Understanding Empathy

Why do different personality types relate to others in different ways? And why are certain types empathetic in some ways and not in others?

In this video I explore the four different styles of relation, and present the advantages and disadvantages of each specific method.

While it is possible to go through life using only one of these relation styles, this is far from optimal - some situations require one form over another, and any personality type can with training acquire each specific form of relation.

Empathy is not a rare trait, nor is it a weakness - through the relation of self to others we not only acquire a deeper understanding of the world around us, but also find and shape our place within it.

Thanks to Kiara Kerrick for the subtitles!
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About me:
Hi, I'm Harry, and I'm intensely passionate about personality typing and self-development - so much so that I have created my own Jung-inspired system, taking a more high-resolution look at the factors making up personality.

Through Cognitive Personality Theory I examine the underlying mechanisms behind cognition, and the means through which a single type can have limitless individual variation - I believe type itself is just a set of cognitive predispositions that can according to the needs of the situation be overcome.

I don't believe any type is limited in what they can achieve, but have noticed sensationalist attitudes and internet trends propagating a culture in which type-development is actively discouraged in favour of conforming to simplistic archetypes. Through CPT I hope to dispel various myths and oversimplifications of what constitutes personality type, and along the way encourage a healthier attitude towards type that allows a person to become not who they are told they are, but rather who they want to be.
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00:00 - Introduction

00:37 - Empathy & Sympathy

01:40 - Cerebral Relation

04:20 - Sympathy

05:46 - Cerebral Relation vs Sympathy

08:43 - Introducing Empathy

08:55 - Relational Empathy

13:10 - Mirror Empathy

16:35 - Wrap Up
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KEY

Ni/Introverted Intuition - Broad & plethoric perception of internal world.
Ne/Extraverted Intuition - Broad & plethoric perception of external world.

Si/Introverted Sensing - Specific and concrete perception of internal world.
Se/Extraverted Sensing - Specific and concrete perception of external world.

Fi/Introverted Feeling - Subjective codec; internal emotional data & harmony.
Fe/Extraverted Feeling - Subjective codec; external emotional data & harmony.

Ti/Introverted Thinking - Objective codec; internal logical order.
Te/Extraverted Thinking - Objective codec; external logical order.

Lens - Perceives data.
Codec - Rationalises data.

Convergent - Positive, creative, enacting change and seeking novelty.
Divergent - Negative, authoritative, instilling consequence and driving utility.

For more clarification on terms see the CPT eBook!

#empathy #16types #empath

[ErikThor]

I read that for some people empathy is not empathy but a traumatic coping method developed by people who have grown up with narcissists. Some people can become hyper-attentive to tone and can respond with high anxiety because their friends or family members might "blow up at them" and so they become people-pleasers who try constantly to "diffuse the bomb". But there's no empathy involved in the process, just pure self-preservation.

[descartes]

Now I understand why, as an INTP, I steer away from heavy emotional scenes. I feel incredibly moved, and subsequently drained, when I watch a video of a suffering person for example more than many people around me. I can easily burst into tears when I encounter someone going through intense sad emotions even if I don't understand the context. I'm 33 and I still hide my tears when I watch cartoons for God sake.

[badpoetry]

I find that there is a fifth type of empathy which surpasses the cognitive functions, which is energetic empathy. Some people energetically soak up other people’s energy, which often contain emotional states (but can also include thoughts or spiritual states of being) and feel it within themselves. For example, I can be talking to someone who is behaving very cheerfully, but after the conversation I can feel very heavy and depressed, coming out of nowhere. Later I will realize that this person was depressed and struggling deep down. It can manifest in my feeling extremely tired after being around someone who is tired or sad, even if we have a nice “normal” seeming conversation, or very alive and inspired after being around someone who doesn’t even say much. Being energetically empathetic can be challenging to navigate, it took me decades to even understand what this was, you’re more susceptible to picking up on other people’s stuff, but there is also ability to help others (by emitting energetically as well, feelings of love, peace and stability). Anyway, just wanted to add another layer of complexity to your categories… as an INFP I was especially struck by the idea that Fi based empathy is still coming from a particular perspective that may or may not be the other’s. As we heal our shadows we realize what we are projecting on others, even out of compassion. Thank you for this video and helping us see that there are so many valid ways we can show up for them by witnessing and acknowledging them and what they are experiencing — human nature at its best ♥️

[loreta]

This was very interesting. I am an INFP and I relate to both mirror and relational empathy. I think they both are very subjective, though. But yeah, if I see someone crying I CANNOT help but cry myself too... If I see someone close to me being extremely happy I cannot help but be very happy as well. I guess it is a combo of both empathies because I always feel very deeply the emotions that I THINK the other person could be feeling in the situations. And God, when I see an emotional scene in a movie I bowl my eyes out, that's why I prefer watching emotional movies alone. I think many Fi dom users could relate. Anyways, thank you for the video! :) <3

[joshuaoneill]

I'm an INTJ who does a lot of sympathy and mirror empathy, but very little of the other two. Sometimes I watch a movie or a show with two different people, and have two completely different reactions based on what the other person is feeling. I am usually unaware of my morphed reaction until I consciously observe my own feelings that resulted from the mirror empathy, then figure out what happened.

