Why Gifted Kids Are Actually Special Needs

Listen in on how Dr. K breaks down how being a gifted kid may not be all it's cracked up to be. Talking through the pathway of gifted child that leads to burnt out perfectionist and how the gifted child moniker may be more of a burden than a benefit.

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Reddit Post: Gifted Kid Meme
0:45 - Perception of 'Gifted'
1:57 - Gifted children are 'special needs'
3:17 - The purpose of school
3:53 - Falling into the trap of not studying
4:16 - Being gifted young sets you up to fail
6:49 - How this manifests later in life
7:40 - The burden of expectation
11:47 - Shame and low self-esteem
14:24 - What do we do about it?
15:01 - Stop comparison
17:23 - Accept that success is hard work
22:06 - Summary and questions
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[xbjrrtc]

"It's not enough to be average, if you're gifted."

I've never heard it summed up so well. That's exactly how I feel. Have always felt.

[omegaalpha]

Gifted kid here. The biggest negative thing being treated like I was better than everyone else was that I still find it really really hard to ask people for help. It kind of feels like I’ve let someone down by not being self-sufficient

[TB-yxof]

I was academically gifted...managed to study enough to be valedictorian of my school. At the graduation ceremony saw all the other parents happily telling their kids well done. My parents didn't even acknowledge me at all. When I was 50 I finally asked my dad if he had been proud of me. He said he just expected it of me.
Because of this expectation my parents never assisted me emotionally or financially. I literally starved at uni and have totally looked after myself ever since. My parents brought properties for my 4 "dumb" siblings but told me I was smart enough to do it myself without their help.
I'm smart enough these days not to have too much to do with any of them.

[rodschmidt]

"Just apply yourself."
"But how do I know what to apply to what, and how?"

[omgwtfrofltomato]

Heimerdinger kinda nailed it with, "it's often the sad truth that those who shine brightest, burn the fastest."

[PenniniFroze]

One of my biggest fears in high school was that I'd make a single mistake and everyone would know the "smart kid" was dumb and it was just a facade.
It has taken me years to feel okay being bad at things

[TrollLolololol]

As a “Gifted” kid
I can feel myself falling behind, because I was never taught how to study and learn.

[etac]

Quote from my mom which justifies why she is absolutely awesome: "I know you're smart. But if you struggle, it's fine. I'm always going to push you to do your best, but if you ever want to step down because you know you can't do this, there's no shame in it."

[Aerowind]

Another part of that "Shame gap" is the inability to ask others for help, whether it's from your classmates or your professors. There's constantly a feeling of "I'm smart, I shouldn't have to ask for help" weighing you down. I got into my university on a specialized scholarship which required us to all take a class and spend 10 hours a week in a lab to keep it, so we all kind of knew each other. 90% of them lost their scholarship after the first year.

[kara]

Being "gifted" is like driving an automatic while everyone else is driving a manual. You never truly learn how to drive a manual because you simply never had to. Meanwhile, everyone praises you for your driving ability and tells you that you could be a professional driver or - who knows - maybe even a race car driver! You start to believe them and think, yeah... I could totally be a pro racer! Suddenly, you're stuck at the starting line wondering why the hell you can't even get your car to start while everyone else does laps around you

[Pear-vp]

My issue was that as soon as I struggled in adulthood, people were disappointed in me or became confused to the point of annoyance by me. "I always thought you'd be doing something cool internationally." The microexpressions of mild disgust when I tell people where I've been. The gradual withdrawal of support and the increasing dismissal by family and childhood friends is what's been so damaging.

[Dragon_Fly]

As a "gifted kid" I was burnt out 24/7. One time my class had a test in math that I hadn't studied for I took LONGER THAN THE WHOLE CLASS. I had to skip my next class and finish the test. My older sister (Who was a child who needed help) was in the class after me and when she walked into the classroom she kept giving me looks that just said, "Girl why are you still here? The test isn't that hard, is it?" then she finished before me and got a higher grade than me. After that day at school, I just went home and started crying because my "Special needs" sister finished a test before and got a higher grade than me. And I know you're thinking, "Oh, well your parents probably didn't care-" They did. A lot. They were very mad.

[talkativegurl]

Being ''gifted'' really leaves an emotional scar and no one talks about it enough. It's like adults gave us a responsability that we never asked for

[racke]

I remember my mom once telling me of a kid who flunked out of her "advanced math". As in, he was completely incapable of it. When she confronted him about why he didn't go to "regular math" his answer was this: "I'd fail regular math too, but failing an advanced class looks better on paper."

It's important to know your own limitations.

[metalgearsenshi]

Man I love when Dr. K hacks my computer, downloads the draft of my autobiography, and reads it to the Internet.

[anxia-tea]

One huge issue as a gifted student was that everyone was so busy pushing me to be an academic that nobody ever bothered to teach me how to be a person. Now I struggle in social situations to the point it hurts to try talking.

[Latovv]

It really hits you like a train. Sitting at your pc with anxiety knowing if you dont start learning you will get kicked out of school wich causes slight panic but you still cant get yourself to do anything because the easiest tasks are overwhelming. I wasnt gifted but never had to learn up until 6 grade or so. Then grades started declining to average, under average, and then trash.

[barneypaodoce]

I will never forget how many times I felt humiliated by that old "I expected higher grades from you" speech. I didn't sign a contract with anyone, who told them to expect me to be something? Throughout my childhood, any sign of failure was synonymous with a giant drop in my self-esteem.

[okayuuuuu_]

bro just changed my whole self image like it was nothing?? this information made me understand so many things about myself and this is incredible