Why Is It so Hard to Tolerate Nice People?

We all tend to say that we want to get together with a nice person; but in reality, 'nice people' can be very challenging to be in a relationship with - especially if we're not convinced of our own loveability.

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Produced in collaboration with:

Khyan Mansley

[mr.unsaved]

“Kind people are kind because they know firsthand that life isn’t.”

“The helper seeks to help because he knows what it is to be helpless.”

[wubbalubbadubdub]

You accept the love you think you deserve

[machigirl]

Why throw away the perfectly good spaghetti?!

[MizzDivineButterfly]

It’s weird. It’s like people think you don’t like yourself if you’re nice to them. They expect you to act bad to show you’re valuable. If you don’t do this, then you must have a problem. In my mind, if I like you, I’m going to treat you as nicely as I would myself. Therefore, the smile and the warmth I give to others, I have already given to myself. She expects to be treated badly, so she is only available for bad behavior.

[tonynawn]

Hold up homie doesn't have a fridge for that? Invite me over I'll eat it

[xstev]

Commenters seem to be missing the point entirely. If we don't like or think much of ourselves then it feels strange when someone else feels that we're that actually pretty great, because we think we're not. It has nothing to do with needy/fake nice guys... He's a genuine nice chap, and she's got a not great opinion of herself, which is why she's more comfortable with the guy who doesn't care about her that much or doesn't treat her like something she doesn't believe she is.

[tbg]

In a sick world, being healthy is sick

[violetavalery]

It's so painful when you love someone who doesn't love themselves.

[titlespree]

Being nice can be a great thing but only if it comes from genuine feelings of love and care... Rather than out of timidity or insecurity..

[nowhereman]

The problem is there are so many people who act fake and pretend to be nice, so when you see someone genuinely being nice, you're instinctively suspicious of their intent.

[Silly-Little-Mama]

I read a book about “manifesting love” back when I was single. The entire book was about loving and accepting yourself first and foremost before a real loving relationship could happen. It really stuck with me. I met my husband around that time and he had been very enthusiastic about dating me. It was the biggest turn off at first, but I realized that the reason it was pushing me away was because I didn’t believe I deserved the kind things he was saying, the compliments, the attention. I gave him a chance after six months and I battled myself the entire time. So many times I wanted to run just because he was being nice and saying nice things about me. It is hard to accept affection and compliments when you don’t like yourself. We’ve been married 7 years now. I credit that book for showing me my faults, for making me see that I kept pushing away good people because of my self hatred. When you’re critical of yourself it’s hard to believe that others aren’t critical of you too. It’s hard to believe someone isn’t going to suddenly see what a horrible person you are so you keep them at arms length to protect yourself from being hurt. You are lovable, you are worth being treated well, flaws and all.

[PreacherAtArrakeen]

It's harder to tolerate assholes. I have no trouble with nice people. I'm married to one of the nicesr people I've ever met. She has helped me become a better person, as well, simply by example. The world needs more genuinely nice people. Lots more.

[decembersunita]

You see nice people belong to nice people. 💟 shallow people belong to shallow people. 😈

[EB-dbde]

Major lesson to learn here: Don't throw cooked food into compost

[BinaBianca]

May be it's also a matter of age to really appreciate "nice people". You just get to know so many mean, bad and fake people that there is a time where you do enjoy someone who's being JUST NICE ...and also look for that in a partner. It's the same with being a "nice girl" - so it's not only men who get turned down if they're "nice and boring". Each time I hear stories about girls/women or men who turn down nice people, I am even more grateful that I truly enjoy the company of nice people SO, SO MUCH!

[TheLifeFormulaa]

You attract people similar to you so if you are not too nice, you will often find yourself around people that are also not too nice

[Rocksteddybelmont]

There is nothing wrong with nice people and they are not hard to tolerate

[danielchico]

To almost all the comments:

Those are not SPAGHETTI, but Fettuccine!
Please, cazzo!

[dbelow]

As a person who’s chronically “too kind”...this hits too close to home. You really start to wonder what’s wrong with you, or if you’re doing something wrong. But you can’t change because naturally you’re kind and really, it hurts. It’s so painful.

[MrPetoria]

If the other person rejects genuine kindness and praise, they’ve got issues they need to work through. They don’t need a partner. They need a therapist.