As far as sympathy goes, I often feel strongly compelled to help people without being very invested into their current state; it is very much like you describe: a discomfort that isn't personal.

[Mrinkydink]

Heyyyy just a nice ENTP experience I want to share here! I used to be very much about using sympathy as my only way of relating to other people, which lead me to disregarding people's feelings a lot. I valued the use of Ti over the use of Fe (or in general introverted judging over extroverted judging and thinking over feeling), which caused me to ignore how people were actually feeling because "it didn't make sense to me that they felt like that in the particular situation they were in, since I would never feel like that in their situation." Then at some point, I somehow learned that the current emotional state of the person you're communicating with is actually more important than I thought it was, which caused me to get way better at relating to people through mirror empathy, which then caused me to become a way more pleasant person to talk to, hahah.

[benjaminharmon]

This is a fascinating video! I'm INTP, and this explanation and the comments have helped me understand my own relationship with other people's feelings. I'm only comfortable with cerebral relation and relational empathy, while sympathy is unpleasant and mirror empathy is something I only do rarely. It takes a lot for me to feel mirror empathy--it's pretty much limited to seeing parents in movies grieving their children or being scared for their children's lives. That's the only guaranteed thing to make me upset that I can't relate to in some way. Even then, I just tear up, nothing much. Seeing other people saying they relate the most to mirror empathy...sounds miserable to me.

[TK-kfzc]

I cometely relate to mirroring, which makes me selective about who I want to be around. It also makes me very sensitive to music, literature, drama that is designed to elicit an emotional response.

After experiencing someone's negative emotion, however, later I am all about why they got to that place, what could help them not keep reexperiencing it. I rarely share this with them. In other words I become highly analytical but not a fixer.

[KyiSoRo]

Firstly, thanks for posting this. I’m glad more people are breaking down the broad concept of empathy. With that said, I’m a bit confused about these specific descriptions and terms.

In psychology, it’s usually split into three groups: cognitive empathy, autonomic empathy, and sympathy. The way those three are defined in psychology are much broader than what’s presented here. For example, cognitive empathy is simply perspective taking. It is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and there may not be any emotion involved. If there is emotion, it’s yours and not the other person’s. I feel this is a bit different than what’s presented here because as described in the video, emotion is always involved.

Sympathy is feeling negative emotions for someone’s plight. It doesn’t require perspective taking. The main thing is the negative emotions evoked. I think of this when I encounter animal abuse. Of course, I can’t imagine myself as a non-human in any meaningful way, but seeing animals hurting will bring about those negative emotions.

As for autonomic empathy, I think that’s closest to the mirror empathy you’re referring to. What’s interesting is autonomic empathy may not always include a true feeling of the other person’s emotions. Outwardly, the autonomic system will mimic the other person, but internally, they may or may not feel anything.

The psychology literature I’ve come across over the years indicated people may employ one, two, all three, or in extremely rare cases, none. The mirror empathy sounds like a combination of autonomic empathy and sympathy, the sympathy described sounds like cognitive empathy, and relational empathy sounds like cognitive empathy combined sympathy. I’m not sure where cerebral relation fits at first glance. Can you please explain how the breakdown and terms you use differ from the ones used in psychology?

[lostagainjessica]

Thank you, this is very helpful! I’m infp and highly value both forms of empathy. But socializing is so tiring because, even though I love people and spending time with them, I’m always working. If I don’t feel that the time I spent with them was productive in connecting and helping them emotionally, I feel like I wasted time and energy. I think it would be good to learn to detach a bit.

[andyroobrick-a-brack]

It's certainly interesting in my case, because while I can relationally emoathize, and can almost unconciously do it as an 18 year old, it basically came from observing and reacting to emotions in a mirroring way. I really only became so Fi-heavy from observing my parents and mimicking their relational side to a very impulsive degree. I remember looking at Fe descriptions when I identified as INFP, but looking at xNTPs and xNFJs and how they mirror and remembering how they sounded like me and my empathizing style. Hearong ypu go in depth really helps categprize the two, and it kinda explains what I've gone through as a seemingly F(x) activated thinking type.

