The Curse Of The Gifted (w/Dr. Blair Duddy) | The Challenges Of High IQ Children

Could being high-IQ and “gifted” really be a type of special need…and are we failing these kids?

[DrAhmadNabeel]

This interview made me feel emotional.

I am a 35-year-old MD currently doing my PhD. I had been in a gifted program for my entire childhood. I had always studied last minute, initially struggled in university because of that, was very stubborn with my parents, bored all the time, and extremely inquisitive.

I won more awards than I can count in different areas: math, health, innovation, tech, programming, graphic designing, filmmaking, writing, etc. I know from my program that I had an IQ of +145.

However, this was and still is associated with continuous anxiety and a strong feeling of isolation. I always felt like finding someone who truly understood what I was going through was extremely difficult.

Most of my classmates from the gifted program did not do well in university. One of them overdosed and passed away at 24.

If I say these things to most people I know, they won't relate or even get it. On the contrary, they might perceive it as bragging.

I wish more people knew about those issues. But I guess nobody likes it when anyone says: I'm smart. Even when it is said in a negative context.

[TheNewRobotMaster]

If you have a high IQ, there's one thing you need to realize: you don't owe anyone anything. People will say you're wasting your talent, but what they mean by talent is what you can do for them. What you can do for others as a whole. One of the smartest guys I ever knew decided to go live in the mountains. He pops into the city for supplies every now and again but generally he just likes nature and survivalism. His great intellect could let him thrive in any academic setting he wanted, and yet he chose mountain man. He realized that most people didn't care about him, only what he could do for them. His choice inspired me and the choices I made in life.

[elisesterling]

I was moved up in school, was in gifted programs, tested at a 148 IQ. Still gifted in many subjects and especially creative areas. But it is hard for me in groups as people don’t tend to understand my vocabulary or interests. I have trouble fitting in. It’s lonely for me and I don’t know how to change myself to fit in. I envy people for whom life is easy. They don’t overthink.

[carol_english]

My late partner had a brilliant son who died recently —a suicide/drug use death. He became a mechanic and then went through university in his early thirties to become a mechanical engineer. But he could never face the fear and anxiety of the job interview process so he always ended up with jobs far far beneath his ability level.

In high school he would correct his teachers. He struggled to do math the way he was expected to do— showing all the steps. He could just see solutions.

His mother was alcoholic who provided very little support to her children. His father was supportive in a passive non-judgemental way but didn’t do any hands on parenting so his son was left to parent himself.

His self confidence was completely lacking, he never felt as though he fit in anywhere. Over time his social anxiety grew and grew. He turned more and more to drugs to ease the pain and loneliness. After his father died (he was a theoretical physicist) he went through he entire financial inheritance in five years, cut his family off, and died destitute and alone about two months ago. It was heartbreaking.

What is being discussed here is not trivial. Brilliance doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand with emotional maturity or confidence. Brilliant young people can drown unnoticed without proper support.

A terrible waste.

[erynlasgalen]

Curse, definitely. In school, there is always the mixed message from certain teachers -- you're really smart, but that doesn't make you any better than anyone else. The praise for the athletes and the popular kids was never followed with that caveat. Even my mother once told me she wished she could see me struggling for once. Then there's the pressure of living up to your potential and the shame if you don't become financially successful, cure cancer, or find a way to go faster than the speed of light. Finally, there is the realization at the age of threescore and ten, that the world is run by people far less intelligent than you are.

Thank you for the information that anxiety comes with being neurologically atypical. It explains a lot about my own life weaknesses. I have an eight year old brandson who also bursts into tears if he makes a mistake, and I had begun to worry about him.

[debspence]

My kid was in the gifted program. The problem was that the enrichment programs were all math and science and she hates math.

