5 SIGNS YOU'RE RAISING YOUR KIDS IN GERMANY 🇩🇪

Hi guys welcome to my channel,
I'm Antoinette a New Zealander living in Germany.

In this video, I talk about my experience raising my two children in Germany and many of the cultural differences that come along with it.

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[AntoinetteEmily]

Hey guys,
I want to say thank you so much for all your amazing feedback on this video! I read every single comment and wish I could reply to all of you individually, but it would take me days. I want you all to know that I am in no way judging the German or New Zealand style of parenting and I believe that any child who is raised in Germany or New Zealand is extremely lucky! I'm also not implying that every German or Kiwi parent is going to raise their children in the way I’m describing.

Also I want to say that most German parents DO teach their children to share but this doesn't mean the child has to automatically give the toy they are playing with to another child who wants it. As adults, we wouldn't be happy about someone taking our belongings off us, so why should children feel any different? I understand the logic behind this.

P.s. lastly, I should have said ''cobblestone wall’’ and not ‘’cobblestone fence’’ during the playground story. I realised this when I was editing and it was too late to change it.

[mamabear]

I think the part about sharing toys or not has a lot to do with teaching kids that they can't just take things away from others but have to ask permission. They learn early on that not everything is there for them to take. I made sure early on to teach my son please and thank you when he wanted something. When he would ask for a cookie (with his limited vocabulary) I would say, cookie please. It irks me when I hear kids ordering their parents around. Mom, I'm thirsty and they run and get it. No please, no thank you. On multiple occasions the german in me would come through, I would look at my friends kids and say, can you ask nicely, she's not your maid.
That's another thing in germany, other parents will tell your child to cut it out if they are doing something they shouldn't. They don't go to the parents to let them know. Yes mom might not have seen what you did but I did.
I tell my friends all the time, if my son acts like a jerk or inappropriately you have the right to put him in his place. After all, I might not have seen or noticed what he did behind my back. I don't want him to think that as long as mom didn't notice it's ok for him to do.
Takes a village to raise a child.

[NoOnehddg]

I am German and my mom always told me, when I was climing a tree and thought I couldn't make it down again: "when you can get up, you can get down" XD

[mehikaner]

I mean, it is a difference between sharing and getting robbed^^

[violalenzing]

Ein Zeichen, dass du in Deutschland aufgewachsen bist: Du hast einen Fahrradführerschein gemacht. 😂

[PrincessofErised]

When a child hears that they "cannot do something" that other children obviously do with ease, it is a lesson that resonates their entire life. That there is something wrong with them, that they are not capable, and that they should never take risks. The moment you let your child walk that wall, it changed everything. It was huge. Congrats on making the right decision because even a broken arm is not as bad as a broken human that was never allowed to reach their full potential. Well done.

[hape]

For me as a German it is refreshing to see people from other countries noticing the differences in lifestyles and reasonably picking their own way to deal with it. I think this is crucial for both, natives and newcomers, to question one's own habits and not to take them for granted but re-calibrate them to something even better (i.e. thought-through). Don't get me wrong: I explicitly mean that in both ways. "Integration" should be a two-way street and natives can learn a lot from immigrants as well. Your videos help us to become aware of the differences in habits in the first place. Thanks for that!

[notyozuka]

As a German, I fully agree with all of them, especially number 4.
When I was younger, my mom took me to the playground once, a nice one with these metal climbing racks and the such. We were climbimg them up and down, pulling and pushing one another and no one said anything, but every mom in the vicinity was watching on like a cheetah.
Well, of course, someone had go get hurt. Me. I fell down, hit my head on the metal bars, landed on the ground on my head/neck and had to go to the hospital (which was literally down the street).
My mom kept completely cool, telling me stuff like "It's not that bad", "look, it's not bleeding.", "big boys don't cry." and the such. A doctor got to see me and I had to remain in hospital for about a week, because I lightly cracked a vertebra in my lower neck. I was totally fine with that. It hurt, but it didn't stop me from having fun with the other kids in the hospital. But it was weird, because my mom only brought me there and later my dad came over, hwile my mom was gone. I didn't see her for two or three days.

Years later, we were talking about weird things that us kids were doing with my mom, aunt and grandma and I remebered that story. My mom remembered it as well and told me why she didn't come to visit me on the first few days.
As it turns out, she had a complete nervous breakdown after my dad came over, puked her guts out and fainted on the floor. The hospital instantly took her into intensive care because no one knew what was going on at the time and she was unable to calm down and get out of bed for this time because of repeated panic attacks and because she was certain she would have another breakdown if she saw me so soon.
But she never told me that. Nor did my dad. Why? Because "it's normal for kids to play around and get hurt from time to time" and "she didn't want me associating getting hurt with mommy feeling bad."
I love my mom. :D

[kathom]

"Prepare for the weather(s)!" Yep, that definitely is German kid raising. :D

[mvmoni]

I am a german kindergarten teacher and I traveled with my au pair family to nz... First thing I realized in nz was that I often saw kids with socks outside. That was and still is so crazy for me and really the opposite from the german 8 pair of shoes situation (by the way, I worked in several kindergartens and they always gave the parents this list with things, what the children need, but it was never necessary to buy all that stuff... For winter I would say just snow boots and a snow suit, for spring and autumn the rain suit with rain boots and normal shoes with a light jacket - and you should be fine... If really something is missing they will tell you. But in my experience are most of this lists not up to date/realistic) and the other thing I realized in nz where the great, amazing playgrounds! I never saw so cool playgrounds and I am super jealous :)
Haha and your point with the fence and that german parents let their children experience "dangerous" things: during my study to a kindergarten teacher I learned a sentence "every child has the right to fall down" which basically means that you need to let your children fall down, try dangerous things, let them try things where you know it's impossible... The important part is, that they experience it by themselves in their age... Because if they where always protected from everything and they are old enough to go out alone and then they climb up this fence, the possibility that they fail is much higher - they don't have the experience how to deal with the high, they didn't practice to balance and when they observed the other kids, it always looked so easy...and if they fall down then, it's even more possible that they hurt themselves more seriously, because they never practiced how to fall.

