When Gay Men Choose to Marry Women, Despite SSA

I think this is interesting.

[JustM]

It's very rare a woman chooses to marry a gay man. Usually, she's been lied to. Then he gets children he wanted & leaves her in her 40's or 50's & has basically, selfishly ruined her life. People owe honesty BEFORE the marry. I don't have direct experience here, but I know women who do. It's heartbreaking for the woman. There's no excuses for not being honest with the woman - or at least not getting her to marry you under false pretenses.

[debrawooding]

You seem to be thinking that in these situations the woman knows about the man's SSA before she marries him. In reality, most of the time the woman does not know because he does not want her to know. For his own reasons he marries her thinking he can make it work. But even if it "works" for a while, it will not last in a way where both spouses are happy. The woman will find out eventually, and by then she is in rough shape after years in a marriage where she knows deep down something is wrong and most likely has accepted the lies that the problem in the marriage is her. There are millions and millions of these marriages here in America and all over the world.

[Havvyer]

I'm glad my young adulthood began at the break of the millennium! That enabled me to come out to myself as gay at 18 years-old, telling myself I'll never get married, and, yes... I'm still happily single and not pressured at all to marry a woman — too much into men for that!!
I'm so sorry many gay men had to live closeted, getting mixed-orientation-married in their youth years when those days were better in so many ways. They deserved to live those good days being themselves!!

[emilysingh]

Marriage is more than attraction. Just cause u find someone sexually attractive doesn’t mean u want to have that person as a marriage partner

[covertneglect]

I know this video is a few years old, but I just now found it.
I'm a male experiencing some degree of same sex attraction, but I would never call myself gay and strongly dislike the term. Being gay describes more of the social and sexual identity rather than the experience of having same sex attraction. I also dislike the term orientation because it seems to imply that sexual attraction is a fundamental and immutable characteristic like skin color, eye color, or biological sex. In my experience and according to thousands of other people, sexual attraction can be quite fluid throughout one's life, largely based upon experiences. It seems that the more same sex friendships I have, the less sexual attraction I experience for the same sex. I would say that compared to two years ago, I experience about a 40% reduction in the frequency and duration and a 60% reduction in the intensity of same sex attractions. Also, I now have little flickers of opposite sex attraction that are suppressed largely by my disorganized attachment style and my distorted views of women as being enmeshing and too motherly.

All this to say, I am open to the idea of marrying a woman, but it won't be a gay man marrying a straight woman story. No, it will be two sexually whole people marrying each other.

[dama]

I believe Men have to be honest about their Same Sex Attraction (SSA) before they marry a Woman. That way, the Woman can decide if she wants to take a chance on marrying a Man (struggling with SSA) who may decide to leave her in the future for another Man or wait to marry a Man who does NOT struggle with SSA.

[kippuppy]

I've been with my partner for 4 years now. I am a woman. He is a gay man. But romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same. They do not always go hand in hand. We love each other very much and are happy together. We share common interests, cuddles, and being together is just natural for us. We communicate with each other about our needs and wants. Sometimes we seek sexual gratification elsewhere should we feel the need to. But we are open and honest about it. Does this help at all?

[Lucky]

Let’s not forget that sexual attraction and long lasting love can be very different (especially for men) - just because a man wants to sleep with another man, doesn’t mean he wants to wake up every morning and raise children with him. This should be done with the person he loves (regardless of the gender).

[skywalkerjones]

So the comments section seems to not think bisexuals are a thing?

[bert]

I'm in a MOM. In our case, (me) straight man and my lesbian wife.
We didn't know until 20 years into marriage my wife was lesbian. But we decided to stay together.
Well, lots of talking, total acceptance, setting clear boundaries (we're monogamous) and it worked out. Much turmoil at first, it certainly took some years to get to a stable situation where the anxiety faded and trust was restored.
Unexpected thing that happened was my wive developed sexual feelings for me later in the years after coming-out. She's still lesbian, but there is just this one lucky guy she truely likes to make love with.
Sexuality isn't that strict in abiding to labels as many think. We're now 15 years into the MOM, and happy together in every aspect.
We're christian, but very liberal about the subject of homosexuality. We also approve gay marriage, so there is no direct religious reason we chose our path. It was just about love and faithfulness (and handling all with much commitment and common sense).

[jimbroome-blanchard]

Self oppression self loathing denying your authentic self what a sad life to live

[klauretti]

LOL. They were never honest with the women now or in the past about their preferences or their actions during the marriage putting the women at risk emotionally and physically. And you are not honest with this youtube video not talking about the topic yourself.

[franca]

Its quiet common in my country for gay and lesbians to marry heterosexually... because they want to have biological children... were not open minded to adoption like in the west... so many lgbt just marry opposite sex and it can work, its just needs self control... its weird but lesbians and gays who marry heterosexually usually have more children than straight straight couples like 4 to 8 children usually... maybe because their main motivation to marry opposite is to have children

[mryayayify]

You should interview people who are considered ex-gay; Rashad Verme and Samuel Perez.

[lindahinshaw]

You gave no information on the topic of the video

[kimakotrotman]

Isn't it EASIER to just live yout truth😆? It gives you the power to go against the grain.

[colivri]

Interesting. Why would a woman want to struggle with a man with ssa, well maybe to deal with her own sexual obsession. Simple Jewish reasoning here.

[karenm]

I think this is a good subject and the veil needs to be lifted So people can better understand others❤

[robidzinsk]

I wonder why people gave so many dislikes....you dident say anything bad..

[paulachapman]

I happened upon this in search of information on the topic for a novel I am writing based in 1970, where a gay man seems to fall in love with a straight woman (and vice versa). Yes. Interesting. Except he does act on being gay yet they pursue a coparenting relationship