6 Sneaky Tactics Narcissists Use At Christmas

It can be so awful to experience all the ways that narcissists act out when Christmas threatens to upstage them.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I take you through the 6 things that narcissists can do to significantly hurt, ice out, desert, make the mood terribly uncomfortable or completely upend Christmas for their family and loved ones.

I also take you through how to navigate this potentially disastrous situation so that no matter the narcissist does or doesn’t do, this Christmas, that you will the best most empowered Christmas for you and those you care about.

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[ashleyemeana]

My narc stayed in the bedroom all day... best gift EVER. Everyone was happy and at peace.

[LakesBC]

How bout the big fight they pick in the car on the way to the family

[charlotteherring]

My narcissistic husband (soon to be ex) did not give me gifts for Xmas, birthday, anniversary or any other special occasion but had no problem opening gifts I had given him while I watched with no gift or presents from him. Nor did he help in any way with preparations for holidays. Today, I cannot stand even the thought of him and have no desire to ever see his face or hear his voice again. Sadly, it has taken 28 years for me to realize there was never any hope for any happiness on any level with this "fake person". 4 months no contact now....thanking God for my new life! Thankfully, no children.

[enricomiceli]

what about narcissists systematically ruining every holiday trips???

[deevee]

Mine invited me to meet his mother for Xmas whom lives out of state, then ghosted me. I just can't believe it! I'm still so broken, but this is the worst thing he's EVER done to me!

[SunnyDeeTee]

My narc mother always sabatoges Christmas and birthdays by taking control and letting us know we arent doing it right. Its never to her standards of what it should be. We "arent festive enough" or we "have no Christmas spirit" etc. so she gripes and complains the whole time pretty much ruining things for everyone else.

[loupizza]

Witnessed some of this. The narc in our family would have hissy fits over nothing. Walking on land mines was left out of your message that I know for a fact all of us Nons seem to experience around the holidays. Our narc would purposely wait to dish up last to make it seem as though she was being polite but it was more about being last so she could purposely make everyone wait for queen bee to take her sweet time and be the center of attention.

[vmm]

This is SUCH an important video that you should release it every year without fail.

[lisatalbott]

This year my daughter said all she wants for Christmas is to spend time with me. She's 13 and understands some of what her father is. She knows I'm working on getting us both away from him and I hope this is the last Christmas we have to be around him.

[NellyTheBuckskin]

Ewww....I just ate a whole heap of marshmallows whilst watching this. I think the anxiety from thinking about last Xmas made me chew faster. Now I feel sick. Last Xmas I slept in a car in the paddock with my dogs. After being hit in a head by a beer bottle. Xmas has never been pleasant time for me. But this year it will be, Im out of the relationship for good and will not return.

[susannec]

If I were on a jury hearing a case where someone killed their narcissistic partner for doing all this, I would acquit him/her. You would think that you'd be able to get past this wet blanket, demonic entity hanging around, but it's impossible. the heart pounding rage, the flooding of epinephrine/ adrenaline, the headache, nausea, oh I don't even want to think about it. It takes days to recover. sometimes weeks, and in the end the children never recover.

[susannec]

If I could save one person from getting into this kind of situation or help them get out of it by saying that there's no winning, no hope. I've been married for almost four decades and it's still the same. it gets worse as they get older and more helpless and more childish. the children are all broken. my youngest is 30. "If I could save one person, then my whole wasted life would be worth it."

[pipersfancy]

Wow - yes, Christmas was always a gong show with my ex husband. It's difficult to articulate the worst experience, but I'll share the memory of Christmas when our daughter turned one year old, and my mother traveled 10 hours by car to be with us for Christmas. We had all planned on going downtown to enjoy a holiday parade of lights Christmas evening, however as dinner wrapped up and I was putting away all the left overs, my husband suddenly came down with a terrible headache and didn't want to go. He went up to the bedroom to lie down, and I followed him upstairs with a cup of tea and a cool cloth for his head. When I told him my mother and I were still going to take our daughter to the parade, adding that that way he could rest undisturbed for an hour or so, he became enraged that I would think of leaving him in that state... started yelling etc. I stood my ground and left with my mom and daughter.