[TanjaHermann]

Forced sharing in kids makes NO SENSE. I would be pissed off, too, if somebody came over and wanted the book I was reading. Why do we think it's OK that kids have to give up their toy things even if they are actively playing with them?

[veronikab]

Bahahah. I grew up in Germany and your list is bang on! Taking risks was HUGE! I got hurt here and there but overall it was the best time ever ! Let your daughter explore and climb trees and take a skateboard or bicycle down a steep hill - it’s fun and will give her great memories.

[confusedbirb]

You can even breastfeed your toddler and no-one will say a bad word.
Also we think in Germany a pregnant belly is absolutely adoring and beautiful! You sometimes have to fight old woman trying to touch 🤣

[sherryp]

I do remember when my daughter was little, she was trying to get another child to share their toy with her. I assumed that the parent would encourage their child to share, but to my surprise they said that this was their son's toy, and he can decide who plays with it. I was about to get a little miffed about it, but several seconds later the boy wanted to play with my daughter's toy, and the mom told my daughter she doesn't have to share her toy if she doesn't want to. I realized that it goes both ways. And really, it does make sense. A person shouldn't be pressured to share something if they don't want to.
That wall is high!!! I would have been scared to let a little one climb and walk on that as well! But then I remember walking and climbing on things like that when I was little.

[papperlapapp]

That was super interesting, awesome video.

I'm a father of three (0y, 2y, 4y) and we just moved from Germany to the California. What you're explaining is exactly what I experienced here (but vice versa). When my kids climb at the playground there are often other parents who wants to 'help' in situations they evaluate as dangerous. That often really scares my kids when someone they don't know runs to them to 'help'.

Also when we walk through the city, normally my son walks faster then we do. We can't always see him but he waits at every intersection or street until we arrive, not a big issue I would say. But here people are always searching for the parents or try to 'prevent' that he's walking onto the street (what he would never do).

Thx for your video, like I said, it's super interesting to experience that from the other perspective.

[Amipalovestwilight]

When I was a child, I loved to climb on trees and walls, ride my bike without hands and so on :D And even though I hurt myself a few times my parents never stopped me. I think it's very beneficial for children to experience what they can and can't to with their body. It boosts their self esteem and helps them develop their motor skills.

[twinmama]

Dear Antoinette,
raising kids in a dangerous environment and grown-ups freaking out - I can share a story. So I've got non-identical twin boys who don't like siblings and have totally different characters. We often went for walks with our dog in the community-forest and as a "treat" for walking the dog, we went to the forest-playground afterwards. This playground is not an adventure-playground but rather conventional with a sand-box, a merry-go-round, some swings, a play-pirate-ship and two metal-slides. The bigger one is about 3, 5 meters high. So my boys loved to use the slides. First the small, later the big one. And with 2 and a half years one of my sons saw the big boys climbing up the slide (not the ladder, but the real slide) and he wanted to it like the big boys. First he didn't succeed (and he was a little afraid) but after some days of practising he finally reached the top and rewarded himself by sliding down head and arms first. About half a year later my mother-in-law nearly had a heart attack, when she saw him climbing the slide. She tried to stop him, but he declared "Oma, das mach ich immer so" (Granny, I'm always doing it like this) and wouldn't let her stop him. And was I proud of him, taking his stand. His brother attempted to climb the slide with 5 years for the first time.
It is always a question of considering the actual risk and danger on one side and trusting your child and their abilities on the other. It starts with balancing on longs logs in the wood or big stones at the playground. First you offer to hold their hand, but after some time, they will refuse to take it. First you slide with your kid, then you'll hold their hand, while the're sliding, then they slide on their own and finally they walk up the slide and climb down the ladder. They can do it alone, a big step into independence and a boost for self-esteem.
"Give your kids roots to grow and wings to fly." I don't know who said it, but it's my motto of raising kids.
CU twinmama

[jennyg-punkt]

Elefanten-Schuhe!
Always the first shoes!

And there's nothing more beautiful than a pregnancy belly!

[momostarkloff]

just a small note on the freedom part: no, it‘s not easier for german parents to let go, and sometimes we flinch on the inside just as much as any other parent. we just learned from our childhood growing up in kindergarten and such, that less accidents occur if we let children „fall“ from earliest age on, so they experience and learn to know what they can and cannot already do, and that fear is a good point for noticing this. also if they fall early on, they also learn early on, how to react in this case. how to fall, what to protect. this is not a foolproof concept, but usually kitas have no real accidents except blue spots and few cuts or grazes. we also learned that we need to show support and no fear of our kids trying new things and not to stop them from exploring. however it‘s also not easy to watch sometimes and no one is perfect. in a way on playgrounds and such we kinda rely on other parents lending a hand if really necessary, stopping a swing if a kid walks through without watching, catching a child when accidently falling of a too high slide tower. i have done all of this and my kids have been rescued like this and other incidents, so my kids learned the limits and learned to trust. of course not any accident can be prevented but usually all goes well...

[kerstinka]

That was really interesting. I listened to things that seem just natural to me as a German and I had never thought about it. You always hear that the Germans are correct and stiff and the New Zealanders are chilled etc so I thought at first that the video could be a bit negative. But it was really refreshing 🤗