Date like it's your job: how to improve your options in dating

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If you're unemployed and you want a job, then finding a job is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. The same principle holds true in dating. If you're single and you want a certain kind of relationship, then finding that relationship is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. If you want better options, you need to put in the effort.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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#dating #relationships #single

[anmbiosnik]

Thank you so much for this advice! I 100% agree. Once I took a hard look at the type of guys I wanted to attract, but I realized my resume did not match the qualifications. I started to work on improving myself, and let me tell you. IT'S HARD. It requires time, sacrifice, and a painful self-reflection.

[zpauer]

This is a good advice!
I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship as of now and I've seen a lot of TikTok videos as well pointing out the same idea that if you want to attract the right person, you have to be the right person first. That is, if you're looking for a partner that meets your standards, make sure that you also meet the standards you've set for yourself.
And patiently wait for God's timing.

[Thatsher]

Great advice! I had a “go with the flow” approach after having been married over 20 years (now divorced). I was out of the game for a while. I thought that meeting someone worth having a relationship with was going to be just as easy and as magical as when I met my former husband. Lol. I now know its so important to be strategic and intentional with dating, especially in my case because I would like to be married again and I’m in my 40s. So I really don’t have time to go with the flow anymore. The beauty of this is that I’ve been able to self improve in ways I never have before. So when the right relationship does come along, I’ll be ready.

[Angell_Lee]

Thank you so much, I would like to respectfully disagree with you: In matter of relations, the best way to attract your mate is to do things we enjoy, loving and healing ourselves and we will find someone who resonate with. It will be a joyful experience. If we start to frantically go on dates (as I use to) we attract someone with a lower vibration that is also in the same mindset, which leads to lots of chaos and drama. We have to ask ourselves, why am I looking for a relation? If it's because we feel incomplete, there is some internal work to do. We can't fix an inner problem with an outer solution. Life and love is easy, why make it complicated. Enjoy life, and I promise you, you will attract everything that's good for you. This is my humble opinion on this topic, keep shining xo

[Chimalmita]

What about the paradox of choice? I get the impression that dating apps and going on lots of dates makes it harder to decide to get to know one person more deeply. There is always this illusion that there is someone better out there

[TorontoKaraokeClub]

Yes it's a lot of work and keeping your fingers crossed, and knowing when to go full throtle without hesitation

[monikasolymos]

Dating apps are like meat market. No way. But getting in better shape worth the effort anyway, I agree.

[evelin]

Love it Doc! It's what I say to my friends!! Thank you very much! So we'll explained!!

[chinogitarista]

This is an interesting angle on the topic. I learned a lot. Thanks.

[idlehourlinda]

Good advice on how to be strategic to get what we desire. 👍

[Nadox]

I have a another thought. We go to school, study, prepare for interview in hope for getting a HIGH paying job. So there is an obvious relationship between work and reward. The question is now, what reward am I getting after I put the same effort into dating? There must be a HUGE reward (even with chances to climp the cooperate... I mean relationship ladder) after I put that much work into it? From a mans perspective a DREAM relationship would be "having a beautiful wife, have passionate sex daily, has your back and is loyal, is mentally stable, wants children and does not have child, can cook, loves you, accepts you for what you are (after basically working your ass of for years to create a new version of yourself) blabla".

I would argue that independently if a girl is hot or not you can find a kindhearted, lovely and caring women that wants to have sex daily. So if I can find women with these characteristics regardless of their beauty, what distinguishes them?

Quite simply, their beauty (body, face, breasts, ass). At the end of the day we work our asses off for a woman who is beautiful. Especially from a male perspective, it is important to note that men don't care if their partner makes a lot of money, has a career, etc.


I could argue even further and say that maybe it is just to have sex with a beautiful woman? And I think thats what men really want to have. They want to have a 10/10 (lookswise) that wants to have sex as much as he wants. There are tons of men out there that value looks (atleast at the beginning) far more than characteristics.

So we should be honest to each other. We work our asses off to have a beautiful woman. The rest is nice to have but we value beauty much more and it is also much harder to get because beauty is to some extent just genetically predetermined. By definition, we are fighting for an aspect that is scarcer than career, personality (which is malleable), attitude etc.. From an economic point of view, beauty is low in supply but high in demand. And everything that has a low supply and high demand costs more. So we weight characteristics of our potential partners differently. If you want to have a woman who is loyal, loving, etc., you certainly don't have to put more work into it than if you want to have a woman who is super pretty and loyal.

We could even argue what are the best strategies now to attract the most beautiful girls? Money, Status, Looks etc. On what should I focus?

TLDR: If you wanna fuck 10/10 girls (lookswise) you have to work your ass off, if not, chill.

[JohnDoesItAll]

Good advice! I'm divorced and happy being single (my own boss). Started my own LLC five weeks ago and doing tremendously well. I made this move to make more, work less but mostly to be my own boss. I have lady friends we agree that the current arrangement keeps life simple.

[sststr]

Every job I have ever had except one I just posted my resume on a couple of job sites, and the employers contacted me. Sure, there's some effort around doing an interview here or there and whatever follow-up stuff is needed, but the idea of sending out hundreds of resumes and interviewing scores of times, no, that's not how it has worked for me. The one job that didn't happen that way, after completing my masters degree one of my professors out of the blue asked me to join his firm. I work in IT and make a six-figure income, and not in some particularly obscure or esoteric niche of IT, just C/C++ programming, yet it's been that easy for me for 25 years to always have a good job. Never had a problem quickly getting a job offer when I needed one, and never had to put much effort into it.

Which does me no favors when it comes to dating - I have no ability to relate to what you are saying about treating dating like finding a job. I've never had to struggle to find a job, but finding relationships has been a huge challenge. Now I did have two long-term relationships (10 years and 13 years) where I didn't have to worry about the dating scene for the duration, but I feel like I kind of fell into those relationships by flukes, and the fact that neither one of them worked out in the end, and both ended fundamentally in the same way, suggests I need some real help on how to find the right relationship. Being a deeply introverted and painfully shy type, and now on the older end of things, makes me not much inclined to bother. Every once in a while there is a bout of intense and painful loneliness, but it usually passes quickly; mostly I don't feel any particular sense of urgency about the matter any more.

[chrischris]

I already have a job, so no thanks to dating

[IAmTheEggMan]

How did you learn to master the art of polarization and attraction?

[melenico]

I agree but in modern times this applies to men more. It applies to women if they want a high quality man however most sit back and let the men come to them irrespective of value.

[beet]

Doc's gonna have more patients this way if the impatient ones make rash decisions.

[cryptoforthepeople]

Did you know that in the West these are the chances of ever getting married as of 2018:

30 y/o woman: 12%
35 y/o woman: 5%
40 y/o woman: 2.6%

This mirrors the general dating market in terms of finding long term partners as well. Would be prudent to factor this into whatever dating/LTR/marriage strategy you devise. BTW dating as well as marriage rates are continuing to decrease due to recent events so the trend is worsening.

[cherylwade]

Isn't the book of Job a
Cautionary tail?

[mikebingham]

Have you taken into consideration how much dating a lot of women actually costs? Women don't have to do anything except show up. Guys
have to do all the work.