When we returned (about 90 minutes later) I knew something was wrong as soon as I turned onto our street and found our house in complete darkness, with every other house lit up on the block. First thing I noticed was that all the Christmas lights on the house had been ripped down and left scattered across the driveway (this would have required getting out the extension ladder.) Upon entering the house, all the left over turkey and fixings from dinner had been thrown into the garbage, including all the boxes of baking my mom had brought with her. For the grand finale, the Christmas tree, and all gifts sitting under it that had not yet been put away, had been tossed unceremoniously into the backyard, ruining most of the heirloom ornaments of mine from childhood... his ornaments he had taken off.

So, I now understand better why this happened... although I am still at a loss as to how/if the situation might have been avoided. This is my first time sharing this memory as I've always felt it was too bizarre to be believed.

[jofish]

My ex Narc didn't participate in Christmas festivities with my family and he disavowed his own family years ago. Either we fought, or he just wouldn't come with me to my sister's, where everything was going on. It didn't ruin my time with my family. I love my family! But, what it did to, was keep me mindful of the clock, as to "when" I needed to leave, cus it was a two hour drive home. He preferred to stay home alone. I had to make excuses for his not being there. I'm so happy to be free of this insanity! :D Merry Christmas Melanie!

[marionlynch]

This video is spot on. Every Christmas started with the Christmas tree fiasco. As an introduction, my mother was a narc and I was never allowed to decorate her awful fake tree because she had to do it her way. Understandably, I couldn't wait to get married and have my own little family traditions - you know - christmas songs and mulled wine while setting up the tree. Well, starting with our first Christmas, narc husband didn't like where i wanted to put the tree... this lead to a fight which gave him an excuse to sulk and leave me to do everything alone. Every year after that, it was a fight about something....where to put the tree, asking him a million times to help bring down the tree from the attic, a tantrum about the lights being tangled; you get the idea. He would just disengage from the entire process. Maybe once in a while he would deem to be social by sitting in the same room with the kids and me and watch us do the work. I finally didn't even expect him to take part in the tree tradition. He would just get really mean-spirited and generate negative energy. I am too embarrassed to mention how long I have been married to this man bearing the brunt of his gaslighting while trying to understand why he always turns on me especially when we have been getting along. I am finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that he will never change and will continue to be selfish. I have especially been appalled when he has been BLATANTlLY selfish (of course, not when others are around) without a shred of self consciousness about his cruelty. Amazing. I remember telling my shrink that he doesn;t love me nor probably ever did - and this was before I started watching the videos. The shrink wanted to know if I really believed that. I said, "yes, i know it". She didnt think I meant it. My eyes are now opened / my heart is closing. It has to or I will not survive.

[Ceesie]

My dad and his wife never bought presents for me but i did for them and my sisters everytime they acted like it was normal so it felt normal while i watched them unrap. untill i went to chrismas with my ex. I got a present from his mother and cried my eyes out took me years to understand why i was emotional

[hollyfabiani]

Omg. This was hilarious in the beginning. It's soooo spot on. The monologue of this video could be a christmas card. The ways they ruin Christmas are on the inside. Narc-ing out at Christmas been so repetitive after so many years, it's comical at this point. And dead on.

[HotSeat]

This is the time of year my narc older sister, who I have to live with, attacks me and my children, 14 grandchildren and great-grandchild. I tried to diffuse her trying to start an argument today with some of the tips I learned. It was actually funny to watch her sputter and fly into a mini-rage. I was unemotional and walked away. She will get violent if I didn't. Made me feel empowered and back in control. She tried many times today to re-engage her superiority and attack me, but I just deflected like a non-emotional ninja until she left to do some errands. She does expect me to clean the large house and do all the cooking for her family because she "has to work". As long as she's gone, I'm ok with that. Yeah!!!

[goodgracious]

One Christmas morning, my now "narc-ex" went out the front door and slammed it hard behind him. He didn't say anything to anyone. He was supposedly angry over something simple, but I know he had it all planned. Later that day, he left me a voicemail claiming that God had told him it was over between us and that he was going to spend the night over his "sister's" house. He had done these types of things on other holidays. But I had had enough! The very next day, I went to the courthouse and filed for a divorce. The narc came back a few days later, ranting and raving, like he hadn't done anything wrong. I'm so very glad that I finally got that madness out of my life for good. Narcs have absolutely no good sense!

[metalrabbit]

Opportunities for healing from these ordeals seem to be revealing themselves. Healing and healed is the best kind of gift which keeps on giving other than love.