Why There's No Such Thing As A Loser - Dr. K Explains

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[stGradeWumbology]

It isn't just "loser" either. No label can truly capture what you really are. Really think about this and you'll start to become immune to shame.

[collegerebel]

My parents taught me nothing. They just sent me off to school and expected things to just fall into place. They have friends, but they're distant.

[cbazxy]

Clip from- you're 25 years old loner. Timestamp Around 17:30

[mmh]

This is what I've been called myself since almost the beggining of the year. Things have gotten better and this video is like a pat in the shoulder from a friend telling me that things will get better and indeed thay do.

[duskshadow]

To be fair, making friends as you go into adulthood is a very difficult task for everyone. Not only is it hard to make friends, but it's even harder to maintain that friendship. It's because most of the time you're busy with your work, and it's the same with the other person. So, you basically have to make availability according to both of your schedule weeks ahead of time before you actually have the time to meet up. It's kind of unrealistic to talk often because most of the time you're tired by the time you get home from work and just want to not move or do anything. Then when weekends come around, you have to spend a day cleaning up your apartment/house, buy grocery, do laundry, take care of your bills, trying to rest and finally have some time for yourself, etc. When you finally find a romantic partner, you'll be dedicating most of your time developing on that relationship and not so much on your friendship. Then you have to dedicate to raising your own family and blah blah blah. This is why most adults don't have that many friends, because it's hard to make one as you become older, and it's even harder to maintain one.

[Phirestar]

My parents never taught me how to make friends and maintain friendships. All of the friends that I’ve had in my life, as far as I can recall, were people who came to _me, _ first.

When I went to visit my dad one summer, I believe between middle and high school (8th to 9th grade), he sent me to this “day camp” thing that a whole bunch of other kids went to. There were people of all ages, anywhere from 6th grade up to seniors in high school. He sent me for the specific purpose of hoping that I’d make some friends there. (I didn’t have any friends throughout all of middle & high school, expect for one person that I had met online who lived a few states away.)

You know what I did for that whole week, of that day camp? I sat there and didn’t talk to other people. I just engaged with the activities that we all participated in, and kept to myself.

[luminis-novum]

I just want to hug you man. I really mean that. I'm beating myself up so hard that most days I want to crawl into a hole and hibernate. No one sees it and I don't say anything about it. This video means a lot

[cven]

Cool to see someone use and explain the term karma so clearly and without superstition! Once you can look at things like that it becomes really difficult to be judgemental about people.

[BebbaDubbs]

This!
Once you find people who understand you, it's life-changing

[frenchfries]

I think the part that hurt the most was my dad never actually calling me a loser. He would just call other people with the same traits as me losers, to indirectly call me one

[dhoom-z]

There are bad people in this world that mean to be bad, those are the losers in my opinion. Someone who isn't successful at something isn't a loser

[wimeatsworld]

I have this problem at 40. Spent a good chunk of time abroad and most relationships died in the meantime, songs even literally. I never had many friends as I've always been picky. But now that I don't have a job and barely any money either while I feel fried for lack of result with the job hunt.
Definitely feeling like a loser now. It would be awesome to deal with all these invasive thoughts so I could at last focus better.

[zekiel]

in order to achieve something worthwhile and long term it requires repeatedly trying and failing at something. So in essence, a “loser” is actually a winner

[liltunturi]

Hopefully I will be able to let go of all that shame. Started off by anxiety, that I didnt get any help about how to deal with it as a kid, so my avoidant isolating behavior was born. When I realized that the people who are closest to me are verbally expressing how disappointed they are for me skipping school and never tried to understand or encourage me (without scolding me first), it destroyed my self-confidence, self-trust and then self-belief. Constant feeling guilty and ashamed from not being good son or brother or even friend.. guess what, that makes those avoidant behaviors so much worse, because it was always an emotional issue / deficiency and over the past 10 years it has been growing in intensity with the judgements of people and now noone even has to say anything bad, but I still feel like a fuckup in the first little slip up I might make. I cant calm down, I just really hope I can work with what I think about myself and stop being so mercilessly self-critical, which is very likely due past experiences and the way I dealt with them. I am so done with feeling stuck and feeling like hiding away, it is bizzare, but I am sure I am not the only one. Peace :)

[weird-guy]

Losers exists, the problem is that word doesn’t mean the same to everyone, scammers for me are loser, people that bring down other people or mooch of them are also loser ect.

[MetalDeathMusic]

My parents didn't have friends, they fought viciously. I grew up in a very divisive abusive house. Was taught basically nothing. I always thought I was a loser cuz I never had friends, no good girls ever wanted me. Well, I keep learning more and more. I was never shown or taught how to do anything successfully. I was taught to fail.

[danpow]

No losers, only scrubs.

But on a serious note, I fully agree. A lot of who we become as adults is just a product of environment and influences throughout childhood. The choices we make give meaning to our experiences and shape our personalities, BUT not everyone has the same resources for a healthy perspective. We all have potential but have to realize it to actualize it.

[ak]

I'm way past 25, but I get some of the karma bit. My parents completely refused that I ever functioned within circumstances, or that other people's actions affected me. Nobody else ever had agency, autonomy, responsibility, obligation, etc. Everything was me, me, and only me.
Somehow, I knew that wasn't reality and was smart enough to smile, nod, and not accept a word of it.

My father wasn't very social. He had a number of issues. I suspect he held my mother back a bit.

My advice is to take most of what your parents taught you and chuck it!

[anonymouse]

I don’t think having friends& relationships should be viewed thru the lens of being a “winner” or “loser”: that’s why so many interpersonal connections nowadays are shallow& not sustainable. It’s important during these hard times to find people that you can build healthy and uplifting bonds with. People with whom it’s easier to be there for each other. This may mean making friends with ppl who you may not have considered before (they should not be toxic ofc), and allowing the distance or ending of your old friendships to be if your efforts are not reciprocated (or vice versa).
I get we’re all struggling and busy, but that’s no excuse for us not to try making healthy interpersonal connections bc humans at the end of the day need each other. Believe me, I can be very introverted, like not even leave the house for long periods of time since I was a kid, struggled with bullying and anxiety& parents who didn’t understand American culture…I still learned how to form healthy friendships. There were mishaps& heartbreaks along the way ofc, but I used those opportunities to learn some important lessons rather than allow it to make me bitter. Friends are not there to make you winners or even make you feel good, to simply have fun & party with on occasion or further your career; it’s a way to feel connected to this world, to feel like a part of something bigger than yourself, to learn how to community-build and give& care to ppl outside your family unit. We’ve forgotten that as a society, and that’s the real issue. I’m just so f*cking tired of the excuses; reach out to your friends or go make some today.

[nagash]

Me with absolutely no social life realizing that my parents don't have any friends except each other.