Never Dating Another Hearing Person Again | Rikki Poynter

Never Dating Another Hearing Person Again | Rikki Poynter

Relationships are complicated, but deaf and hearing couples / deaf and hearing relationships are even more complicated! In this video, I give a little background on my previous relationship with a hearing man and how that worked out with him and his family in terms of accommodating me with written communication and ASL as a deaf person.

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ABOUT:
Rikki Poynter is a 27-year- old deaf vlogger on YouTube. She makes content about deaf awareness, accessibility/closed captioning awareness, mental health, feminism, and more. Since making her first deaf related video on October 1st, 2014, Rikki has been on the Huffington Post, Mic News, Upworthy, ABC News, BBC Newsbeat, BBC Ouch, BBC See Hear, and other news outlets in various countries. Also, she has been working on her new closed captioning campaign, Lights, Camera, Caption!, to try to get more YouTubers to closed caption their videos. After hopefully one day taking over YouTube, she wants to work on the rest of the Internet.

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Claremont, NC
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[stephaniepatterson]

My ex-husband is Deaf and I am hearing. When we first started dating, I learned Signed Exact English (SEE) because that's what he and his hearing parents used at the time. I learned from him and library books. I read about Deaf Culture. I then decided to take an ASL certification program at the local community college (this included an American Deaf Culture class). My ex decided to go back to college, the same one that I was attending. By being around other signing Deaf people and ASL hearing students, his signing shifted to more ASL. He became more positive about his deafness. We attended many Deaf events together, partially because I needed hours for class, though I made many Deaf friends. My career path changed and I decided to study to become an interpreter. I am 2 semesters away from finishing the Interpreter Training Program now.


I used to always interpret for my ex when we were around hearing people, such as his non-signing family and mine, as well as in public places. He and I had a wonderful relationship. The reason for our divorce had nothing to do with his deafness or communication, but because he fell in love with another woman. Hearing-deaf relationships can thrive, but only if the hearing person realizes that he/she/they must be their deaf significant other's advocate for life and empower them at every opportunity.

[callmeames]

something that always bewilders me is when people are unwilling to TEXT. like, you spend your whole life texting but cant do it when someone asks you to?? like, okay..

also when you started going into how its going now with your current relationship i got the warm fuzzies inside. lol

[vbrooke]

Where I am from, there weren’t many deaf candidates for me to date so I just stuck to hearings and it would always end up in heartbreaks. Until I met Abe, who is deaf and I am in love! Never again dating a hearing 🙃

[OuchMouse]

Yes!! Even with friendships. My hearing loss really showed me who my friends are. I don't even want to think about dating haha

[aarushicrystalis]

this story sounds really similar to things I've heard my parents say about being recent immigrants in an area, the language barrier, the disrespect, the dinner table syndrome, as well as how amazing it is when someone finally tries to communicate with you. Language barriers can be so isolating

[MoneyMetalsMore]

I am hearing dated a hearing girl for many years her older brother is deaf I learned basic asl to communicate if I saw him. I ended up learning so much more than the basic language I learned about the culture the community and just wow!! I loved it, I still use sign language sometimes I’m not in communication with her or the family but definitely taking asl was the best decision I ever made!

[RoganShannon]

My dating history is very.. ehm, bare so I haven't dated any hearing people. But! If I do, I don't want to be the one teaching them all the sign that they know, because that puts a lot of work on me, but it'd also make the relationship more like a teacher/student one which is not really what you want in a romantic relationship (unless you're into that). I'd expect them to learn at least some on their own, and not rely on me all the time.

[chrissy]

"I HATE repeating myself" Worst shit ever said by a hearing S.O.

[lyktahlyktah]

I’m deaf and when I watch your videos I often am nodding my head and smiling and agreeing with you.
I’m thinking : get im not the only one !
You’re awesome I can so relate

[Dots_thepuppy]

I have the best fiance ever and we meet because of Myspace. We started as long distance best friends. (I had a huge crush on him but didn't know how to express it) From day one even meeting his family & friends tought them and now even they know sign (tho mostly just ABCs and very slow) and know I also have cerebral palsy so get my limp.

[KKsrah]

Your videos have HELPED ME sooo much. My 3 year old is HOH and is struggling quite a bit. You give so much insight and spark ideas on how I can help her and help the people around her communicate better. I really wish you would have had someone advocating for you growing up, but look at you killin it! 💜

[rikkipoynter]

EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: "Granted, the deaf community does
have issues with CODAs and SODAs, " - This could have been worded better, so that's my bad. But what I'm getting that is that from first hand experience, what people have said from their own stories and in conversations, CODA/SODAs are still hearing and not deaf. They hold privilege of their own and can also be audist/ableist to deaf people just like non-CODA/SODA people. This is about those circumstances, not a literal every single person statement.


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[shalacarter]

I am glad that your boyfriend's family is so kind to you. I went to school with a lot of kids from other countries. It's just polite to take the time to help; them understand English. One of our friends is from Germany and she needed help with her English when she first moved here and when her family gets together, she and her sister and Mom (God rest her) would always speak in German and I had no clue what they were talking about.

[watchtowergoggs]

Dinner table syndrome! That's a great way to describe it, I experience it more at work though. I think it's because hearing people judge us on how well we speak as a "barometer" of how deaf we are. They do it without really understanding that's not how deafness works.

Wedding vows are easy. If you've both written them beforehand you can just read the vows then and then on the big day you don't need to worry about what is being said. Also make sure the person marrying you gives you a copy of their words beforehand too.

Wait? You mentioned wedding? Is there something you're not telling us Rikki? ;)

[shalacarter]

Hi, Rikki!
Oh, this takes me back to my ASL classes. We did not have cell phones then. I always sat with our teachers in the cafeteria where they were signing to each other. I had barely a clue what was going on. Occasionally, they would stop and laugh at me. They taught me a great sign that was perfect for me. "Nodding and smiling." lol! One of my Deaf friends at the time could speak and so we would get by with me signing the best I could and her speaking and signing. When I got married, I had one of my classmates interpret our wedding. Our teachers ended up not being able to attend, so I took the video over to their house.
One teacher was married to a Deaf man. They had two hearing sons and neither of them signed! Pissed me off. Another teacher, who was young, had the best license plate. It said, "Sign4Me" :)

[tijdelijkeportfolio]

I saw a video from 2016 from you.. and now im hooked!! You are a special person, not only cuz ur deaf... but i really like your personality 😁😁

[sandieM]

sounds like this relationship is way ahead of the other one in the past, if they were so intolerant that they wouldn't do anything to assist you then they weren't all that nice people really. Sounds like this family you are connected to now are good people :)Hope you continue to stay happy :)

[valorandstrength]

That's so awesome you found a guy who respects you! Good on you, girl!

[mumr]

Thank you for sharing. One point two people hearing relationships have the same problems...only louder!

[JuMixBoox]

I love how positive your experience was recently. Also, I would like to mention that you said your boyfriend's name in this, in case you were purposefully keeping it off the internet before.