The First Thing to Do When Someone Dies

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ABOUT DR. SARAH KERR, PHD
As a sacred deathcare practitioner and teacher, I’m passionate about helping my clients and students meet death and loss in a soul-based way.

I’ve been in practice since 2012, helping people find the healing gifts that can accompany death and loss.

I have a PhD in Transformative Learning, with a focus on contemporary ritual healing. I’ve been a student of cross-cultural energy healing for almost three decades and have studied with many Indigenous and western teachers.

I’ve made my own journeys through death and loss, into healing and resolution.

I offer myself in service to both the seen and the unseen world, and I work for healing on both sides of the veil.
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Learn more about Sarah and The Centre for Sacred Deathcare

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I was honored to be holding my husband’s hand when he took his last breath. I still see it in my mind every day. I miss him so much.

BettyGrin

I was lying next to my husband when he died. Even though he was profoundly hard of hearing, I played his favourite music and talked to him the whole time. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I felt an energy pass through me like nothing before. I didn't call anyone for a long time, perhaps 45 minutes. I just wanted to be there. I'm glad I did. Thanks for this.

melodiejohnston

I was with my wife when she died - just a couple feet away. I knew the end was very near - that this would be the day she passed - and I just tried to be there for her. She could no longer speak, but I spoke to her as I always had - greeted her when I entered the room I'd set up for her, told her it was time to adjust the bedding and take her meds - things like that - like we'd been doing for months. I sat with her and held her hand for a while. When I got up to get the glass of water that was on the night stand to moisten her lips, I turned away - and in the time it took to pick it up and turn back around - she'd slipped away. There was absolutely no mistaking the finality of it. I took a deep sigh, said "Oh sweetheart!" quietly, and kissed her on the forehead. I stayed with her for a while, but soon it became clear that I was suddenly truly alone. It wasn't unexpected, of course, but something was very different feeling. So I got up and began to do the many things the living do to serve those who have passed and to continue their lives. It was a profound transition...

godfreydaniel

i held my beautiful wife in my arms as she passed from heart failure after fighting MND/ALS for 3 years. The last thing she would have heard was me telling her I loved her. I then curled up alongside her for an unknown amount of time and slept. Later I called the palliative care nurses who came to our home. The rest is a blur now after 8

samhunt

My heart is so broken. My husband died in the hospital early Saturday morning. I was not allowed to be with him because if COVID-19 rules. They admitted him on Monday, we talked each day until Thursday when he went unconscious, Friday the doctor called to say he wouldn’t make it much longer. Saturday at 3:27 am they called to say he was gone. My heart is broken for not being there to hold his hand in addition to the fact that he’s never coming home. Sometimes I cry so hard I can hardly breathe. My family lives 4 hours away, they’re trying to be of help but can only say so much. My husband family is close by but I don’t know them well and don’t care for the idea of hanging out with them since we never did that even when Joe was here. The journey ahead of me is so long and overwhelming, I dread waking up alone here with no hope in sight. The thought is suffocating. I’m praying for God’s help it’s all I can do.

linmarie

My dear wife passed in bed next to me while I held her hand at 4:30 am. Her breathing became more and more shallow until her last breath. I did not want to disturb her in any way and often wondered it I should have woken up our sons to see her off but I elected to just lay next to her and allow her to go peacefully. I stayed next to her for the next few hours before calling for her final arrangements. I am glad I was able to be with her and for her to be in peace yet one still wonders it what they have done was right. I miss her terribly but am glad I was able to remain calm during her passing . She was in hospice at home which was very important to us. I would give anything to have her back.

jimbo

closure is a myth... finality is real.. my wife died 40 yrs ago, .. miss her all the time

duggydugg

Dearest message I’ve ever heard. I was blessed to be with my husband who died in hospice. His last breath came slowly after the one before. Held my sister in my arms as she took her last breath. Held my next door neighbor in my arms as he gasped his last breath outside in the hot Texas sun. His wife could not handle what was happening. Found my dear meals on wheels folks dead from the night before. They were alone by choice. Death is the last act for us here on earth. It’s not to be afraid of, it’s an honor to be in their presence.🙏

rachelfrees

It’s not that easy; when my husband died I panicked—he died in the hospital/hospice—i was there when he took his last breath—I could not leave him for many hours, crying crying crying.

amyexner

My husband will be coming home tomorrow from the hospital and be on hospice. This video made me feel calm and certain. Thank you!

EagleRockers

As someone who has lost loved ones, I can overwhelmingly affirm this advice.

charlesvandenburgh

I was with my mother when she took her last breath. I sat on the bed and held her hand and told her it was alright to leave me, I would be fine. I told her to go to heaven and be with dad. I said he probably would say "It's about time you got here, come my love." I miss both of you and I miss my brother Paul . He and I were born close together. Me in 1947 and he in 1948.👱🏻‍♂👩🏻🧍🏻‍♀🧍🏻🧍🏻‍♂

juanitaminch

This is an old video, but I saw my husband die. It wasn't a slow death managed with care but an awful experience. He died on the way to the hospital, and he fought every second to live. This kind of death shocks you, and to be honest, it makes you fear death coming. You can not just recover from this kind of death of your loved one as it's a horrible experience

firebyrd

I sit here crying not of sadness but of pride. I'm proud not knowing about this, I did this for my mother. Cared for her in death as I did for her in life. I walk through life wondering if I did right by her. You have just confirmed that I have. For this I thank you good soul. 🙏

zitiden

Love this. When my dad passed on, we sat with him for a few moments. It was an honor to witness his passing and just to be there.

lisainvalencia

My father just passed away on September 7 at 6 pm. I missed his last breath because I had to go to the bathroom. I was devastated. I'm an orphan now. Even though I'm in my late 50's. I'm lost, I was daddy's girl and now I don't know what to do. I miss him so much.

pettywilliams

Interesting that I came across this video today. I am sitting by my husband in hospice wing. He’s been transitioning for 5 days. I needed this today

joysteinkraus

So true. Its was sad but also a special time when my wife passed... 26 years of MS was finally over. She wasn't suffering anymore.

ronsmith

Excellent advice. When my mom died many years ago, I was alone with her in the bedside in the room. I was observing all the process with calm, love and respect holding her hand and watching her breath going away, I stayed there alone with her holding her hand knowing that now she was gone forever, I waited a few minutes then I went to call the nurse and the family who weren't at the hospital. But up to this day, I regret not being alone with my mom longer time, because as you say, once you tell the people all the hustle and bustle start. It's interesting that all my life my worst fear was to see my mom die, I prayed for not being there because I couldn't tolerate the thought of my mother dying, she was my mom and my best friend too. But God gave ne the gift to be the only one with her at that extraordinary moment, and I'm now very grateful for that. By the way, I feel her very close to me.💐🙏💖

AmorDivino-eq

Love this. That is exactly how we handled it when Dad passed away at home from cancer. Quiet, peaceful slow and easy. I was his caregiver and as my siblings arrived each one was comforted by other family members and friends. We talked, we laughed, we cried as we sat near dad remembering and honoring him for being our dad. It was a special time I will never forget.

bunnystuff

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