Theory of Mind

What is Theory of Mind and how does it affect autistic individuals? That's what we're looking at today!

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[lutravurr]

i unfortunately have to be extra careful because i cant understand people acting maliciously and its put me in really emotionally manipulative and abusive friendships before

[hohohomelander]

I am both autistic and good at theory of mind. I hate it when "experts" say it's the hallmark for autism.

[Xankillr]

This is definitely something I struggle with. In most situations I absolutely cannot grasp how or why people think the way they do when to me "my way" just seems to make so much sense.

[isabellefaguy]

I used to be not good at ToM when I was a (autistic non diagnosed) child. Simply because I tought really differently, feeled the world very differenty (sensory anomalies), and had values very different from those around me, especially other children. As I grew up into teenage and adulthood, people explained me why they think this or that, why this or that is socially appropriate, I read psychology and sociology books, etc. And I became an autistic adult (still undiagnosed until 39 yo) with enough knowledge to be able of neurotypical ToM in much siutations. Then, I became officially autistic (diagnosed) and met several fellow adult autistics and... found out that I actually understand them without having to use all that painfully acquired knowledge about NT ToM. I discovered something many autistics know : there are at least 2 ToM : autistic and NT. Some friends of mine who have other neurodivergences say that there exist more thant 2 sets of ToM. So, probably it's NT's who lack ToM, because they are not aware that neurodivergent people think differently. NT just assume everyone think, feel (sensory) and feel (emotively) as them. They're successfull with their assumptions just because statistically there are more NT people.

[francescoleman-williams]

Thank you for pointing out that a lot of people would struggle with theory of mind, I know a lot of people who cannot see other people’s perspectives!

[SMVanderMolen]

My interest in acting and theatre directing has actually helped me a lot with developing skills to deal with theory of mind, and when i take the time to process everything that i just heard and saw for instance in a conversation, i don't have much problems with it. Thing is, sometimes it's asked to respond quickly, and i won't have enough time to process everything i've observed, and think about it. And when i don't have the time to think about it, i notice that i fail mostly on this subject. The best i can do, is to ramble on carefully until i'm sure about what is going on. It tends to help. But theory of mind is not something that comes naturally for me.

Well thought out video again, thanks for sharing! keep it up!

[QlueDuPlessis]

Once I started school I quickly realised that people are devious are generally trying to "get one over" on everyone else. I learnt very quickly that community and socialising is mostly just a mind game that people use to be the 'top dog' rather than any true attempt to cooperate.
I dealt with this by throwing myself into academia and avoiding social situations.
I was more successful at hiding my infirmity than my more classically autistic brother. (Who was also not diagnosed, go figure.)
The '80s in South Africa really didn't encourage a diagnosis of any sort. It was so taboo to have a learning disability of any sort that even people who had diagnosed learning disorders were treated as 'lazy' and beaten into conformity. (As in corporal punishment was a real thing back then and dished out left, right and centre!)

[SparklingsPlayground]

Another great video. Thanks for including the complication of neurotypical people sometimes also struggling with this. Or with them can it be more about refusing to engage with others' reality because that's what they learnt!!

[sarahhopkinsluvscats]

I am not autistic and I have trouble with this. I think we all do. The only way to improve is to focus on it the way Stephanie is. Thank you, Stephanie for your good work.

[isabellefaguy]

Concerning the Sally and Ann test, in French (my native language) the question is translate as : où devra-t'elle regarder pour trouver sa balle? Which would translate in English as : where will she have to look to find her ball? To which I answered the "wrong" answer. Because, obviously, she will have to look there to find it as it's now there... I did knew she couldn't know the ball had been moved. But the question in French doesn't ask wether she knows the ball has been moved, it asks where she will have to look to get her ball and to that I answered correctly. So I have this to say about the test : it surely doesn't test about ToM.

[tudormiller]

I'm not autistic, I'm Dyspraxic. But I understand what you mean regarding this. I have issues with social situations as well.

[Tim_G_Bennett]

I find this an odd one. I find lots of people think they know what I'm thinking and it's way off the mark, I feel like other people are a mystery for sure and they do things that don't make sense a lot of the time. Especially when it comes to things like money, I don't value money like others (having a chronic illness tends to do that to people) they cannot understand my motives very well. I've had friends tell me that they never know how I'm going to answer a question, that might be because I come up with answers in isolation, like I don't tend to care about group think.


Then I tend to say just the wrong thing at just the wrong time enough that in social situations I'm almost mute now. I will also say things that other take a very different way then how I meant it, it's all really confusing.

[raschelelliott]

People never understand my motivations and without fail accuse me of evil intent. WHAT ! Commonly I hear “wipe that smirk off your face !” When I was smiling or “ don’t play dumb with me !” I was trying not to be dumb etc. often times I feel they are so plagued with their own insecurities they immediately project their own motivations on to me . I’m the broken one with my joy and simplicity and haven’t chosen to live in fear and pride than I don’t want to be fixed

[sarinalight]

Thank you! 👍🏼Theory of Mind is something a had & at times still struggle with understanding from certain people. ❤️

[loverainthunder]

I thought people knew what I knew, I didn't realize that people were hiding things and lying.

[Christine]

Thank you so much for this explanation! This came up in my assessment, and I was struggling to understand what it meant. One of many examples I see of this in my own life is that I really struggle to understand why people don’t like the same foods I do and why they would eat foods I don’t like. Like why are people forcing themselves to eat onions?! Except they aren’t…. They actually do like the onions. And why do farmers bother growing onions? Why would stores sell them? It still baffles me to the depths of my soul.

[SomebodyTheOcean]

i can definitely say i didn't understand this or as my teacher put it 'critical thinking' until i was 18-19, every group project was my worst nightmare because i didn't understand why everyone was doing things differently than how i did it, when i thought how i did it was the most optimal way. my teacher called me selfish for not being open to other peoples ideas that i couldn't see as being useful and told me to follow another student who was very open and receptive in group projects lol hooray for modelling other people because that's how i eventually understood it

takes me back to when i was younger and my mom had to spoon feed the understanding that people think differently than i do, and it took me the entirety of elementary school to grasp that

[pmheart]

I also say I tend to overthink a lot of things because of these "I don't immediately understand" moments. Yes, it's stressful, and usually people are told not to overthink, but if I can head off issues, that is better than dealing with crisis'es. I have been addicted to being involved vs avoiding - yes, I avoid plenty. But it's avoid or overthink. (both, people say not to do.... Hmmm)

[randalalansmith]

There's a difference between what you know with your knowledge, and what your feelings come up with.
Like, we know that people speaking other languages actually think in that language. But maybe your gut feeling is that they think in english, and then just speak in code to exclude you from the conversation.

[nydcat]

One day, I discovered that #5 existed. That was the last straw that pushed me to get a diagnostic.