[AdrienLegendre]

There are 2 groups of high performings students. Some students achieve high grades to receive praise and recognition from others: parents, teachers, and co-students. This group becomes neurotic and dysfunctional when competing with others for praise in gifted classes, in an elite university, or in a high-pressure/high-paying job. The second group learns to love learning. These are life-long learners and great achievers. This is why the most important lesson for high-achieving students is to find their passion, an internal driving force, that will lead them to success. This is also why high-intelligence students should never be put in gifted classrooms or receive extra homework; these students should be in an independent study program focused on what they enjoy learning. Also, do not screen with IQ tests; provide students with an option for self-learning; those who can learn independently are the gifted students.

[Simsime]

I knew my kid was going to have a high IQ like his father (148). In his first few years of life I explored everything with him without labeling or naming anything. I wanted him to experience life spiritually and intuitively instead of mentally. By the time he was 5 he was talking like a mad scientist. People always asked how old he is because he is so articulate. He didn’t start forming clear words until he was 4. He learned everything by listening to the conversations between me and his dad. He uses complex words correctly without needing to explain it to him. I love that he is very protective over animals and people. He has a deep empathy and respect for life.

[jenniferwalker]

I experienced a lot of this growing up. And don't forget the never getting help because "you're smart. You can figure it out" or "The other kids need my help more than you. You can do it yourself. " or "You're smart. Figure it out." Meaning I got less attention, less validation, less "brainstorming" with a teacher/ mentor/ parent etc. Less explanations.
And it also means more being alone. More being singled out. More being avoided by other kids. Less time with all the adults - teachers, coaches, mentors, etc. who are supposed to guide me by just spending time in my presence and modeling behavior for in front of me. It means more loneliness.
And He** yeah on your comment about the fact that people can and do brag like crazy about athletes, musicians, artists, and various other high achievers, but if your high achievement happens to be academic, you have to super humble about it so you don't make anyone feel bad that they aren't as good as you.

[ErikaEmody]

The IQ comparisons of 70 to 100 to 130.... that makes soooo much sense. We had our GATE program from grades 4-7. I LEFT the GATE program in 8th grade because the new teacher was "normal". She didn't even get it. I was bored. I wanted to be back in shop class where I could make things and where my crush was - hahaha!

[kwpp]

Gifted individuals are massively struggling in today's societal atmosphere of absolute stupidity.

[lovebirds]

I had a similar experience with the whole "never had to study in early education" gifted kid syndrome. I also have severe ADHD that wasn't diagnosed until I was a junior in high school and begged my parents to go see a psychiatrist and get tested. Where neurotypical kids learn how to study and skills for learning, I never did and still have problems with that today. When I started struggling in math classes, my teachers chalked it up to laziness and refused to help me.

I had a fucked up educational experience to begin with, though. Went to a pretty small charter school and a lot of the teachers despised me because of religious differences & favoritism towards founders' kids and large donators to the school.

[commonmancrypto]

Having a high IQ is as much a curse as it is a gift. My IQ is over 150. I was tested in the third grade after constantly complaining about being bored in school. I believe I am in the 99.9 percentile.

I am having trouble approaching this topic because I do not want to sound arrogant. But the truth is, you feel alienated and disconnected from much of society because they cannot think the way you do. It sound so arrogant, but it gets so frustrating holding back. Not talking about the things that truly interest you, waiting for people to understand things that come effortlessly to you. I know this sounds and for that I am sorry. I don't think I'm the smartest person in the world.

I would be willing to bet that gifted people have higher instances of depression and mental illness. To put it bluntly, you feel different than the rest of society. You feel like you don't completely fit in.

But occasionally you find one of your people. It can happen randomly and in the most unusual imagine a Super Bowl Sunday party with 25 participants and then there's two nerdy guys having a private conversation regarding designing an algorithm to help better understand the betting habits of fantasy football players... You know what I'm talking about LOL

[nikkinelsonhicksify]

Yep. I was a gifted kid but poor so a lot of extracurricular activities and schooling were beyond my family's budget. Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts plagued me through my teens. I'm in my fifties now and a mother of two gifted kids. As soon as I saw the signs of depression, I got them into therapy. They are unfortunately as weird as me. So, c'est la vie.

