Lying To Someone With Dementia

It’s our mission to make dementia caregiving easier for families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia, or any other type of dementia. We do so by making free educational training videos like this so that anyone with an internet connection can access this information.

In this video, I share why getting a dementia diagnosis can be difficult and even be delayed months or years.I break down 3 common reasons the diagnosis may be delayed AND what you can do if you find yourself in this position.

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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[rhondamorgenstern]

IT'S not lying, it's joining them in their current reality

[reenimelgoza]

I agree with being kind. My mom has forgotten my dad has died. She keeps thinking he's out at work when she remembers him.

[susangusinde]

Told my Dad "little love lies" for 7 years. Seeing the sadness in his face after telling him his 5 brothers had passed years ago was all it took. I vowed to never cause him that pain again.

[michaelbean]

Absolutely; it's not like they are going to wake up in a year and find out the truth. Keeping a loved one stress and anxiety free in their last days is a worthy goal.

[juliaclark]

I consider it a way of “respecting their reality”. Constantly correcting them can be a very painful and harmful thing for them, and for us as well. And they will never actually learn the truth. The pain will just be repeated over and over and over, etc.

[WillySiggery]

I wished I had known about this earlier I was telling my wife the truth I would not do it again thank you

[Nistud]

I did this one time with my mom about my dad seeing how he passed away almost 15 years ago now. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I had seen because I broke her heart all over again. I was thankful that in like an hour she didn't remember it anymore

[robfairbrother]

Having had to deal with this the last 4 years with my wife’s mother before she died this year and currently having to deal with it with my father, the greatest piece of advice we were given was by a retired nurse friend who dedicated her career to Alzheimer’s care. Join their world she told us. The truth can devastate them. These words helped us tremendously as the disease progressed. My mother-in-law forgot her husband died and would always say that he was away working and worked too much since he was never home. We never argued it. A care-aid told her once that he died and it devastated her. Family had to be called to console her as she was inconsolable. Thankfully by the next morning she had completely forgotten the experience.😢 Why put them through that? Join their world. If they don’t recognize you, their own child, telling them who you are generally confuses them because in their world, perhaps they are much younger and feel they aren’t old enough to have a child your age. As hard as it may be for you, tell them that you are a friend and just wanted to visit them. If they are telling you there are strangers walking around in their home then it may be a good idea to lower mirrors they walk frequently by to just below head height so that when they walk by they see their body reflection but not their face. The stranger they are seeing could very well be themself as they don’t recognize the person looking back at them because, again in their world they may not think they are as old as they really are.

[ticketyboo]

Thank you for this content. I full time care for my mother with dementia. I do allow my mother to talk about her siblings who are now passed and don't correct her when she believes she saw them yesterday. I do have to correct her when she says she can walk upstairs ( she's non-weight bearing ) but put it as kindly as possible. I simply say it's temporary bed rest.

[kimberlyevans]

Early 2000's I worked at a long term care facility. For One week I filled in on the " alzheimers ward" a gentleman keep asking if his family was coming to day and they'd left earlier so I told him they would come tomorrow. The head nurse asked me to step into hall and chewed my butt because I was lying that I should always tell them the truth to help "keep them straight ".
I'm thankful for the most part, that train of thought isn't used as much.
But if someone is in dementia care it's because they have memory challenges for most of the time if not all the time and need reassurance of love and care.

[pcatMe]

KINDNESS! Don't be cruel. Save them from suffering!
It's not a "lie", it's a thoughtful, alternative reality response to suit their alternate reality state. Often you can still answer truthfully, without being that untruthful, by being very creative or somewhat vague.
Often my hubby accepts y changing the subject or an odd or vague answer, not even realizing it's somewhat off track.

[kisharamsey]

Went through this with a client and it was like she was hearing it for the very first time every time then I just started to say he’s not here or he’s on a trip! Much more comforting and she was ok with that

[Simplevida]

Love your channel! So so grateful for you. I find your tips & videos extremely helpful. My mom is 73 w/dementia, your videos have changed my relationship with her for the better. It’s been so hard but in learning & understanding what is happening & how to handle tough situations has enabled me to be with her on a more deeper level. Things go better & we both end up enjoying our time with each other.
& I agree wholeheartedly that it’s “not deceiving but relieving”. Protecting my mom from going through the emotional suffering is so much better than telling her the truth with very painful memories. She doesn’t need or deserve that…no person does. That’s the way I see it.❤

[Tina-lcjy]

Therapeutic lying is always the best way. I would not want to relive hearing about a loves one dying. I agree with this video 💯

[marysandlin]

I consider it "living in her world." As long as my mom's world is not scary, I'm happy to join her there.

[L.J.H.-sgeb]

I live with my mother who is 75 years old and in fifth stage dementia. it is my joy take care of her and to make sure she's safe. I have a lot of help from her doctor she was also my doctor and nurses that have come here with home care experience. and yes instead of even lying I changed the subject and it's easy to do that because of her short-term memory is just that one second she's can forget what we talked about or what she even asked. I think about sometimes how nice it would be to not remember. But then I realized her whole body is going through that. prayer has given me peace. thank you for your videos they have helped me a great deal.

[omerta]

Lying to someone is bad when the individuals intentions are bad. I fully believe that lying with good intentions can often be better than honesty with bad intentions. When adding the dementia variable, a person lying to comfort someone becomes an act of compassion. Your videos are truly a blessing and a light. Please never stop sharing your expertise and insights! Sincerely, a caretaker in the making (both parents)

[lisachelton]

When we first moved my MIL in w/us, I made timeline collages to help her remember significant events in her life, such as births & deaths. She recently came up w/a story about visiting us then going back home. I have been thinking about removing the collages and foster the 'just visiting' narrative.

[bibleprophecytoday]

I am a caregiver and work with Alzheimer’s and dementia clients. My mother passed away in 2012 with dementia. I do not believe it is lying per say to them. It is my responsibility to bring them comfort and joy. To show them they are still important and engage with them. I try to keep their ‘world’ calm and stress free. There isn’t a need to tell them their mother or loved one has died. I say they have gone on a long trip.

[sylviebigger]

Absolutely. That obviously still have feelings just forgetfulness. Feeling are alive