You always break your own heart: the death of a dream

Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences a person can pass through -- but why might this be the case? After all, anything that actually transpired in the relationship is secure in the past and can't ever be taken from you. What makes a breakup painful is the death of a dream: the loss of a preferred future. This is why you always break your own heart, and why you must always put it back together again.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #love #heartbroken

[psychacks]

Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences a person can pass through -- but why might this be the case? After all, anything that actually transpired in the relationship is secure in the past and can't ever be taken from you. What makes a breakup painful is the death of a dream: the loss of a preferred future. This is why you always break your own heart, and why you must always put it back together again.

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:


Social Media




Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #love #heartbroken

[TheBeautifulIdeal]

When a relationship ends, don't think of it as being 'over', think of it as being 'complete - completed.' It's run its course.

[SvenDettman]

That goes well beyond relationships. If you lose your job, a family member or suffer a serious accident you have to let go of a version of you that is no more.

[mxrandolph]

One actually grieves the loss of time. Time is the most valuable commodity.

[Solkard]

“She didn’t break my heart. I broke my heart against her.”

[IfSemper]

This belongs in your video Hall of Fame. This can help so many people. Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

[eveconstance]

Kyle Cease says “No one can break your heart. They break your expectations.”

[jonathancarey]

Orion makes it clear that he's never been married.
I didn't lose a "dream" or a "potential outcome."
I lost my house, half my time with my kid, my lifestyle, my in-law family, etc.
You know, "real" stuff.

[Yzerdenu]

Worse thing u can do is live in imagination. As a man it takes real discipline to not imagine the future with someone u truly into. Seems like it happens in your mind without your permission

[theechidna]

The second half reminds me of how some people leave a relationship in their head before actually leaving a relationship and how that person moved on quickly and how the person blindsided often goes through a villain arch.

[marriagecausesdivorce]

"You are never destroyed by anyone except yourself." - Friedrich Nietzsche. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. The 5 stages of grief (1. denial, 2. anger, 3. bargaining, 4. depression and then finally 5. acceptance). Time is a great healer for our emotional wounds. On a different note, the value of others book is a masterpiece.

[DrBilly]

This is especially tough when you've been with someone emotionally unavailable or otherwise distant. The human tendency is to "fill in the blanks" with what you HOPE to be true. Though the fantasy soon crumbles, the pain you feel is quite real.

[protect-free-speech]

Orion.. "You have lost nothing", my bank balance "I strongly disagree"....

[markgamache]

When some relationships end it reframes the past therefore it does take away the past.

[malekkushimuzik]

That being Make wise choices and get Disney out of your head.

All relationships are transactional. Swallow that 😊

[justBlake]

I needed to hear this 3 months ago. It's better late than never, though. Solid wisdom.

[BrianMolstad]

Dr. Taliban, valid point. However, millions have committed suicide over this illusion. In that sense, the loss is very real.

[MegaAlsf]

I think any relationship is a risk and what's at risk is your heart, dignity, and respect

[jaco-cloete]

This is so fucking accurate. I dreamt of kids, an open yard on green grass, raising my sons to be honorable, strong, and stoic men. All gone within a few hours.

[strawberryjam]

It is a loss of connection as well, we are hardwired to connect and feel and be loved. So yes a dream was lost, but so was love and connection.