What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? RSD & Autism #asd

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And, then, people tell you to "stop being so sensitive!" Or, they call you immature. That leads to even more problems.

desertdarlene
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I have always had a serious struggle with RSD. It can truly make life feel lonely, isoating and soul crushingly painful.

I understand that feeling so if anyone else ever feels that alone or unloved, reach out. I will love and accept you.

CherrysJubileeJoyfully
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Learning about RSD has helped me understand why I feel so intensely about some things. I’m now able to step back and know that my feelings are merely a painful overreaction, and that everything is going to be ok. The pain is still there, but now I can have some perspective about it.

-altmoon-
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It makes putting in job applications absolutely masochistic...

I graduated, and I have to put in applications, but...

Every job I DON'T see a response to means "you're not good enough" "you've screwed up".

I feel shameful and depressed each time I get that "someone else was selected for this position"

Butrdtostngravy
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I have this really bad! I can even be triggered by someone else being rejected because I empathize too strongly. Even if it's just fictional...

ShayTheBean
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Aka being told by the world you are worthless your whole life, so you tie your value and worth as a person to being able to “correctly” do things. Every encounter needs to be perfect, every text every discussion about something personal etc, every thing you do must go to plan, and anything that impedes your actions or calls into question your competency is attacking your value as a human being.

Expectations are your enemy, if you experience RSD you know how “random” it can feel since sometimes you can be doing the same thing and it doesn’t trip you up (and other people might flinch, expecting you to blow up, and you’re just chill unless that itself sets off the rsd…fun stuff), and I want to just ask you to try to notice if the difference is between A. When you are focused on what you are doing and B. When you are focused on the outcome. Because I’ve found overwhelmingly my rsd sets off in the latter and not the former.

When I’m expecting a certain response, or expect the other person to commiserate and empathize correctly, when I stop thinking about playing the game and start thinking “I’m so close to winning”, when I’m being productive and stop focusing on my present actions and start thinking about what the end result should be. More and more I realize these are the shifts where suddenly a negative reaction to my actions will make me blow up, when my dog barking will spike my adrenaline and shock my brain, when something going wrong in any way makes me want to cry and scream and hurt myself. I *expected* to finish my sentence, I *expected* to make my coffee a certain way, I *expected* to finish this chapter, I *expected* you to understand me and you didn’t, I *expected* to finish this thought but you distracted me and I have adhd so now I can’t remember and *I expected to remember* . I did *not expect* to trip, or for my dog to bark, or for my cup to slip out of my hands, or for someone to say something I found dismissive or rude when I was hoping for empathy. And I certainly didn’t expect to instantly react via RSD before I could think, shouting or throwing something or hurting myself before a conscious thought. It’s when I’m focusing on the expectation that I can’t control instead of my actions that I *can* control.

It’s not when I’m focused on doing something, like people seem to think is when I’ll get triggered, it’s when I’m focused on doing something *and* I’m stuck in my head thinking about how I need to have everything turn out ‘correct’ or else, when I tie my comfort and safety to something out of my control, everything impeding that feels like a direct attack on my safety. Your rejection becomes an attack. The mere suggestion that I might be annoyed when I gave you no permission to visit my intentions is an attack. Changing my plans is an attack. That’s how it feels, and I think I’m beginning to understand why, for me at any rate.

Xanderj
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I am Autistic. I experience, and have experienced all of this (being told that I am too sensitive, that I take things to personally, etc.)
The thing is is that both me and my boyfriend got diagnosed this year at ages 47 and 49. We have been together over 13 years.
So, obviously we were both undiagnosed our whole lives, and for the duration of our relationship.
He has immense guilt for saying those things to me (when he didn't understand me), and I have immense guilt as well, for saying those things to him.
It sucks to know that we did this to each other, not understanding that the whole time we were both Autistic.
I am grateful to have him be able to understand me better, and me him.

srldwg
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There is a channel that I found which pretty much documents autistic freak outs (what they think is just disagreeable behavior) in d&d as PR problem within the community which needs to be solved by calling out said behavior, and he gets quite a bit of views retelling these stories with names changed. When I point out that these incidents might be the result of neurodivergent people having a bad experience and that many autistic people are drawn to hobbies like d&d, I get called a bigot for demeaning autistic people, that they know plenty of autistic people who don’t act that way.

