What is “Queer Enough?” (Hint: Not me.)

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I want to make clear: In this, I am speaking for myself only, and how I see my own sexuality and my lived life and experiences.
I do not speak for others, even those whose lives may seem to resemble mine, nor do I encourage you to use my experiences and feelings to gatekeep or judge others. Because, well, that’s shitty behavior. Let people choose how they feel and how they identify and if you don’t like it, leave them alone.

I saw this post on social media by @rosalarian on twitter. A couple of tweets were screen captured. They say:

- The queerest thing you could ever say is, “I don’t feel queer enough” because literally every queer person I know has said this at some point.

- Just by reciting the words “I don’t feel queer enough,” you gain 120QXP (queer experience points) and at level 3 you can cast mice missile.

LOL!

First, let me just say that I love this. It’s silly and fun, all while delivering a critical message. YOU ARE ENOUGH. If you feel queer, you are. Plain and simple.

YOU have a right to choose your labels. You live in your head, and you know who you are better than anyone. Feeling queer enough is just another version of imposter syndrome, and most people experience that in various areas of their lives at some point or another.

It’s OK.

You’re just as queerly human as the rest of us.

Or not.

You see, I was an active and outspoken baby queer back in my day. But today, I feel differently.

Now, in my late 40s, I not only don't feel queer enough…

I am not queer enough.

(At least not queer enough to force myself into LGBTQIAA+ only spaces. not queer enough to want my voice heard AS LGBT over other LGBT voices. Not queer enough to pretend to expertise or even lifestyle.)

And this is MY Choice to make. Only mine.

See, here’s the thing:

My life is hetero-normative 99% of the time, now. (Maybe more.)
I have only twice ever been subjected to hate for being with someone other than men. (And honestly, once they were wrong and I was simply friends with that person.)

I have never been fired or denied access to things I need because of the people I love or bang.

I’ve never been in fear for my life as LGBTQ.

My family is 100% accepting of me in any form or variation I’ve ever chosen and I never had to worry about that.

I was not mocked in school for my sexuality or gender (or perceived sexuality or gender).

I've actually been given a lot more flak for dating men of different races than for my same-sex or non-masc partners.

So, when it comes right down to it…

I am LGBT, but I identify more as an ally, because I have not had to struggle the way many have.

Again, I feel like I need to say that I speak only for myself and my experiences, and how I choose to live my ally-hood versus my queerness. I am not saying how others should identify. That’s not my right, nor is it anyone’s.

I was queer enough when I felt queer enough. I don’t identify as queer anymore. You are allowed to change. You re allowed to grow and explore and find your place in your world. And that place may be different today than yesterday or tomorrow.

You have every right to be you, however you are.