Things Jesus Never Said

In response to the recent anti-gay religious freedom laws in Indiana and Arkansas people have taken to social media with #ThingsJesusNeverSaid to make fun of the hypocrisy of conservative Christian ideology. John Iadarola, Steve Oh and Ben Mankiewicz of The Young Turks take a look at some of the most hilarious ones. What is your best 'thing Jesus never said' that you can think of? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.

"Following an outcry against recent anti-gay discrimination laws in both Indiana and Arkansas internet peoples took to social media juggernaut Twitter to tweet hilarious and irreverent things that Jesus Christ never said. Tweets usually revolved around the treatment of homosexuals, the expectations of Christians, and the way that the conservatives generally act on a day to day basis. The blasphemous tweets have obviously annoyed Christians but no one cares because there's nothing in their religion that says they're allowed to kill someone that makes fun of them or says their god's name with a shitty attitude.

The hashtag used was #ThingsJesusNeverSaid ."

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Iran Celebrates Deal, Karl Rove Dick To Veteran, Pence Signs Changes To Anti-Gay Law, #ThingsJesusNeverSaid - The Young Turks Hour 1, 04/3/2015

[justinlafser]

"Touch all the little boys and girls that you'd like to as one of my priests."- Jesus

[KathyWardDollmaker]

When I told members of a church that I "belonged" to that I didn't understand the Bible, I was told that I wasn't one of the "chosen, " and that I may be possessed. I've read the bible cover to cover, numerous times. Now, I just live my life without all that, and I'm so much happier, and not constantly worried about Hell. Heaven is a nice concept, but most Christians act like it's the lunch table for the popular kids at school, and Hell is for poor people.
I'm also Inupiaq Eskimo, and I did not like the way the church tore down our culture, beliefs, dances, language, and told us that our ancestors were all in Hell.

[TBTabby]

"And when you pray, do so in public at massive gatherings, and make sure everybody can see you pray and remark at how pious you are, for that is totally not hypocritical, and you shall be rewarded."

[RuleofFive]

The road to atheism starts with a complete reading of the Holy Bible.

[tangerinefarmer]

"I am OK with you divorcing your wife, but homosexuality is unacceptable." 

#TheOppositeOfWhatJesusSaid

[lgically]

This twitter campaign has got to be one of the better ways I've seen using modern social media to start recognizing the large inconsistencies in the way that self-professed christians believe, and the way they insist on applying it to everyone *else's* life.

[Steve]

It's interesting that Jesus was a Jewish teacher, but instead of following what he said, they made a new religion with him as the focus, removing all the inconvenient laws and practices of Judaism. So in many ways, Christianity is just Judaism for the lazy. They obviously added all the miracles and metaphysical nonsense later, to bolster the myth (which shares many common factors with earlier myths).

[rileyb]

Calling yourself a Christian just because you go to church occasionally is like calling yourself a car because you go into your garage every once in a while.

[georgemitchellmusic]

There's a massive branch of Christianity that doesn't believe in God and sees the bible as a guide to building community and helping each other. I was raised Church of England both Vickers I had growing up were atheist

[bohemianwriter]

"The Bible is the sources of all morals, except when those morals inconvenience us." - All Christians

[Dashin]

As an Atheist in a Christian family. It is awkward on Sunday, but I get a lot of food at home and I'm cool with that

[Roonskii]

The best example of this was done by Senator Al Franken in his short cartoon, 'Supply Side Jesus'. Excellent work.

[moonlily]

"A zygote with no organs, no brain, no face, no limbs, no gender, no human features, is LITERALLY a person just like you and me. Every egg that ever gets fertilized must be carried to term, or else I'm gonna be really pissed off. In fact, don't even TRY to prevent pregnancy at all. I like my bitches knocked up." #thingsjesusneversaid

[KainsLegacy]

My favorite Jesus quote... "If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people" - Jesus

[irishdc]

''How the fuck did I find guys called Peter, John, James, Matthew, Phillip, Thomas and Simon in the Middle East?''

#ThingsJesusNeverSaid

[nontheistdavid]

The whole premise is flawed because nobody knows what a historical jesus said if he even existed. One thing that is crystal clear and provable is the fact that the anonymous writers of the gospels put words into the jesus characters mouth

[imingzee]

I like how easy it is to make fun of Christians, for some strange reason it's not so easy to laugh at Muslims.... and nobody seems to want to do it as much either... fear can be

[TheLookingOne]

The less religionists know what is in their holy writings,
The more they can believe what they want to believe.

And they know THAT.

[_blacksunflowers_]

"I only have 12 followers and 11 of them are verified" *I only crack myself up*

[SnugglesPrime]

The thing about the Bible is that it's good to follow for morals. I mean, the Ten Commandments are still pretty relevant today. But when you take it and apply it literally to your life, that is when the Bible turns into a savage tool.