Get Your Power Back in Relationships! | Kati Morton

Here are the top 5 ways we give away our power without knowing it.
1. Over Apologizing: I know I do this. I say sorry for things I had no control over, or if someone else does something hurtful to me, I apologize for it. It’s disempowering and exhausting, and can leave us feeling unfulfilled and misunderstood by those in our lives.
2. Letting someone else make decisions for you: If you aren’t able to make decisions on your own you may be giving away all of your power.
3. Playing the victim (helpless) / being a martyr: This can be a result of PTSD or trauma in our past, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior, it just helps us to understand why we are doing it. If we find ourselves blaming others for our own feelings and upset, or expecting everyone else to “fix things” or apologize to us, or even if we simply cannot take responsibility for how our actions have affected others, we could be giving our power away.
4. Not speaking up when something is wrong: This could present as passive aggressive behavior, when someone asks us what’s going on or how we are feeling we just say “fine” or “okay” even when we aren’t fine or okay. You know what I mean. If we are hurt, upset, sad, or whatever we don’t tell anyone about it. Or speak up for what we need and/or want. People cannot read our minds, and doing this will only ensure that we are walked all over and our needs or wants aren’t known or respected.
5. Not trusting yourself: If we can’t trust ourselves and how we feel, how can other people? They cant! If we come across as wishy washy, unsure of our point of view or thoughts about something, people are less likely to hear us, let alone respect our perspective.

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy

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[SLACArt]

This is my most favourite video you have made.
It's so on point, and speaks volumes.

Thanks always for your amazing work 💖💛💙

[PRoseLegendary]

Something my counsellor said today: "You are not a victim. The only people who are victims are children, because they are dependent on adults. You have the power to speak up and be assertive."
She also said "You need to be your own best friend first."
Timely video :)

[tompalmer]

I heard a person in AA talk about feeling sorry for yourself. She said it went, "Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another drink." I've heard people decry all the little slogans in AA, but for me they are right on point.

[FemmBoiJay]

Also working on not feeling guilty when I assert myself. I always feel bad when I ask the other person to see my perspective and always fear losing them when I express displeasure or opposition. I’m learning that some people will leave and that it often has nothing to do with me, it’s just a part of life and I can’t control the outcome

[AceWolf]

Unrelated to the video:
You ever have things happen that makes you realize you're missing something? I just had a dream I was cuddling with someone and when I woke up it made me realize how lonely I actually feel. So that was fun to wake up to.

[mirandaoneill]

I know this isn't related to the video but I've almost gone 2 days without cutting! Thank you for helping me through your videos Kati!

[KorinnaSimone]

Love that last tip! I had to force myself to stop saying "You made me mad, sad, etc" and "You ruined my day" because in the end, YOUR REACTION to what they said/did is what ruined your day or made you upset. Changing your reaction to situations is so powerful.

[katiek]

Realizing I did EVERY SINGLE ONE of the first 5 behaviors in my first romantic relationship that just ended a few months ago. I've got some work to do, thank you Kati!

[abbeyc]

I struggled with ALL of these! Living with a mom with bpd your videos helped me to understand her and myself which was the start of me actually living my OWN life. Really hard to do, but absolutely worth it! Thanks kati!

[stellasampieri]

omg i really needed this rn, i really like when you make videos on things like this because it makes me feel less alone knowing that it’s a common thing that people actually do and i’m not the only one ❤️

[storytellerhut]

This video took me days to finish because it was so true of where I am at in many of my relationships. It has given me a lot to think about. I still find the idea of “power” hard to understand. Do I want power? Why does it make me so uncomfortable? Is this why I give away so much of it? I don’t know. What I can do now is work on some of these things (self talk, knowing what I want, maybe even telling others when I am hurt) to make my relationships healthier and take responsibility for my part. Thanks, Kati, great video as always.

[katieelspeth]

I definitely used to do this in my romantic relationships, because of all the pressure to "be cool, be chill, don't rock the boat". My relationships actually became more successful when I would actually say "this is what I want" or "when you said x it really hurt my feelings", instead of trying to pretend to be so okay with everything all the time!
I'm actually in a situation right now thought where a friend did something damaging to a loved one of mine, and I've been struggling so much with that thought of "they ruined my life, they need to do apologize and fix it". This video combined with your one about dealing with anger really made me realize how much I'd been avoiding processing my feelings and doing my own work. Thanks!

[thefalsecritic]

This is such a good video because there are no mind games or similar crap, just clear reflection on our behaviors and how to correct them.

[elizabethmuscott]

Honestly I truly needed this. My therapist is an hour and a half away from me and this is the kind of thing I wonder about... I didn't want to go an hour and a half away to try and spit all of this out in an hours time, so thank you. I really appreciate it ❤️

[chenluwu]

So cute 4:24 the little star dust when pointed at the screen～

[DivyanshuChowdharyJi]

I just love the way you sayyyy, "Welcome!!!". <3

[rachelheflin]

Yes this is something I need this. I am working on this in therapy. Its hard work but I have been taking back the power and it feels good. I am focusing on myself and I don't say sorry anymore unless I do something that hurts someone but self work is worth it

[msxeunybunxy]

I feel like anyone can relate to this video... whether you’re in a romantic relationship or even living with your parents!

[bellaandsevy]

Ah your videos are so amazing!!!! I always mention you in therapy my therapist literally says “let me guess kati Morton made a video on that” thank you for these videos they are so informative!

[Sarahhedger]

I feel like I’ve lost all of my power, I’m almost 30 but still live with my parents because of my multiple chronic illnesses. It’s shit because as an adult and relying fully on my parents especially financially, I don’t feel like I have the right to have any power of my own.