Feel Them Pulling Away? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!

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Ever been dating someone who suddenly goes cold when they go on a trip out of town? What happened? And how should you respond to this behavior?

Today’s video is all about what happens when we invest too soon, and how someone’s “radio silence” can trigger our insecurity. I even provide two text messages you can send: one for if they reach back out to you when they’re back in town, and one for when they don’t.

BTW, don’t miss our HUGE announcement in this one (it’s right after Audrey’s cheeky cameo). ;) You’ll be one of the first people in the world to try this thing out . . . it’s crazy!

▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼

▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 1:12 – Overinvested in Early Dating
1:12 – 1:49 – What Dating Question Would You Ask Me?
1:49 – 2:49 – “When He Travels, I Rarely Hear From Him”
2:49 – 3:33 – “What Does It Mean?”
3:33 – 6:18 – “What Should I Do About It?”
6:18 – 8:20 – Tempering Importance and Expectation
8:20 – 10:25 – What to Say When He Gets Home and Reaches Out
10:25 – 12:18 – What to Say If He Returns and Doesn’t Text You First
12:18 ­– 15:38 – What I Would Say in YOUR Situation . . .
15:38 – 19:17 – Matthew AI Demo: A Revolutionary New Tool
19:17 – 21:32 – Your Turn

[Narutendo]

“Don’t value someone based on how you feel about them, value them based on how they make you feel” is such a surprisingly powerful insight. It’s triggering some much needed rethinking for me

[fawn]

No one is ever (EVER!) too busy to text. If a guy doesn't text, it simply means he doesn't want to. Have a life and let him be.

[ErinH]

Especially as women, we tend to overthink it because we want answers. But really the only answer you need is that for whatever reason, they aren't that interested. That's your cue to move on!

[ireefree]

The harsh truth is that if this behavior is the best in the beginning, it won't get better. My husband is a bad texter. He hates smartphones. But in the beginning of our dating I went to a vacation of 3 weeks. He wrote every single day messages to me (and still is after 5 years). If you are just an opportunity, not an priority to a man, it won't change...

[conamormeri]

If him/her is not showing interest is simply because they're not interested. If they drift off... Let them. Behaviour is a Language.

[dhammaboy]

From a guys perspective - I think this is great advice. Focus on making your life the best version of your life whilst being open to meeting someone. I've been focusing all year - since a break up - on trying to make my best life.
That way whether something works out or not - its not that big a deal. Enjoying your own life also is attractive!

[LadyDixon]

I don't necessarily agree with the point of sending the second message, to be completely honest. I think that if you have a fulfilling life, you will let things be and not force the situation by reaching out. That hypothetical man seems to have other priorities, which doesn't make him a bad person, just someone who might not be able to give you what you need right now. In my opinion, the most powerful message you could send in this scenario is silence. If he is truly interested in you, he will eventually reach out, and then you could have a conversation about needs in a respectful and clear manner. If he remains absent, well, it likely means he can't be that person for you. Just my fair take on the subject.

[deliapasqualini]

If he stops calling, stops texting...you stop calling, stop texting. Be his exact mirror; reflect back his behaviour.

[biljam]

It does depend on context but still. If someone get silent with messages and start answering you with short final messages like "ok", "thanks", "sure" and similar, sorry, but that person is not into you. Just let them go! I had situation where I noticed that something is wrong only when those short messages started although there were some red flags before that. But when he started sending those short and non-interested messages that require no answer from me, I started to notice all the red flags I missed before. And I just stopped contacting him. Never heard from him again and honestly I do not regret it. I do not need someone like that in my life. I won't play games, I won't chase a man, I won't beg anyone for attention. You don't want me? Fine, leave!

[issar]

Do not text a man who hasn't communicated with you for weeks. Do not chase him!

[MelanieDMartin]

amazing video. I’m in such deep pain right now, lost in the sweet memories of our time together. Every moment we shared fills my heart, and all I long for is his return even though I’m not sure how to make that happen.

[yarian]

every video of you I watch makes me want a relationship even less, everything is just so complicated

[Polly]

I think we should start to stop make excuses and call it out for what it is: avoidant behaviour.
It won't get better even when he commits! Talking from years of dating/relationship experience. Instead of following these advices (what I did for years) I started to put boundaries. I will communicate openly, ask him for what he wants and will walk away if this is not align with me. Protect your heart ladies! A man who want to, will!

[biasedknowledge]

Matthew, this video couldn’t have come at a better time.

My friend Olivia found herself in a similar situation, where she was seeing someone for a few weeks and everything seemed to be going perfectly until he went on a trip.

Just like the woman you mentioned, she barely heard from him, and when he did respond, it was so lackluster it left her confused and overthinking.

Your advice to 'stop valuing someone based on how you feel about them and start valuing them based on how they make you feel' is something I’m going to share with her.

It’s such a simple yet profound shift in perspective, and I know it will give her the clarity she needs. This nuanced approach to early dating is exactly what she (and many of us) need to hear.

Thank you for being a constant source of wisdom!

[anneliesewright]

This is so cool. However, I would just like to say that when a parent is spending time with their child, they need to focus on them, not you. So be patient & understanding about that. Also, I had to learn the hard way that when someone has a lot going on, give them extra time to respond, or you'll add to their stress & cause them to feel overwhelmed.

[CinderXP]

Imagine both people using Matthew AI, and it’s a three week conversation of the AIs texting each other.

[SermonInsight]

Anyone that truly loves you will always bring out time for you. As long as they can make out time to eat, sleep and bath they can still bring out time for anyone they love. KNOW YOUR WORTH AND STOP BEGGING TO STAY!

[miz]

I love the teachings in this video. As a woman, i have a tendency to get ahead of myself and where the relationship actual is. I have to tell myself to "cool your jets, girl". lol I match my date's energy. I make my own plans with friends if he doesn't ask ahead of time. There have been times when he asked to get together on the day of, but I've already made plans because I was not waiting on him.

[eph]

is there anyone here, someone pulled back in the beginning but surprisingly they worked out and eventually in a happy relationship now?

[claracruz]

Don't send any message. Please wait for him to reach out. This is how you will know if he is interested on you.