Emotionally Unavailable Men: Is He Using You?

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Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can feel like you're constantly stuck in limbo. He may be sweet, respectful, and even seem to genuinely care about you, but his trauma keeps him at arm’s length, never fully letting you in. You find yourself in a cycle where he's charming enough to keep you invested, but distant enough that you're always left wanting more. This emotional push and pull can make it hard to discern whether he's genuinely trying or if you're simply sitting in his waiting room, hoping he'll become the partner you need. The question arises: Is he using you as a placeholder until he's ready, or is this just a temporary struggle on his path to emotional availability?

The signs of an emotionally unavailable partner are often subtle but unmistakable once you start to see them clearly. He may avoid deeper conversations, deflect when emotions come up, or prioritize his own needs over yours. Despite his good qualities, you're left wondering if you're ever going to be fully let in. When is it time to walk away from a relationship that’s not progressing? If you feel like you're constantly waiting for him to show up emotionally or make you a priority, it could be a sign that he's wasting your time. Emotionally unavailable men often seem promising but rarely deliver the emotional connection you're seeking, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and questioning whether it's worth staying.

At what point do you draw the line and stop waiting? The distinction between being supportive of his growth and being used as an emotional crutch is a fine one, but it's critical to recognize when the relationship is one-sided. If his emotional unavailability is creating a pattern where your needs are consistently unmet, it may be time to consider the difficult decision of walking away. Signs it's time to leave include feeling emotionally drained, constantly seeking reassurance, or noticing that his efforts to connect never fully materialize. Understanding where your own boundaries lie will help you decide if it's time to move on, rather than staying stuck in a relationship that leaves you waiting for something that may never come.

In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!

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[SaraX]

"Stepping stone on his healing journey." I needed to hear this. Thank you.

[sarahmitchell]

Omg I literally JUST 3 minutes told a guy goodbye because you're WONDERFUL

[ireefree]

Having boundaries is always necessary. It doesn't matter if love, friendship or work. Otherwise you won't be happy. Also just to receive the bare minimum is not enough.

[lauram]

Great video, here listening to it again for a sweet reminder to stay away from men who do not value me.

[lak]

So insightful, thank you! Being continuously used really stinks.

[TantricGlowActivations]

Amazing work. Thanks so much. Women will get stronger and men won't damage our hearts. Of course, works both ways too. Lovely ripple effect for us all ❤

[periwinklestardust]

This video is such a gem, glad it came to me, thank you so much. It is very true that guys can be kind and at the same time be very emotionally unavailable, I'm learning that now. Maybe they have some type of trauma you are not fully aware of but it's not your job to resolve it for them, they have to realize it themselves. Be kind to everyone but know when you are being used, and this goes for any type of relationship quite frankly, whether it be romance, friendship, or other. I've met very kind people throughout my life but very few emotionally available people, and I've always felt it was my responsibility to make them feel loved and accepted while ignoring my own emotional needs. It may just be the sign of the times. I'm slowly learning not to downplay my needs and recognize that I want to receive the warmth, attention, and caring that I give others and you made me realize that 🥺❤ I love people I don't have to be cautious around and genuinely want to connect, they are a rare breed but I know they're out there, just keep improving and being yourself and you will find your tribe and maybe a sweet genuine emotionally available guy might just walk into your life 🙂🙃🙃🙂

[Ness-nqmo]

This was absolutely mind blowing. I did the exercise you mentioned and heard a resounding “ABSOLUTELY NOT” when I asked myself if I was willing to sacrifice all my needs on the left for the needs on the right. I’ve been knowing this guys is super sweet but we are just in different spaces emotionally. Sigh.

What do you think about staying friends with him? 🤔

[zhangsunny]

Great chart! Thank you for making a messy situation so clear!

[sasb]

What if they met all of my needs for about 6 weeks and then pulled back emotionally, he asked for exclusivity after the first date, was all in, and then a comment I made around him referring to himself as single seemed to spook him (he’d been through a divorce a few years prior and I was the first person he connected with since) and I turned into an anxious mess, he claimed nothing had changed and that he just didn’t want to rush but he completely stopped all affection and didn’t reciprocate when I tried initiating verbal affection over text. Eventually after. A month of this I shut down because of the on going stress and became cold and distant (I have an FA style which I’ve been working on) and he shortly after seeing me in this state started slowly withdrawing and broke it off saying he didn’t develop any feelings and it wasn’t healthy for us to continue.

[aaronmcclain]

Amy I'm not try to bash any info in this video because I have been this man I I figured out I was emotionally unavailable . But realized I have to change . I lost a gf because this. I always had a wall up. I'm trying to get better . To have a chance again with her.