Why is your life a mess?

This is a follow-up to a two-part discussion on why your life is such a mess...

#Vusilanga
@vusilangalaselenge3969
Why is your life a mess?

[sinakomelo]

Camagu tatam. Nontanda, Ngcwele yase mazulwini, gazi lam. Makwande kuwe.

[uzalo]

Camagu Tata Bhele waze washaya esikhonkothini.My life is in the mess true I had a station car which is my uncle's and andiyicheli uma ngichela ikhaya futhi yena lomalume umisa imisbenzi amatiya okufanele enziwe lapha ekhaya ethi yena akakholelwa kumaThongo/amaDlozi.Abalele abalandwa nomaabazange bagezwa.Akafuni ukuzwa niks engiza nako okuvela kosiyazi.Mina ngindlu yami kodwa nayo ayibikwanga umalume uyavimba.
Angazi nami kumele ngenzeni ngoba nguye osele ekhaya futhi nguyena omdala.Okungimangazayo ucawa kwaZCC uthi akakholwa nezinqubo abazenzayo.Ngibophekile Tata ndisize.

[TaMundas]

Igqirhakazi = isini sesikhomokazi. Mxelele uRhadebe. Kukho iXhego. Kukho iXhegokazi (ixhekwazi).

[nominoms]

Camagwini emaBheleni, ngo 2019 apha ekhaya bekukho i room ehlala iinkonxa, fatyi, iibmbiza ne bhekile.safaka ke nezinto esingasazi sebenzisiyo.ihlala ivaliwe le room. Kwafika ixhekwazi nge thongo kum labuza ngubani nha lo ulala kule room? Kutheni ihleli ivaliwe? Enomsindo lomakhulu. Uvuka kwam ndafounela u sister wam.savumelana ke ba xa efikile sizakuqoqosha pha senze i space silahle ezifuna ulahlwa. Akhange kube kudala bhele engekafiki u sister wam. Kwavutha qala kula room.yatsha indlu yaphela, indonga kwasinda i kishi lodwa. Kwafuneka sidilize sakhe ngokutsha. Singabobantu baqala ubomi phantsi. Sazixelela ke ukuba akunakuze kuphinde kubekho room igcina ubugoxo, akunakuze kuphinde kubekho igumbi elihlwli livaliwe.

[nozis]

Molo tata
Lamabhodlo omzi oshiyiweyo awuyimisi yona impilo?

[phumezaladyp]

Ithini number Yakho Bhele, please Tata Ndilapha e JHB

[TaMundas]

Bhele Langa lokulunga,
Kumele kubene disclaimer xa kusenziwa itopic enje.
It is very SUBJECTIVE (a number of what you've mentioned) and may instill doubt kubalandeli bekhasi.
It is natural that as people we project from our own perceptions. e.g.
[] iihoko ezindala: while I take that izinto zakwamakhelwane or zabathakathi may find refuge kwezi unused space, it does not mean ngoba yi unhoarder you won't have amaqhina ebomini bakho. You will still have iinkukhu zakwamakhelwana zisiza apha ekhapha, kanti zezentakatho. Heh? Andithi ziyaziqhwayela iinkukhu awuhoyanga nto? You only have ixande no ronta omkhulu nobuhlanti, wasichitha isibaya seebhokhwe mhla nachitha eziya zazisele ngaloo ndlela enenza ngayo. Dishoarding. As a matter of fact, uyayazi nawe mntanomhle and nawe uyayitsho xa usifundisa ngeyeza elithile, nantoni na inee side effects. By dishoarding, you could be upsetting abadala ngoba you've even erased "the institutional memory" of the family. Senisothuka ukuba why ezindwendwe zifaka zihlale kulamthi we gumtree. Athi uSiyavuma waseNgqushwa ndibona iShedi enamakhuba, neeplanters neetools zonke zekhaya apho kuneendwendwe ezi (iinyosi), futhi kwakubaselwa kuphekelwa apho, kukhona nedlala. Nkamalala anizazi ezi zinto kuba niqabuke sezasuswa. Nithi "hayi mntomdala uwuphosile umhlola, wona uze nawo kakuhle." nithathe iR50 yenu nimke nifike nichaze ekhaya, kuthi othile ongahambanga ngenxa yezizathu zokukhula athi "lalikhona ikhitshi, neshedi etc kulendawo ihleli iindwendwe. Sazichitha izinto ezazilapho ezinye zaphela abantu bezithathela nje etc." (Institutional memory).... niphinde emva senifake iminqwazi ezandleni neentloko phakathi kwamadolo futhi mhlambi benidlulele komnye nomnye afterwards....INSTITUTIONAL MEMORY.
Maybe, therefore, we must preach iAnnual "Spring Cleaning" day yekhaya, senze njengoko ayesenza amadoda ekhaya emkayo, kuba ayebuya ngoJune nangoDecember kuTebha azokulungisa amakhuba, awafake iOil nee grease aqiniseke ukuba izinto are ready for iimvula zikaAugust, ahambe ayobhatala irhafu eNendafesi ("Native Affairs" = Home Affairs / even SARS). In December kwakuhanjwa kuyiwe eBokaspark nakooShulisi noZesman (Zeitsman) kufunwa isikali sekhuba usize 12 no 18 no 24 for lantsimi inamanje etc.
Essentially, you had that storage, but it was maintained according to timetable yendoda yekhaya namadodana ayo which we have lost after bemkile or aba bangotata ababanga naxesha losifundisa kuba sasixakeke yimfundo ne rural-to-urban migration ukuzama ukuphila. However, MOST IMPORTANTLY, umzi mawuhlale uqiniswa, usapho nje khelubuye luqine, okhoyo achele/atshize ekhaya, aqhumise/ashunqise as you suggested ngemoto endala nomkhukhu ovaliweyo. You, otherwise, do not maintain umzi purely by dishoarding (which to me = destroying the history and the subculture yelikhaya), lest namakhwenkwana aya entabeni, abauyele ukwenza nothing other than ukomba amangcwaba, uhamba izichenene, competition about ngubani umfana omkhulu esileyini, kwafakwa omphi endlini, ngubani ohlala ngasentla kwefestile or ngezantsi kwayo etc, umfana ade avanye iintsipho, because there's no UBUNTU BETHU kumakhaya, sayi shredda our institutional memory and homely sub-practices. In short, masehlulele (in isiZulu) when we make these points: awe referring to a four-roomed house yaseMdantsane or umzi waseNxamkwana na?

