Why we're unhappy -- the expectation gap | Nat Ware | TEDxKlagenfurt

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Why are we getting richer but not happier? Why do lottery winners not have sustained happiness? Why are bronze medalists often happier than silver medalists? “The first step to being happy is to understand why we’re often unhappy,” says economist and entrepreneur Nat Ware. In an entertaining and enlightening talk, Nat shows that we’re bad predictors of happiness, and explains why this is. We make decisions based on actual outcomes, Nat says, but our happiness depends on relative outcomes. We’ve been seduced into a way of life that conspires against our contentment by making it near impossible for reality to live up to our expectations. It is this expectation gap – the gap between our expectations and reality – that Nat argues is a key reason we’re unhappy. Nat challenges us to not relegate happiness to the world of art and the realm of hippies, but to start taking happiness seriously. The answer is not to simply lower our expectations, but rather to change the very way in which we make decisions.

About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[janedoe]

I swear ted talks saved my life.. more than once

[lastravenmph]

This talk was given 8 years ago before the peak of social media. This man predicted the future.

[syvonnekathleeno]

He has raised my expectations in a man to an unrealistic level...

[elliotlee]

Turn your expectations into appreciation. There you go. Happiness solved.

[shnemr]

My whole life is a series of expectations that are way higher than my reality! I grew up with family members and friends telling me that I will do something great one day, that I am some how special and will lead a special life (I don't exactly know or understand what they saw in me that is special from anyone else) and now with a failed marriage, Career that is stagnant, On and off depression, and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, I am constatnly disappointed in my life. I need to get myself out of this vicious cycle and just accept what has been dealt to me and make the best out of it cause in the end I have been given things no one else has just as I have been deprived of things everybody else have. Life is too freakin short!!

[LalitaBanana]

This turned out to be a much better talk than... what I expected!

[InspiredLifeChannel]

Happiness exists inside everyone of us. The problem is we keep searching for it outside

[Mratul]

Life is an Exam where everybody has a different question paper...(it is unique)... therefore we can not pass the exam by copying others answers... we have to write our own answers which will obviously be different than others....(Don't compare yor life with others bcoz you are not meant to be like others..u r unique.)

[ilovemsmurder]

Totally true. I would have saved myself a lot of pain and heartache if I didn't have the expectations I did and didn't compare myself to other people. I wish I found this video earlier.

[alexandrkalabin]

7:43 Imagination exceeds reality
12:24 We compare our reality to the reality of others
13:57 We are unhappy when our past reality is better than our present reality

[anthonytao]

I have been very depressed and unhappy for 2 years. I don't want to take medication. I knew it is psychological. I have searched many videos and articles for a solution. This video is the best explanation for my depression and unhappiness. Now, I need to use this tool to solve my problem. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.

[tylerhorner]

This is a video that everyone should see. The message I got wasn't that you should set your expectations low in life but that you shouldn't allow your happiness to be contingent on material wealth and circumstances outside your control. If you are up for a promotion and there have 5 roughly equal candidates, you have a roughly 20 percent chance at the job and corresponding pay increase. Most people would be so blinded by their own self-interest that they would end up trying to justify why they're a more deserving candidate and then be disappointed if they don't get the promotion, which is very likely! If they instead focused on how they've been progressing in their work and focusing on how they can continue contributing more going forward, they would be more likely to get a promotion in the future and at less of a risk for disappointment because they're detached from the outcome of a decision over which they have little influence. Great work Nat!

[ArianeSartor]

I quit my job during the corona crisis and I am already making a living of my new business! 😃 I have never been happier!I have been held back by fear for YEARS whereas I see now that so much is possible! It is crazy how we stay in situations out of fear when something so much better is waiting for us on the other side! Thank you for making that video!

[worldsofwood]

A man with that face, voice, stance, intelligence, confidence and humor.. tells us about expectations.. oh lordly HAHA

[humanityandme]

this guy should stand as the model for a well structured talk. clear simple English, clear step by step argument and summaries to remind us where we are at and an approachable non esoteric demeanour. well done dude. you inspire me

[zeea]

One of the best Ted talks I have listened to. I have been making myself unhappy with really high expectations now becoming more self-aware. Comparing less and loving myself more.

[judyhattar]

this guy just answered what ive been questioning for the past 2 years

[yellowhorse]

The real issue is parents dulling children's spirits. Let their dreams live on, don't be the critical person in their lives. Let them fail on their own. Disappointment and failure is a major factor in people's lives. Is the supportive people that surround them that help them persist and move on and learn from their mistakes.

Real the book- Failing Forward by John Maxwell.

[themorningsky]

I definitely had issues with my life because of all the points he mentioned. I had to go through a traumatic life experience to start appreciating myself and remain in reality.

[niachua]

happiness is seeing this man's face and listening to his godly voice.