What Your Ex Is Thinking After A Breakup

What Your Ex Is Thinking After A Breakup

"Is my ex thinking about me?"
"Can we still get back together?"
"I miss my ex!"

Most of the time, dumpers or dumpees alike, still wonder if they can get their ex back after an ugly breakup. And guess what? It's still possible but you have to understand what they are thinking and feeling at the moment rather than just pushing your agenda of getting back together to them.

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***** IMPORTANT *****

This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

[badly_dubbed]

Clay in regards to them searching for validation, you just described by ex girlfriend exactly recently. Life's great, new better mystery rebound. She's emotionally closed, and knowing her like I do. It's all just to paper over the cracks. We broke up a month ago and there was a few pull backs, kissing and positive interactions but never once was she clear on her feelings. But there were lots of excuses about how our relationship wouldn't work, mostly over exaggerated or complete confusing nonsense. I think it's done more harm than good us seeing each other and no contact started for me yesterday as I need to heal myself from this pain I'm in. I just told her I was letting her move on and to be happy.

[peacefaith]

singing "she use to be my girl" Ojays.... i told him deep down inside u still love me!!

[jacquelynlinn]

Clay. You have such a great disposition. I really appreciate you and your delivery methods for your messages to us. Thank you.

[ristegorgiev]

Hello Clay i would like to ask you about my ex girlfriend we chatted 2 and a half years but we don't see each other but we ended that with chatting trough social media first she friendzoned me i accepted it 2 months later i reach out to her i told her that i see at her as something more than just friend romantically attracted to her and she again insisted to be friends or nothing after i asked her about something personal she said she have sympathy i was kinda mad about it and after i blocked her everywhere that she hasn't blocked me but i find out before and now 5 or 6 times she unblocks me then block me again some kind of mind game i think idk what is it can you explain to me what that means and why she doing all of that if she said she wants to be only friends with me

[ethanbezuidenhout]

Hi Clay.
I was wondering how do I navigate the 4th thing? Because that is basically what my ex has been doing and is doing now that she's in a new relationship. It's making me really depressed and actually quite angry that's she's acting like her life is better now that we're not together anymore. I never stopped her from bettering herself, but to me it feels like that is what she's trying to prove.
And is there a time frame for the 5th thing? Like at what stage would she get curious about me if she were to wonder about me? Because I didn't intentionally do no contact, I just haven't contacted her in months because I'm not really sure if I can or should (would really appreciate it if you could tell me if I should reach out or not) contact. Would I seem desperate and needy if I reach out now that she's in a new relationship?
Great video and thanks for the advice!
Hope to hear from you soon.

[lukeburnstm]

. Me and My Ex Broke Up On February 27th

. EX Girlfriend Is A D.A.
. We Work At The Same Place
. Shes 45 / Im 33
. Im Her Longest Relationship Ever
. Personality Changed In Dec 2019 When She Had An Hystercotomy
. Done No Contact In April

She Looks Away Whenever We Walk By Each Other, I Say Hello and Is Civil.
Rarely You Get A Hello Back, Maybe Once A Week!
She Has Her Head Down Most Of The Time.People At Work Have Noticed Since She Broke Up With Me, She Looks Sad(No Smile) 99% Of The Time.
Is There Any Hope??

[tomh]

Been almost 3 months and she hasn't reached out..what would that mean?

[euhjekf]

Can you do a video about what your ex is thinking after a break up years later?

[zhhhhioi]

Should i use No Contact if i used No contact on a break, then we broke up?

[MuadDib_]

16 months no contact, still love and hate her

[davidnyro]

