Why Nice People Are Scary

When it comes to our love lives, it's natural to think that we'd ideally want to get together with someone 'nice'. But in reality, nice people can be a very frightening prospect - especially if we don't like ourselves much.

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Produced in collaboration with:

Mat Laroche

[imadkharchouf]

Now i understand the quote '' We accept the love we think we deserve ''

[xeno]

I thought nice people don't seem very liked because they are perceived as "always available" or "not gonna leave" or they are sometimes perceived as weak, so people subconsciously don't give them too much value.

[colelawton]

if you treat nice people as low in value, you deserve the unhappy future you provide for yourself.

[engsaleh]

being nice is good but being stupid isn't. being kind is good, but being too kind at the expense of YOU is't

[benaaronmusic]

Just a message from one nice person to my fellow nice people:
I've lost a few relationships in my teens and early 20s because I was too clingy and too caring. I've always been the "nice guy".
After those adolescent and immature relationships, I'm happily married and exactly where I want to be without compromising my positive personality.
Don't worry, nice people. Be yourself and you'll find the right person. Keep being nice.

[shannonmaire]

Remember this when dating or making friends. A lot of people have really low self esteem. Thus they make choices based on fear and power. It's not your fault they can't be genuine. The more you recognize games the easier it is to move on in peace.

[AzaJabar]

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

that is why I picked a girl who treated me like trash and she picked a guy over me who treated her like trash, it is easy to say "well don't" but it is harder in practice it is just how broken we usually are, I guess giving up was the right choice :)

[theflyingdutchman]

You need to love yourself, before you can truly love another.

[ogemboxing]

I have tried not being nice but I just can't help it. it's just not me

[cdcanada]

I never liked bad boys, they are a waste of my time and energy. I prefer to be respected and to exist in respectful relationships. It's overall, much healthier and happier.

[Carltoncurtis]

_"If they are any good, why are they interested in us?"_ - Plagiarized straight from my thoughts yo...

[raishiiesajas]

This speaks to me on higher levels. When i was super depressed, low self-esteem and hated myself this guy was always there for me and he had a crush on me. However all i seemed to do was be mean to him and push him away. Now that i have overcome my depression and have abundant self love, i can see how he is a good person and how he only wants the best for me and he's still in my life even after i treated him like shit.. I am very thankful for having him and super thankful for having such patience with me

[xinic]

I was the "nice guy" to a girl I met online, we met for coffee and she repeatedly bailed out or turned down offers to meet again, despite claiming she was interested. Pretty much I asked a third or fourth time if she wanted to see a movie we previously both said we wanted to see. When she said she had already planned to see it with her sister, that was it. Clearly she wasn't interested, and she wasn't nice enough to step up and face the awkwardness of admitting it to me. I'd rather be turned down then led on. I wasn't a dick or anything, I just responded with "Okay, I understand" and never replied again, and she never replied back.

Since then I just try to be more myself, and avoid trying to be polite and "just be". This hasn't worked out any better, but I think it's more inline to just how socially retarded I am. The whole idea of dating and how it goes down is weird to me, I don't really get it. All these sites suggesting to "wait before calling, wait before this or not, pretend to be..." Why not just be you. I don't get this whole advise of appearing disinterested or trying to get a guy to "chase you". Fuck that, I'm not a rapist, I'm not chasing a woman who appears disinterested.

[ArtificialPerson]

I have a nice guy myself, I will never regret having fell for him. He's kind, generous and caring, and loves me exactly the way I like. Lot of girls thought he was too nice for a boyfriend, their lose. As a real woman I knew a real man, and I wasn't letting go.

[JohnDoe-lwtq]

and by the has been programmed....good is bad and bad is is boring and bad is exciting... even at the risk of death...pain and then they ask that stupid ass question "why can't i find a nice guy"

[AudraBurgess]

It always scares when someone is nice to me. Especially when making new friends. I start to build a wall around my heart because I'm afraid of failing them.

[vanessaveiga]

Why do I always talk more then others? I try to be friendly and be considerate but I feel like a creep when I ask too many questions and the person usually doesn't try to talk. It's every single person I talk to. I hate how I am with people.

[captainstark]

Being nice doesn't mean enduring someone tormenting you. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you are no longer nice.

[demianhaki]

To be honest, "nice" people can also seems scary if the niceness does not seem to be a reflection of casual benevolence and affection, but of hidden self-esteem issues and clinginess.

[Blahidontcare]

After ten years I've given up on trying to 'be nice'. People aren't worth it. No I'm not talking about being nice only to try to get sex, I mean trying to be kind and caring to everyone I know and follow my feelings. I have no friends, no relationships, no social life, but good riddance all that's gone. Nobody cares, nobody will try to understand you, nobody will bother to put in the effort to appreciate your company and all the effort you put in for other people will just be shrugged away because why would they? unless you're someone they can benefit from, in which case they just take that and go. So where does this leave you? miserably lonely, occasionally coming across a stranger who thinks they care, until they get to know you, then they'll be gone too.