The Inner Conflict of Having Divorced Parents

May 20, 2022 (#2)

[CoachDavidAdes]

"what's really been hard is seeing my parents dislike each other for personality traits that I see reflected in myself" hot DAmn girl

[themiserychick]

From the parents' perspective, they are a married couple who have broken up, but from the child's perspective they are a family that fell apart and that's a huge thing to keep in mind. It's totally reasonable for the child to feel as if they're going to be abandoned by their parent just because one parent abandoned the other. And yeah, we deal with struggles of divorcing parents even as adults. Personally my parents got divorced when i was 15 so I was already "mature" enough, some could say. But no doubt it affects you no matter what age you are.

[lukedrake]

My parents divorced when I was young, it was really tough. School was tough, I had a very hard time making friends, went through many years of counseling. Focus on each parent individually and know it's nothing to do with you. Wish all the best for you. Take care!

[maymarch]

you should consider writing a book i really can see you will be phenomenal at that

[SmLfe]

I can speak as a father. I’m divorced and I have a 15 year old daughter. It’s completely understandable what you are feeling, but your parents will always only love you, and the love they feel towards you is so great there isn’t room for any judgement. They love you just the way you are. I know it’s cliche but only until you become a parent do you then fully understand the amount of love a parent has for their child. I’m going to reassure my daughter after watching this that my love for her is never ending. Thank you for explaining your feelings so well

[Nozomiko]

A lot of this really resonates, because while my parents, are not divorced, they may as well be. And it would probably be better for them. But since they are living together, they are constantly at each other's throats over the most petty reasons. Or at least it seems like it when you've got a third person's perspective on the situation.

The parents complaining to you about the other is something that's very familiar too. It's tough because you almost start to become resentful of the parent of the complaining parents ire, and then the complaining parent becomes the target of resentfulness because they are using you as their therapist instead of actually getting a therapist and actually take their problems out with them.

I understand, and feel for your situation.

[LastUnicorn]

Hope you’re doing well, hon. This is such an important topic and your content is valuable to the world. Hope you post the update soon, and that you’re okay. ❤

[ChrisTombstone]

I don't know why but a video was recommended to me of her about not having any friends and such and seeing her cry really broke my heart because I've spent the majority of my 41 years on this Earth friendless. And I've been a loner. Many years not by choice but now that I've gotten to this age I was forced to accept it. Not too many people are going to be wanting to make friends with a 41-year-old man. They never wanted too anyways. But I see that she's only uploaded what four videos. And then just disappeared. Don't know if she has another channel. But I find that kind of odd because she had a knack for just sitting there talking. And for me personally I used to do videos like this but I quit but I think it's good therapy just getting in front of a camera expressing yourself and putting it out there to the world and then having people give you feedback is amazing. Even though some people can be jerks. But man I hope this girl is all right and I would love to see more videos from her does anyone know her name does anyone know her personally do we know what happened to her? sometimes when I see something like this I fear the worst that maybe something happened. But I would love to see more videos.

[anamilyn]

You’re the realist YouTuber I’ve come across. Love you and all the subjects you talk about. It feels like you understand and that is something you rarely find. Thanks for talking to us ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[boneheaded]

You're a smart girl. I've been dealing with the "personality traits" of my parents being reflected in me for decades. My parents divorced when I was a baby. But my mom remarried 3 other times, and my dad 2 other times. Yep. I'm now 50. I act like my dad around my mom, and I'm very aware of it for some reason. Luckily they still love each other. They were high school sweethearts that married and had a kid too soon. Anyway, I guess my point is that's something you may not ever get over. LOL. Is what it is.

EDIT: Another important piece of advice from an old man, who's also an introvert, try not to be in your head too much. Easier said than done, especially for introverts. I assume you are to some extent, since you said you enjoy being alone. I still have to remind myself. Or at least if I'm going to be in my head I try and make it about something I enjoy doing. Like figuring out little "problems", or very complex ones, that may take months, or even years, until I solve it or have an epiphany. Philosophy for example. In some cases it has completely changed my whole perspective on life. Immediate gratification is way overrated.

[witchreturns]

Well, as a child, is good to take from each parent (or other people) the good parts. And in psychology, when you hate a person, all the parts that person has, no matter good or bad, valuable or shtty, you see them all as very bad. It does not mean that the person hates the same parts in other person. When you are in a state of hate towards a person, you hate all about that person. In other extreme: you love all about that person, good or bad of

[sefasalan]

I love the way you describe yourself. Really resonates as a newly divorced parent. Thanks for sharing.

[civvyw]

This is an old vid, maybe all your problems are solved now, but I was moved by it, so I wanted to share some thoughts. Maybe some of it will be useful to others in a similar situation.

I think you're miles ahead of most people (whether they have separated parents or not) by meditating on the thought, "What are the good and bad parts of me that I've received from my parents/genes/upbringing?" The answer to this question colors and shapes the central struggles of our lives, but many choose to ignore it, insofar as we're able.

If you have a perfect life where nothing ever goes wrong then great, and I'm sure a few people do. For everybody else, you either have to introspect and reorient yourself, or else be fated to unconsciously replay the same dramas over and over again, whenever misfortune strikes. You can sometimes get by like this, but you may never feel like you're a fully actualized person.

I'd strongly encourage seeking a counselor. There's no shame in it, and I doubt you need any pills, but you might need somebody to talk to about your parents.

And please, be careful spilling your heart out online. Most people aren't here to be nice. Some of the worst offenders pretend to be nice in order to lure in kind, open-hearted people.

Good luck & take care!

[BirtBiggler]

Saw your other video in my recommended first but was drawn to this one specifically. While I completely sympathized (& hope things improve) with your video about friends this one drew me in. I am also a child of divorce & now that I’m in my 20’s I’ve really been digging in to find how the ugly divorce my parents had when I was little changed my outlook on relationships. Hope all is well!

[hennahabits]

My parents split up when I was 4, I relate to you a lot. But these experiences help shape us as people and for me I have taken my parents experiences and learnt lessons to not commit the same mistakes. Overall, we walk through life trying to improve ourselves and one day my kids will pick out things they liked and disliked about me, and improve themselves off of that. Try and not take the problems they have with each other personally, I know, easier said that done. Some things we just have to deal with and keep moving. It is important in life to work on our confidence in ourselves. I find it hard to get along with my mum too, and sometimes my dad, but you know what? Every individual is unique and different. We don’t move away from our parents and our parents don’t move away from us even though they moved away from each other. Try focus on the things that hold your relationship together, and less on the things that don’t.

[Lalitajanette]

I understand what you share and i am very surprise of how depth of your awareness about your parent separation. My parent divorced too and i lived with self conflict for a long time without realized why i felt the way i felt. You are amazing.

[LeibstandarteBorisYeltsin]

unfortunately, now you ( on your personal example) see, how important is the choice of a partner in order (as possible) to minimize the following risks of divorce in the future as it primarily affects children. I am sure you will be able to overcome this difficult period. Don't give up and don't go crazy. Warm regards

[myspareaccount]

You are such a relatable person and I wish I had people like you in my life. I am be try fortunate to have my boyfriend, but I would love to have more friends because he has so many and he spends a lot of time with them. Regardless, your channel brings me joy and I hope whatever is going on in your life that you are happy and that good things come your way 🌸🎀✨

[Amyass]

My parents were divorced and I grew up without a father for the most part it is damaging.

[Nico--]

I wish that I could tell you how listening to this video has helped me. I am in a similar situation. Thank you for sharing this, it helps to hear someone talk about something like this to know that we are not alone with some of these feelings. I hope you are happy at the moment, no matter how your parents treat each other!