INFJs Like To Be Aloof | Not Needy Or Wanting | Boom Shikha

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I know how lonely INFJs are and I really wanted to create a space, a community, and a safe haven for INFJs to congregate online, learn more about themselves, and connect with other INFJs. I think I have accomplished that, and I am grateful for your support in that.

[BoomShikha]

Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤

[bigd]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with clingy/needy people though, because you deserve better than that. You deserve a relationship with somebody who "wants" you because they understand who you are and appreciates you for just being you, not someone who "needs" you because of what you can give them in regards to their addiction to love and attention - that kind of relationship may seem like it works, but you'll always have a feeling that it's shadow and there's no true connection, because the relationship is in actuality transactional.

Unfortunately, we're kind of screwed, because I think the majority of people out there are only capable of transactional relationships. I'd rather wait until I met someone with the capability of connecting on a deeper level, and risk being alone forever, than to settle for a typical relationship.

I think INFJs' problem with self acceptance and self love is not actually natural for our type. I believe it is a dysfunction that results from being forced to grow up in a world surrounded by people who are not like you, who make you feel like you should be like them, and being pummeled with society's propaganda telling you to be like them. It is a hostile environment from birth, so of course we're going to believe we are not worthy. Until we shed the programming and realize how awesome we are. If we were all raised by and lived in a world of just INFJ's, we would never develop this dysfunction, as it is not a natural state for us. Fortunately, it's not difficult to shed once you become aware.

[yh]

"Love is patient. Love is kind, love never fails". We know in the end love wins.

[littleoldme]

I don’t think i’m unworthy of love, i just think the other part is unworthy 😂😂 but i totally agree with you on the admitting part and hate being clingy .
Also there’s the part where we got hurt in the past, so it’s hard to open up, or even trust.

[AlfonsoEspina]

It's surreal how listening to this feels like someone exposing my inner thoughts.

[kumarsaktivioly]

I don't know what else to say. Her thoughts resonated so much, I was on the verge of tears. I've never felt more understood. I honestly prefer my solitude and I thrive better when I'm alone. But when it comes to love, I'm a total wreck. I'm working towards loving myself more now. Gosh, Boom is profoundly introspective. All her videos I've watched so far are so relatable but I have to stop myself from commenting something like this all the time because I might come off as a creepy stalker. 😂 I'll shut up for now.
And OMG she's so pretty.
Okay. I'll stop –

[everydaystuff]

Hello Boom Shikha!
I feel you hit the nail on the head with this video and I understand what you mean. In my past I have done these things and sometimes tbh I still do to a degree. I believe that we are all a work in progress, so we must keep learning and growing and Loving ourselves because WE ARE WORTH IT!!
Thank You for sharing such a personal topic and your feelings:) It helps knowing we're not alone.

[santiagoscho]

sometimes love bombing makes us cringe. it feels unnatural for us. we had to test if it's real love. if the other person slows down and follows our pace, then it allows the trust to develop.

[catsawyer]

Yes, I constantly good at pressurizing myself when I should give myself a break, and taking it easy when I should be doing stuff, stupid, stupid me! It doesn't help that I have very little in the way of achievement so far and am turning 41 in a couple of weeks, really feeling the pressure to sort my shit out!

[DeeS]

You have been spilling a lot of my tea again and again^-^ You deserve to be a big channel with all this scalding hot tea sis . I feel like all of my dark hidden secrets are revealed lol

[philipmartin]

When I found out that I am INFJ after 49 years of not knowing, I realized the reason I felt so inadequate or unworthy as an adolescent was being so different from my peers. My mom, dad, and three other siblings were INFs so I fit in fine at home but publicly I was very awkward. My wife is similar in personality to my family, that's why we hit it off so well. There are not many people compatable with us on a long term basis.

[derricepugh]

9:04-9:35 Self loathing comments hit me hard. I’ve felt this way even recently. I’m currently thinking about leaving a relationship because (somewhat) of self loathing. I can’t pinpoint even why I have such a disdain for self... I have the inkling that it’s because I suppress many aspects of myself to please another party. Over time I think it’s become like a higher self coup, so to speak. Heavy topic.

[lowellmiller]

When you reject the very thing you want.... it's from fears or triggers from lies you believe about yourself from past trauma. When you feel the triggers start speaking out loud how you feel and you will hear yourself speak the lies you believed 🙂. For example, "everybody thinks I'm an idiot". Then you can tell yourself that no I don't believe that anymore I'm a nice person.😅

[sampadapaliwal]

Yap 100% on point but 6:34 was on whole another level of relatablity.

[melanie.l]

Every words of this video it's me talking!!we are such a paradox we want human contact so much but as soon as people get to closed we ran away. Anyway that' what i was like 5 years ago. Now i don't run away i give people a chance Some times it doesn't work out some times it does. "i prefer to be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not-Kurt Cobain- Not every one can like us and we don't like every one When we come accross so needed we scare people but one day i saw this poster saying IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE LET IT GO .IF IT COMES BACK IT WAS YOURS IF IT DOESN'T IT NEVER WAS!!i think it's so true

[christopherj]

Im thinking it is a selfless thing. An ego for others. So maybe this is where our emotional-physical disconnect. Im learning that if i give others a chance im helping me which helps me help others. Self acceptance. I hope my comments help other infj help make a more perfect world. Yes, ideally. Ok much love

[arhumshahab]

So do you INFJ’s feel regret for pushing those people away or is it very easy for you to let them go? As an ENFP, I read a lot about how INFJ’s feel bad for causing pain to others and feel regret after various types of decisions they make. But then I also read that it is very easy for them to let go and move on by concentrating on their passion/obsession.

[Water-ivcx]

Your videos are like therapy sessions to me, thank you so much. I really appreciate it

[kacake]

We are always mistaken to be cold as ice, at first, but once they get to know the real us, they are shocked by how hot as fire we can be, figuratively. We dont want to admit that we need love like everybody else, so we appear detached, but we just dont want to scare people away, that we can love as fully, and we dont want anyone taking it for granted or taking advantage of that. So we only show it to the person we believe will value it for a long time, the push & pull goes away, eventually.

[sabrinapemberton]

Absolutely 💯. Completely agree with this. 😶