What NOT to Do During a Breakup

In a previous video Fr. Mike discussed four questions to ask yourself when discerning God’s will for your life. When presented with a new door (or big decision), ask yourself:

Is it good?
Is it open?
Is it wise?
Is it something I want?

Now when applying this discernment process to a relationship, you have to remember that the other person is likely asking him or herself the same questions. The hardest heartbreak, though, comes when the first three questions check out but the fourth question—Is this something I want?—does not.

In these situations, the one thing Fr. Mike says not to do is blame God. If you’re the one choosing to break up with your significant other, it’s easy to deflect the blame onto God and say he told you to do it. It’s more likely, however, that God gave you the freedom to choose what to do for yourself. So take responsibility.

If you are the one who was dumped, God still has a plan for you. You are more than a footnote to the life of your former boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t let anything he or she said make you feel that way. Go and find where God is leading you next.

Lastly, if you’re discerning the religious life and were turned down by an order or seminary, all these pieces of advice apply just as well.

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[rose]

My ex boyfriend really wanted to marry me, but I had to leave, because he had a bad temper, and I know God's will for me does not include narcissistic abuse, and domestic violence!

[joncerda]

LIterally what I'm going through right now. Recently came back to the Church, I'm in a sinful relationship. In order for me to be in full communion and to be worthy to receive the sacraments, I have to end this relationship. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest cross to take up but I have to, I've tried going other paths or other "churches" but it's not the same. So thank you, Father Mike, for this, seriously.

[diogodasilva]

My ex-girlfriend dumped me to join the convent. I never got over this. Thanks for your words father Mike.

[cristinastefaniax]

So, I have been an atheist since puberty and for the last two years I have cohabitated with my boyfriend, also an atheist. A few months ago we were even talking about trying to have a child together. Something weird happened though. I started to have and to ask questions. About the origin of the universe, about free will, about morality... The conversation with him on these subjects just left me more confused and full with new questions. I started reading The Gulag Archipelago and all the books of C.S. Lewis. I started believing in God again and attending mass, going back to my Orthodox Church. My boyfriend was enraged. I do understand he feels betrayed. I broke up with him last week and went to live with my grandmother for a while. It hurts soo much, it's like ripping my body in two. But it is the best thing I can do for him and for me.

[eveningzz]

Going through a really heavy breakup from a 4 and a half year relationship. He's a really good man, but I left him after I was too stressed and pressured in life and thought someone else could take care of me better. I came back to him and thought he would still want me. We tried again but only for a few days because he couldn't trust me anymore. And now he's trying things with a new person, and it is so heavy to accept. I pray I can attain peace soon. It's so hard to throw away everything we have shared. Everything reminds me of him. Please if anyone can read this, pray for me and my healing. Thank you

[JoeGarciaREDNEX]

Fr. Mike,
Thank you, from a pretty confused 17 year old kid fighting life through, your wisdom and explanations are so applicable to all situations and it truly helps me. You're doing God's work and I thank you so much.

[ethanshippy]

Wish I could have seen this 2 years ago. My ex told me that things "didn't feel right anymore" and that she felt that us dating wasn't what God wanted. She even told ME that she felt that I was "called to be a priest." Literally left me with so much pain and confusion because I wasn't feeling the same thing. Turns out she was hanging out with a different guy when I wasn't around and wanted to start dating him instead. She just told me those things instead of taking responsibility and telling me the truth. It's been very hard and Ive struggled with relationships ever since but God has gotten me through A LOT. I've become a much stronger person because of my experiences and I wouldn't change anything. I know God has a plan for me and I trust in his will. I hope you all do too!

[skippysmom]

just ended things with a wonderful guy because God was leading me in a different direction. if you see this, please say a little prayer for him. and i’m praying for you, dear stranger reading this.

[MrSereeus]

I had to break up from a 2 year relationship recently. Was very difficult, I loved the girl more than anyone BUT it would have been very unwise to marry her as we differed in many important areas of our life. Thank you Fr Mike for this video, it gives me peace and reassurance that the Lord has a plan for us (:

[melissaklein]

Thank you so much for this video! My boyfriend broke up with me a few days after I had watched this video because he is discerning his vocation. It really did feel like God just used me to help his discernment, then my job was done, and I was left behind. I came back to this video and was struck by the line about how if this is what God wants for him, then this is what God wants for me, too. I think that God put this video in my path before it happened so that even in that hurt, even if I didn't believe it in the moment, I was reminded that this is part of his plan for me, too. Thank you again for the time you take to pray about and record these videos!

[fandomsever]

I can’t imagine telling anyone “God told me to do this” or “God said this is the right thing” Holy heck I can’t speak for God like that and could be incredibly damaging for someone to hear

[brendan]

Wow. The "I don't feel peace, " thing hit hard. The woman I was seeing said this a lot. Didn't know it's a way of blaming God. Also felt as if she kept trying to give me reasons to walk away, because it was me who ended up not wanting it anymore. In reality, she never truly wanted to be with me.

I think I'm gonna cry.

[rubberduck]

Basically perfect timing. I was in a wonderful relationship. Loved everything about it. He brought me to the faith and it was my first healthy relationship. Honestly thought it was my golden ticket to what I dreamed of- marriage yadda yadda yadda. Turns out he’s going into seminary and he couldn’t be with me because he didn’t feel called anymore. It hurt. A lot. I’m still hurting 👌🏻. I didn’t know how to handle the hurt until this video popped up on my feed. I guess God was getting tired of me crying and whining all the time about it so he sent me this! Lol thanks God I hear your message LOUD AND CLEAR.

[ignoranceisabitch]

This is so true, God allows us to make our own decisions so we can't blame him for the consequences of making these decisions

[crohunter]

God is good. God is open. God is wise. Yet many don’t want Him.

[tomsaltsman]

For several years now, I have never been disappointed. I think that's because I asked God to help me set my heart on nothing other than Him.

[dobermanpac]

There is great strength in humility....own your actions...let your yes be yes, and your no's be no...

[caribaez]

Just bless the other person. Thank you for the lessons and may the Holy Spirit leads them to goodness even if he chooses not love me and be with me. We do not know what the future holds, but rather keep God in our lives and He will lead us to what He wants. Learn more about yourself and be gentle but strong! ❤️😇
Many people go through heartbreaks, but rather act mature. You never know what will happen next. Life keeps going. Thank God for the blessings and no regrets especially if the relationship went okay.

[patrickstephaneawanaonguen]

Father, you spoke to me today. I have been in a relationships for 7 years with a woman I chosed I wanted to marry. I had presented her to my entire family(parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins) and she broke with me... I have been dealing with it very wrongly but for the past 3 months I have been carrying along with Jesus and has helped me so much. This video is really going to help. Thank you very much father for all you videos. I follow your videos very much. May God keep on blessing you.

[mariamthomas]

I added in my bucket list to meet Fr.Mike one day and with God's grace, I will because through him, god turned my life around. THANK YOU JESUS FOR FR.MIKE.