[taydupreez]

I think I use predominantly mirror empathy which is very 'in the moment' and dependent on the strong emotions of those I'm with but then when I'm outside of the emotional substrate and alone I'm more cerebral about it and able to rationalize it in order to find solutions to attempt to help the person avoid whatever it was that caused the problem in the first place.

[Dani-joyr]

As ENFJ and ‘empath’ I would say: excellent dig deep into empathy.... It’s so important especially in the this time...I would also like to add that empathy as such has so much more layers so much more side to it... books can be written about it💎👌🙏😁

[heartpoint]

This was a really clear and concise breakdown. I am in total agreement that a balanced mixture of the intellectual and the mirroring is the best way. As a therapist, I think I would not be effective if I projected my own feelings onto my client and got more worked up about their problems than they themselves were. Nor would I be effective if I stayed purely intellectual.
I am always learning and growing in how to better weave and balance the types. However, I notice the way I actually experience empathy is not included
in this video, or else it is but maybe certain words or phrases threw me off.

Recently I discovered- through researching neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory (as well as getting more information about my time in Utero, my Birth and first year of life) that I am very affected and programmed by preverbal trauma.
One big distinction in my experience of empathy is that your language suggested that the other types of empathy involved conscious choice. Words like we “take on”, or “feel obligated” to experience another’s emotions.
I personally have little conscious control to either feel, or not to feel empathy, unless I am alone, and when alone, like you, it is a purely intellectual activity.

The way I feel empathy has no verbal component, so I could not label what “emotion” another person is feeling or what I am feeling.
Since it is non-verbal, no words truly convey it, but the closest I could come is saying “I feel the color they feel, I feel the movement within them as if it is in me, I feel myself contract if they contract and expand if they expand”.
Sometimes people hear this as a really silly new age thing. Some people think I have a psychic ability.
Nope. I’m describing a baby. A baby has not developed the ability to “choose” to go into a state of empathy. A baby doesn’t have words for emotions and cannot separate external and internal stimuli, and can’t separate stimuli or senses into categories. I think this kind of empathy has to do with the earliest stages of brain development. And like the others, it is not any better or worse and has strengths and weaknesses.

[melbeth]

I related to cerebral relation the least and definitely use relational and mirror the most.

[kizaru]

Hello Harry! I discovered your channel recently on the recommendation of Javi, from the "Personal Analysis" channel, and I did a marathon of your videos. You know I'm not very good at talking about things about myself, but for example, when someone's eyes look like they've cut onions, I feel like they're burning too, or in movies like Don't Breathe, I find myself holding my breath to the point where which is difficult for me to see. What kind of empathy would that be? Needless to say, your content is excellent!

[ДамирФайзуллин-цф]

Hello! I think I'm trying to use the cerebral relation but sometimes I use other types uncontiously. When I feel mirror empathy it's the most difficult situation because I can't understand why a person feels like that and why I feel the same way. I feel confused and I can't communicate in an optimal way. Now I'll try to be more conscious and keep my emotional reactions under control. Thank you, Harry.

[IsaiahINRI]

I'm very much a mirror empath. While I do very much possess reflectional empathy, it is no where near as strong as my mirror empathy, I've always struggled with being consumed by other people's emotions, especially their negative emotions.

[arlenehutchinson]

I've needed this for the past 2 years (longer if we're being honest) and I've just found it now 👁🤚🏾⛔ THANK YOU You may have just saved a life 🙌🏾Relational Empathy can ruin your LIFE 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[muyangwang]

thanks for making a video about empathy. if I apply what you said on myself, well, I use more cerebral relation than the rest, although with my closest friends and families id feel mirror empathy but only occasionally. I usually take a piece of emotion, analyzing it, label it, react accordingly (possibly by mirroring + slightly exaggerating the other party's behavior) and if needed id use the result to stabilize a situation, build an initial relation. some call this tactical empathy. I'm surprisingly calm in intense situation, I had never had an argument with anyone so far, no wonder I work in the field of persuasion.most people find me friendly, good at motivating, talking to me is relaxing even therapeutic. however, im pretty detached, it's lonely having little empathy. I have very few friends, every period of my life I have a best one, then I tend to move on from them, afterwords I mostly feel indifferent. I'm an ENTP, this is probably just my particular case. I seldom leave comments after watching video on YouTube, but I think yours are well-made and informative. more importantly I think you wouldn't simply label me as a sociopath (I don't feel particularly bad about that term just it's still inconclusive).