5 Things I have learned about Friendship with Japanese. What’s your experience?

[dan]

Now I understand why in many animes it's like they are friends but don't seem to know much about eachother and then when one character shares their troubles they start overthinking it and worrying about what the other one may feel

[lunalove]

The children/teens are more emotional than the adults, that gets stripped as they get older. My family hosted Japanese students for 7 years, every time we had to say goodbye was always hard on them. They yearn for that emotional connection.

[cowboybeep]

So THIS is why all my Asian slice of life comics seem to take a ridiculously long time getting to just holding hands or being super close to one another 💀

[kristenyarber]

My best Japanese friend is 50 (I'm 28), and although I know these experiences are typical, it's been the total opposite with her. She's very open and spontaneous, but she also doesn't conform to society. It depends on the person you meet 🥰

[starminoui]

I wonder what is considered a deep connection since being vulnerable is seen as a burden. Also, you’re gorgeous.

[hexgates]

i would die if i couldnt constantly have my emotional vulnerability and deep talks reciprocated. i need that to live

[niamh_from_tirnanog]

In my experience Japanese people are just not used to opening up, so they dont know how to handle it or even comfort someone. I was telling my really close friend of my problems and how depressed I was and she was just laughing awkwardly and saying that she doesn't know what to say, still she tried her best, because she is my friend. My Japanese friends are all very kind hearted, good people. They don't open up themselves, but when you notice they are down and ask them in a sensitive and comforting way, they might find the courage to confine in you and realise that it is a beautiful thing for both of us.

[norybathan]

Lived, studied, married, had a baby in Japan. They are quiet and non intrusive as a people, but when I needed to look for a house, a car ride, and help in renovation of my new rental, they were there. Giving so much of their time and energy. It's been 22 years since then. I will always remember and pray for their kindness 🙏 the best people I know.

[Pandidolod]

My friend growing up's mom was Japanese. She had an emotional breakdown at one point while we were all close. She had just learned about Nanking, Japan in WWII, Korea, etc. because they teach/taught NOTHING about it in Japan. She was flooded with emotions from having close friends and "Western"/American-style relationships. She just said it all felt so different and so much more potent. She told my mom she loved it but at first it was a hard adjustment with how emotional most things in daily life are here compared to Japanese life. I think about that often, and I'm very grateful to be able to live someplace where vulnerability is more or less accepted.

[ZeldaGamer]

Fact is you can find Japanese people willing to have deep and intimate friendships. I’ve found several over my 4 years studying Japanese and 6 months living abroad there. But you also need to know where to look. The average Japanese person won’t care to have this kind of relationship but it’s not impossible!

[Bllue]

I studied abroad in Uni. I always thought it was super shallow of Japanese kids trying to hang out with the foreign kids based on looks instead of interests or idk being a good person. There was a tall white Canadian who was super popular even though he was as boring as a lump of coal. Meanwhile they stayed away from me because i wasn't tall, blonde, skinny, etc. The best friend i made was a chinese girl who had a class with me. I made more Japanese friends back home and formed really strong friendships with them because they were willing to look past shallow appearances.

[dervla]

Sounds like there is no friendship then, just acquaintances hanging out from time to time

[kodakoala]

That blue dress with flowers on you is GORGEOUS

[puccaland]

When I arrived in Japan my goal was to integrate so I naturally tried to make Japanese friends instead of stucking myself in the international circles. I was lucky to meet a Japanese guy who introduced me to his best friends and they kind of adopted me and we became a group of close friends. Then I tried to make more friends, tried hard, organising events and all. At some point I had enough and needed to have meaningful conversations, being able to debate about world affairs, getting out of the Japanese bubble, so I started to try and make foreign friends. Kind of worked out well but after meeting hundreds of people I can count my good friends on both hands only. But I am very picky and I can't stand superficial people so I don't keep acquaintances and blacklist anyone who want to use me because of my profile as a foreigner.

[dumilegugushe]

Your cheerfulness is lovely and uplifting. For every happy, hopeful moment you inspire may you be paid in kind.

[robotistic]

That is so true about not being able to have real authentic conversations with Japanese people. I call my N.Y. friends when I crave intellectually and spiritually stimulating conversation.

[sakurasuzuki]

As a Japanese who spent a substantial amount of my life outside Japan, I can say that a lot of Asian people are not attuned to their emotions the way Westerners do.

Japanese people are not usually taught or used to verbalizing their emotions or accepting their vulnerability, especially in front of others.

I’m sorry that friendships in Japan aren’t what you expected. You’re a beautiful person, and I hope you find the connection you much deserve❤

[lindseyh]

I met a Japanese girl in high school and we became close very quickly. We’re still friends after almost 15 years, and while I do feel like I could tell her anything no matter how personal or private we aren’t as close as we were, due to the distance. She sent me a book called The Japanese Mind by Davies and Ikeno explaining the differences in mindset between Japanese and “western” culture, if anyone is interested in learning more. She actually left me little notes about this with words like “hedataru” and “najimu”.

[elle]

If you're not having deep convos and getting emotional with your besties then what are you doing?? 😂

[MaryMarijaa]

That’d be hard for me. I crave very deeps connections. I’d rather have only one true friend, spiritually and intellectually stimulating, than a hundred superficial „friends“. But I have to say I had a similar experience with Americans (specifically LA, can’t speak on other parts of the US) where people often only seem to have a „deep bond“ with you but it’s mostly just fake, like people pretend often and say things they don’t really mean. They seemed to also define friendship completely different. It’s very interesting how different even making friends can be in different parts of the world.