Clay has great guidance and it's spot on - the sense of relief felt by "the dumpers, " the law of consistency, justifying, defending, doubling-down, etc.
But recent scientific studies in Sweden, Germany, and the U.S. have found some sobering statistics, aka, FACTS: In aggregate, of the more than 250, 000 couples studied that broke up, only about 18% got back together. And out of those 18%, only 5% of them were still together five years later.
Now, if one wants to get on a plane that only has a 5% chance of arriving safely at the final destination, go for it! (And for those who might say "Well, at least if your relationship crashes you won't die!" Yeah, but it's not exactly good times. And sometimes, people DO actually die!)
Okay, full-disclosure. I made all that up about the studies! But did you doubt it when you read it? Was it shocking, suprising, beyond belief?
I'll wager it wasn't.
I SO wish we had more studies like that! Or ANY studies like that! We desperately need more of that kind of empirical, irrefutable PROOF of these things!
In my long slog through the relationship wilderness - about 40 years worth - I can count on one hand the # of couples who, first, even reunited after a break-up; and two, stayed together. I'm basing this on not only my own relationships, but the hundreds and hundreds of couples I've know over the decades.
In some ways, I feel I've done these studies! Ha Ha.
Maybe I've lost all my cred by making that stuff up about the studies. (And Clay will probably shame me. I'll own it.)
Point is: you're devastated, crushed, heartbroken, lost, greiving. I've been there. Several times. It took me more than TWO YEARS to recover from my last (and final) relationship! And she left me because I wouldn't give up my music career. Nothing else. (I know. It seems very odd. "There must be other reasons, " you're thinking. Me too. But if there was, she never said.) There was no lying, no cheating, no abuse, no gaslighting, no undermining. The opposite. I supported her and believed in her. I loved her with all my heart, ferchrissakes! (My brother says I'm too nice and most women don't like "nice guys." Who knows? At this point, I don't care anymore about all the bullshit politics of these byzantine, wounded affairs, ya know?)
My point here is that I KNOW how badly we all want to get back with our long, lost love of our lives! I do. It's all that matters it seems. If we can just "get them back!" All our troubles will be over...
Yeah. Right.
But, like the ex-con, the recovering drug addict, the battle-devastated veteran returning from the front lines (see "All Quiet on the Western Front! I feel like THAT guy at the end of the book/movie!), I'm here to try and "scare you all straight!"
DON'T!
(I know Clay will probably disagree here, and more power to him, and to you if you want to try, but...And he might delete my comments because after all, I'm threatening his livelihood. I'm hoping he'll allow my divergent viewpoint. I think we all know that what I write here will likely not dissuade many from trying to get back with their exes)
The overall strategy and tactics Clay gets into make sense, and are psychologically, emotionally, and practically valid. He does know how most folks think. I haven't taken any of his courses, and I will always defer to his much deeper expertise, but I'm here to provide another perspective - which I'll bet science would back up if these kinds of studies WERE done -
DON'T.
A few key points:
If your partner (and you) were, in the first place, secure, healthy, empathetic, loyal, honorable, accepting, non-blaming, non-shaming, non-controlling, unconditionally-loving - in other words, have those advanced relationship skills Clay talks about and teaches - the odds are very much in favor of you not breaking up to begin with!!!
There would be REAL, authentic conversations and real committment. There would be no, or minimal, projecting, no power struggles, no blaming, judging, measuring, gaslighting, etc.
Work on YOUR stuff! Personal accountability. Heal. Cultivate awareness of your hot buttons, your baggage, your projections, your issues. "Know thyself." Who you are, and want to be. Your values. Your goals, hopes and dreams. Learn the art of letting go. Beware the devil known as control. It's a killer. Stop trying to control others. Learn to recognize red flags in prospective partners. Be an anthropologist/sociologist when it comes to their family. You can learn volumes from them and their relationships, how they all interact.
There's a lot more. Obviously. How many books are there on this? Tens of thousands?
And thousands of people online with advice. Easy for me, and others, to say it, preach it, counsel it. But I know how hard it is to do all of this. Very, very, very hard.
But if you're an empathetic, FORGIVING, accepting, kind, non-controlling, SECURE, loving person of integrity, LOYALTY and honor and you find someone who's pretty much the same, you've at least got a fighting chance... (But be on the alert for people who are very adept at mimicking these virtues, these qualities, yet it's all surface spit and polish. A coping, survival facade. I speak from personal experience here...)
Seriously, don't try and resurrect a dead love.
You're just asking for pain on top of pain. (Unless your goal is to win them back so you can then "payback" dump them; then you probably deserve each other. Again, I've seen it. Seen a lot. Learned a lot. Done.)
They broke up with you for a reason, or reasons!!! And often, it has little to nothing to do with you! (Unless you lied/cheated/abused/neglected, etc.) So your "promises to change, turn over a new leaf, try harder, " etc., will NOT make any difference. It's THEIR crap! And it's not YOUR job to figure out what THEIR crap is and fix/heal! Repeat after me: "Not my job!" Not on you to know this, read minds, do this as "proof" of your love and caring! NO!
Figure out your own stuff - that's all you're responsible for - and do better choosing next time!
Thanks Clay.