Boundaries 101

Dating and relationships coach Sadia Khan discussing how the skills we use to excel in modern dating often sabotage long-term happiness.

#markmanson #boundaries #relationshipadvice #sadiakhan #moderndating

[Dragonmoon]

The purpose of a boundary is to establish personal space so you can feel secure in the relationship. Also, if the other person respects the boundary, it helps to build trust.

They are not a tool to restrict others' actions or punish them.

[murphsviews]

Didn’t she pretty much completely contradict herself there!? She started out by saying not to cut people off instantly, if they cross your boundaries, but then by the end she was saying that you’re better off just walking away from someone early on who crosses your boundaries, rather than constantly trying to get them to adhere to them. Which is basically what she said not to do, at the start of the clip!

[SNYhandle]

She’s saying that boundaries are best set early. She’s saying that you shouldn’t use your boundaries as tools of persuasion/ manipulation. (e.g: I don’t put up with abhorrent name calling but I’ll stick around anyway & get toxic along with your toxicity & neither of us will change because each of us disregards our own respective boundaries.)

Either keep your boundaries & stick to it, or don’t use them as tools to hold over someone’s head. Let someone learn your boundary & give a few chances of them getting used to respecting your boundaries instead of cutting things off at the first or second occurrence of your boundary being crossed.

A few times is enough, & that’ll be determined asap (from day 1). Don’t use boundaries as punishment nor blurry guidelines.

It’s respect 101 for oneself & the other person.

[coolbreeze]

Establishing and respecting eachother's boundaries is what relationships are about. There are some people who have the nature of wanting to push boundaries though.
When starting a relationship, it's important to identify if you're with someone like that.

[ravonparker]

Its a weakness to think you can control a situation or that you have any power over another person, yes you should let your boundaries be known, and you should absolutely give them a chance to adjust to them, but if they cannot or choose not to there is strength, wisdom, love and courage in leaving. Silent strength is like a mountain and people who have this know when to be still, when to retreat, when to reject, and when to separate themselves from things that do not serve them.

[muddabuwshi]

Leaving a toxic relationship isn't weakness tho

[valentinab]

Almost no adult I’ve ever met leaves things unspoken if they were in love in the first place. Most people try discussing them, the hardship is fixing it as a team. Most people talk to each other but cannot solve anything

[NoWayJose]

I was dating a man for 1 month and he was so sweet, but it was a facade. We’d be having a great time, then he’d mention other women to make me jealous and referred to me as “loose” and a “ho” when I’m anything but. I noticed it was becoming a pattern so I confronted him and he said I have to tell him when I feel I’m being disrespected. I told him he’s a middle aged man and knows what he’s doing. I dumped him. Granted I didn’t discuss my boundary prior, this is pretty basic and I feel I shouldn’t have to discuss it prior to dumping him.

[AidaMemisevicTV]

I completely agree about it being a big problem, when people ghost or cut people off instantly... it can be unfair, disposing of people. I have found so often we have not had the uncomfortable conversations, taken self responsibility and trying to be understanding FIRST. Once you've done that work, then if it doesn't work, do what you need to. Ofcourse this does not apply to clear abuse. Otherwise so often we just don't want to have the curiosity and conversations to truly understand. ❤

[Thewhiteandorange]

maybe she was trying to make a good point, but failed to communicate it well. neither cutting people out nor being cut out is toxic; when people don't fit, they part ways. nbd. boundaries are there to keep both people sane.

[silkee]

Yes. Teaching requires giving them time to get better if they are willing to change.

[plavanvali]

I think you had a very difficult childhood having to realise all of these psychology you are teaching us.

[shahj]

I love her <3
So glad Mark Manson has her on his show. Two of my most favourite people on youtube :)

[alberthoffman]

No...poke the bull get the horns...no game involved

[silkee]

Her intelligence is twice as attractive as her beauty. I would love a friend like her.

[mrnik.]

Dont enforce your boundaries by breaking off the relationship (by pushing them out of your life) but rather by breaking off the relationship (by removing yourself from their life). Ahh yes, much difference, so smort

[jordangill]

Sounds like this woman needs a man to give her MORE BOUNDARIES.

[Kaisersozze]

Id like to see how many friends someone would have if they cut off anyone whenever they didn’t like something. So idiotic. People are not perfect.

[danielwebb]

This chic literally said the direct opposite in a different video. Or maybe I'm missing the context of the video

[IOSALive]

Mark Manson, You're amazing! Let's be friends and have fun together!