[] ingqumbo yomzali: we give this intlonipho yomzali too much weight, to a point that this becomes a self-limiting belief. Nowadays Bhele even uDadobawo wekhaya uyahlala equmbile ngapha eNdende esithi akayi yena kulonkomo yasemva-kwedinala katatakhe kuba aba bantwana abanthanga abathanga bathi bathi kutheni kungathangani. Only to realize that she cannot fathom that utatakhe sele esenzelwa ngabantwana bakhe or bakabhuti wakhe or bakasisi wakhe but her. She, at that point, just wants to throw her wait around, instead of providing iguidance (maybe due to that lost institutional memory she cannot offer anything other than ageism, and the problem of birth, and she is feeling ashamed (remember we are brought up in the system of authoritarian parenting with "rewards-and-punishment" which brought shame and guilt). Ufike ke uDabs ecinga ukuba ifi uhleli apha kwakhe eNdende awuzulunga umsebenzi kuba uqumbile, equmbele ingca le igcwalise eli. Suke umsebenzi ubemhle ngeyona ndlela imangalisayo, to a point that intlabi iye enkomeni/ebhokhweni just nje ngokosiko kanti yona ibhonge besaphuma endlini ngengoma, ukubonisa ukwamkeleka komsebenzi ekukade walindelwa kwelakwamoya.
In short,
* ukubamdala akutsho iwisdoma all the time;
* Usengabamdala, but we must hear each other - yayingathi na ingoma yakudala "omncane uhloniph' omdala, omdala ahloniph' omncane"? So, let's respect each other's viewpoints.
* as a family we can disagree, and still embrace each other as a loving family. Do not love me ngoba ndikupha imali or ndivumelana nawe, mhla ndanoluvo olungafaniyo nawe we are sworn enemise. As such we must propagate this new way of thinking within the families and with ama followers and not inculcate a practice of fear-based codependency and enmeshment.
[] Ingaba umzali uyamkweleta xa ekukhulisile or ekubhatalele iifees eBorder Tech? Maybe khawukhe unabise nakule noba kungelinye ilanga. Uzizele na kwelihlabathi? Was it not his/her responsibility? Umkakadile (ukumsetsha)? Akwenze uba ude ungabuphili obakho ubomi "wena awutshatanga awunamntana ooNompikiso bona abantwna babo bafuna iuniform" blah blah blah ... bekutheni bangacwangcisi? Why ndiza kugqityelwa ngokubila kwebunzi lam ngabantu abahleli ekhaya bengenzi mzamo?
[] igumbi elihleli livuliwe and elihlala livaliwe: which is which MaBheleni? I slightly agree but ngoku alitsolanga, which is right kanye kanye? I am left confused. Otherwise, the lyrical thesis rhymes kamnandi on both, but ekupheleni kwemini ndithin?

Enkosi Bhele, lihle ikhasi lakho. Ndiyakuyivuyela intetho-mpikiswano kulamanqaku.

[pumezankwali]

Camagu bawo uBhele enkosi kakhulu...ndicela ubuza xa utyholwa ingaba siyakuqumbela isinyanya kodwa awenzanga nto? Kuba mna ndinengxaki yokutyholwa ndakhala ndafuna uzibulala mhla ndeva kusithiwa ndathetha into ndabe ndingenalo nofifi