My Two Mums (The Myths of Gay Adoption) | Lynne Elvins | TEDxBristol

When people announce they are going to have children - the normal reaction is “congratulations!” When you’re a gay couple who announce that you are going to adopt, you can get a very different reaction.

Lynne and her partner Emma, became the first gay couple to be approved for adoption in Bristol, UK, in 2004. Lynne takes us on the incredibly moving and thought-provoking journey her family embarked on with their adopted son Steven.

She also addresses the media headlines and myths around same-sex parenting, the machinations of the adoption process and society’s ingrained assumptions about gender roles.

This talk is from TEDxBristol 2015 Great Expectations: looking towards a future we can dare to expect more from.


Our talks were produced and edited by a brilliant team of talented volunteers:

Richard da Costa
Ben Scrase
Gabriella Zagni
Ellie Markwick
Mark Phippen
Ash Farkas
Helen Stenner
Composer: Matthew Pearson

“Women can do ‘dad’ things in exactly the same way that men can do ‘mum’ things.”

In this thought-provoking and very personal talk, gay parent Lynne Elvins explores what ‘family’ means in the 21st Century. She describes how we can all re-connect and be part of wider families, providing caring, kind and inspirational role models for the next generations, regardless of our sex or whether we share the same DNA or not.

Lynne Elvins is a design strategist and runs her own consultancy business. Lynne and her partner Emma, became the first gay couple to be approved for adoption in Bristol, UK.

[KexyTime]

when i was in kindergarden ( i think i was about 3) there was a boy with two mums and i remember the day someone told me because my little brain started to think, my conclusion was : since he had two mums and they both were his mum then one most have been pregnant with his head and torso, and the other with his legs and hips, then he was born and sown together at the waist. child logic at it's finest

[nelsongonzales]

Im glad they ask that question in the interview, "What would you do if your child turned out to be gay"

[BrianZab]

I had the hugest smile on my face when the crowd applauded her statement saying that women can do fatherly things, and that men can do motherly things. :)

[cait]

I don't understand why people are so desperate for the whole "Straight, male/female family role." But they forget that they don't always work out; fathers and mothers both leave, some straight parents are abusive, "A child needs a dad" say that to single mothers and children who have been raised without one because of whatever reason. "Gay people will turn their children gay." Then how do you explain the fact that straight parents don't always have straight kids. And gay people who adopt are choosing to have children, heterosexual couples don't always want children but have and raise them anyways, at least they chose to love and take care of someone who needed it.

[anniel]

I am the daughter of gay parents. I have no idea what it's like to have straight parents. I will never know what it is like to have anything different. So it's funny when people ask "Whats that like?" and I really never know how to answer that because I only know my parents and how they raised me.

[meaning]

I don't know why people assume that gay parents are different from straight parents. Having gay parents doesn't mean kids will be gay having straight parents doesn't mean kids will be straight. Being a straight parent doesn't mean you're a good parent.

[Darkelf]

Lovely video, this really encouraged me as I am an adopted child. My mom had us two boys. One straight, one gay. She never treated us differently, other than to our own personalities, but she loved both of us very much, like Lynne in this video. Straight is wonderful! Gay is wonderful too! Bisexual, asexual who just love our families and stop the hate.

[seleniapendragon]

"Children need a mom and a dad" Well tell that to all the single parents, mom and dads, to the children who have only one mom or one dad and are perfectly fine!

[amybodner]

There are so many children in the world who need parents. Why anyone would allow outdated biases against gay people to prevent a child in need from finding a loving home is beyond me. I'm so happy Lynne and her partner are paving the way for other gay couples to adopt.

[garyg]

Excellent talk. Being a gay dad, I like that you said "Men can do mom things" and that you understand the "struggle to deal with the consequences of those difficult early years".

[victoriawittner]

Yes, I think that gay parents would have approximately as much success in turning a straight child gay that straight parents have had turning gay children straight.

[Ackermoon]

I am studying psychology, and our professor mentioned just yesterday in development psychology class, that the only thing a child wants and needs, especially in early stage in life, is just love and affection, and that the gender of the parents really has nothing to do with it... Not rocket science, but still science!

[averageteenager]

As an adopted girl with two moms I love this video so much

[rachelcreatez]

Why would people rather a child not have a family and be thrown from foster to foster or just in the care system instead of two moms or two dads that are so eager to love and support the kids and give them the life a child deserves?

[davismcdonald]

As a son of a single mother with minimal to no support from my "father" I can say that I believe I've turned out rather well

[CHLOCHLOLP]

I think more people should adopt regardless if they can or cant produce children. There are so many amazing little people out there who need as loving family or home and instead of bringing more people into this already overfilling world, why not help one who is already here navigate their way through, when they need it most.

[snowbird]

I find it ridiculous that there’s a stigma against two loving parents, giving a deserving child a caring home and a good future. That child could’ve been lost into the system, possibly failed school and end up on the streets or in prison. That child is very lucky to now have such caring parents in his life.

[audreytrammell]

I love to see so many calm, collected people gathering in one place to talk civilly about this simple topic that is taken so toxically by some. It inspires me to know there are people intelligent enough to know that being calm could be the answer to getting our points across

[bea-blqc]

when she said that "you're so special that you're gonna have two moms" part i got so emotional that I started crying idk why

[hanak]

It's so odd when people say "having a kid raised by same-gender parents will make them gay"...like even if it were true, so what?