[thesmokeshow]

When I was a child. My teachers actually thought I was a little slow. I was placed in special classes because I couldn’t focus in class. I was diagnosed with adhd and I had to go to therapy for anger issues. What they didn’t know is that both my parents were raging alcoholics and didn’t pay much attention to me or my sisters. In high school I was easily bored in AP classes. I’m currently going to school for mechanical engineering and have an iq in the gifted range.

[jeremyapache]

I tested into the gifted program in elementary school and simply refused to go. That line early on about smarter kids being stubborn really hit home. It didn’t matter how they explained it, I simply was not going to leave the place I had finally grown comfortable.

The teachers and administrators apparently warned my parents they were making a huge mistake, but seeing as how they more or less let me make my own decisions, there was no turning back.

They said I would eventually grow bored with school altogether. I would struggle to adjust socially and eventually begin to rebel, with extreme prejudice, towards anything I viewed as a waste of my time.

I essentially stopped going to school at age 15 and that was after a long period of truancy. Major depression and OCD that had kicked in around age 13, by that point, had completely overtaken me. I struggled to sleep at night and get out of bed each morning. Nothing made sense. Each question beckoned another and once I introduced drugs into the mix (the only thing that brought me any form relief from the constant chatter in my mind), I was done for.

That noise was awareness. Constantly aware of everything going on around me, but also, the immense struggle going on within my psyche. This awakening, when we begin to develop beyond our earliest years, was torture for me. Each new idea I came to understand about the world, about society, devastated me.

That sense of right and wrong that doc mentions is fascinating. The unjust nature of reality itself has molded my personality in ways that go beyond my understanding.

I didn’t open a book for 4 or 5 years and decided to take the GED test on a whim, just to see where I might fall short. Not only did I pass, but I tested quite high in all subjects except math (a subject I’m actually insanely DEFICIENT in).

However, this was not the beginning of me putting my life together. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was the bare minimum and may be the last thing I ever “achieve”.

My adult years have been nothing short of a disaster. I’m lucky to be alive. Addiction, mental illness, and tragic happenstance have created an unrecognizable version of myself that seems to get worse with each passing year. Thoughts of suicide dominate my every waking thought. I am only 32 years old.

As many have pointed out, I connect with no one and refrain from talking about such things as not to come off like I’m bragging or as if I think I’m better than everyone else. It’s the opposite, really. I just want to live life like a so-called “average person” instead of feeling like I’m trapped just beyond the frame. Stuck in a life of constant analysis and rumination. I just hope I can find peace someday.

I have no idea why I’m commenting this on my personal account on a years old video. Maybe I’m tired of suffering in silence. Who knows. If there’s anyone out there who feels the same way and you’re reading this, just know you aren’t alone. Fight. Fight harder against this thing than I did. You’re capable of so much more.

[hamiltonlinderman]

just gotta say, reading some of these comments has me a little teary. feels like someone hacked into my brain and pulled and explained everything I’ve been feeling all these years. just know you aren’t alone

[dangolfishin]

Pretty cool that we as a society are starting to piece together the shared traits of highly intelligent people. I hated school and eventually just slept through my classes. I aced every test, yet never studied or did homework. The pace of school was just painfully slow and I just learned to tune it out.

On the other hand my social skills have always been terrible. I have a ton of social anxiety and generally don't like talking to anyone. Now at 45 I've just come to terms with who I am, what I don't enjoy and I just go with it.

[TrickWithAKnife]

It doesn't get much easier as a gifted adult unless you are fortunate enough to come across talented individuals. They don't necessarily need to be in the same IQ range, but experts in fields that are of interest to gifted adults are a beautiful oasis in a world that was not designed for us.

Most of the time we have to fake our way through life so as not to inadvertently offend others. The duality of guilt for not reaching our potential, and frustration for being looked down upon by others who see us as egotistical or liars when the mask slips.

[lyndaconrad]

My son was one of those kids that "just get it" and consequently was bored in school where they tend to teach to the lowest common denominator.