symptoms, if we even do show any outwardly. Thank you for having compassion. I am not a manipulative person and am so loving. I avoid relationships at all costs. When I do get in an intimate relationship...it happens on accident and then I'm stuck for what feels like forever, even if it feels toxic. I want them to leave, but I don't want them to go. I want to trust them, but I can't. It's so complicated and hard, ugh. I love these videos they speak so much truth. So many make us look crazy and it makes me sad for anyone with BPD.

[Ryoko-Hakubi]

*EDIT two years later, turns out I'm autistic with c-ptsd lol*

This was so refreshing and validating. Doctors have described my BPD as "quiet" so explaining DSM-5 symptoms to people has always made me feel like a phony as I don't act out like a typical boderline. Your description actually fits, so thank you!

[lexg]

Best thing I ever did was accept that I had BPD once diagnosed. I manage it with physical exercise, nutrient dense foods, spirituality and not drinking. I'm not perfect but by doing those my life has turned around and I actually have been able to catch myself when I get into my "moods". It's hard work but absolutely worth it. Thank you doc for having such realistic and informative videos

[lifeontheedge]

I realised on thursday that I had unattainable and unrealistic attachment to the mother I need in a mother who is incapable of being that mother. Then I watch this and it reinforces that insight. Even though it is hard just reviewing this diagnoise 2 months ago I feel proud and intrigued by the journey and personal growth involved. Thank you.

[fightswithspirits]

That paragraph was the reason GFE Ladies were my goto. Everything was understood up front. May not have been real, but perfectly matched my needs.