caiuscosades
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This is very real and traumatic. Only people with Neurodiversity can understand. One of the biggest hidden traits.

iveneverseenahealthyvegan.
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I literally will get a text from a particular person I know and no matter what it says I assume they are irritated, texted begrudgingly, and are disappointed in me. I got it so often from this person growing up that he texted me the other day of how proud he was but the way he said it(how I perceived he would say it since it was in text) and in context made me so suspicious and immediately on alert for what he is fishing for.

saorise
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Basically CPTSD. Every person with ASD has CPTSD. Be told you are doing the wrong thing or having to mask every minute of every day and that's what you get. Call it CPTSD or RSD or whatever but it's the same thing.

Diamondphobe
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Absolutely! Sounds weird maybe, but, I’ve gotten RSD from certain people. My family, bosses. When they want to tear down my responses, or the way I say things. It gets ridiculed so much that I avoid communicating. They are Neurotypical obviously. My sisters gaslight me, it’s really annoying, I don’t even try to communicate w my sisters. They are bitter. And they don’t even begin to understand.

Dystraxia
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Recently acquired this. It's. So. Fun.

esm
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I used mindfulness meditation for a while, it helped. The book "30 Days to Overcome Rejection" by Harper Daniels as a big help.

rijd
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Me to a T. I have reached the age of philosophy. I philosophise now.

I reread what i initially think as rejection. It's not me it is them. Re-see these feelings as a Good 'Nothing'.

A period of Good Nothing is a period of PEACE. Life really perks up afterwards. Xxx

gsismaet
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Doh... I have this, I believe. Another one to add to my social difficulties.

peteracton
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I had rsd a lot when I was younger. Because of my ADHD and autism I didn't understand social norms. I was a classic ADHD friendly chatty person. Because of my autism I would not understand . People don't like people talking to people they hardly know. And won't talk to people if they don't want to talk to them. I took it personally if people made made faces when I was talking to them. I have learned theres 2 reasons for that . Because people with ADHD and autism can come across as immature and quirky. Intelligent people can be snobby and judgemental because they think from a superior level. They might say what are you talking about. Because what people are saying doesn't make sense to them. They might think what the person is saying is silly and immature. Intelligent people don't like silly and stupid behaviour. And intelligent people like knowing where it is at. They think logically and have less time for people because they are too concerned with what they are doing. The main reason I have stopped letting people upset me is understanding people are too busy thinking about themselves. They are too interested in what is going on in their lives. people have a lot more narcissistic traits and put themselves first. Please are more out for themselves and can take advantage of people. Because they are not thinking about other people's people's feelings. That's why understanding that if people are being rude they are not thinking about how they treat people. That's why not being too nice and doing what is best for me has helped me not let people use me anymore. Remember if people show disrespect they lack respect. Because they are too busy thinking about themselves . A lot of people don't even care if they are rude to people. what helped me the most. Is to start judging people's behaviour. Start thinking that's arrogant behaviour. That person like to use people. Then people will stop taking it personally if people are being rude to them. And it won't effect their self esteem because they are seeing other people's behaviour had nothing to do with them. A lot of people are more egotistical and are just thinking about themselves and like pretending they are better than people. And will just say and do what suits them. They like pretending they are wonderful and perfect but lack respect.

xuriiuy
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I can't tell you the number of times I've been told to stop being so sensitive, or to not take it personally. The most recent was this past Monday afternoon - 3 days ago. I can never form the words to tell them that I'm trying, but it's not working. My brain is like, "Yeah, nah, I'm not going to listen to reason, evidence, or logic. I'M GONNA FEEL AT SUPERNOVA LEVELS!
What I feel always makes me want to rip my emotions out of my body and throw them into a burning trash can so I can function like everyone else.

ohkaygoplay
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Goes along with borderline personality disorder as well.

newtuberfreedom
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Can you have RSD without having adhd or autism?

lilywebber