My Mormon Mission Broke Me - Tara Herbert Pt. 1 | Ep. 1856

Tara Herbert, born in Lake Charles, Louisiana, and adopted at age two by white Mormon parents from Utah, recounts her complex upbringing in a predominantly white and Mormon environment. Raised with four biological siblings, she navigates her identity as a black girl in Utah, where she initially struggles to recognize her racial difference. Despite feeling out of place, she engages with Mormonism deeply, experiencing conflicting emotions about her faith and cultural identity. Tara's journey evolves through high school, where she grapples with societal perceptions of blackness, sexuality, and Mormon teachings on race and gender roles. Her mission to Atlanta, Georgia, exposes her to systemic racism within the Mormon Church and the broader community, challenging her beliefs and sense of self. Despite enduring trauma and grappling with guilt and shame, Tara finds solace in her eventual marriage and motherhood, yet continues to confront the complexities of her Mormon upbringing and racial identity.

Chapters:
00:00:00 Intro
00:02:05 She was born in Lake Charles, Louisiana, adopted at age two
00:07:40 Siblings in the home when she was adopted
00:09:30 Growing up in Utah
00:12:50 Her experiences with Genesis
00:14:50 Family rules in their Mormon home
00:19:00 Questions about her adoption as a child
00:23:35 She was adopted through LDS family services, it was closed
00:25:25 She loved her family, loved her upbringing
00:26:40 Growing up in Utah as a black girl
00:34:50 Sexuality in High School
00:40:00 Attending parties as a teenager - drugs, alcohol and sex are still present
00:49:44 In Mormonism women are not allowed any type of sexuality, just the men
00:53:56 She never confessed to her Mormon bishop, she hated bishops interviews
00:54:35 She confessed to a Catholic Priest instead
01:12:50 Mormon racist teachings
01:16:00 She carried an invisible weight for not knowing
01:17:35 Her virtue was placed above all else
01:24:14 She didn’t see people on the stand that were people of color
01:30:15 Her mission experience
01:34:50 She was called to Atlanta, Georgia
01:40:14 People in the streets tried to grab her and save her from Mormonism
01:41:10 Being exposed to racist teachings on her mission
01:52:37 Asking “Do we have the curse of Cain?”
02:02:40 She grew to hate the temple
02:08:05 How did she survive those days?
02:08:40 Segregation still existed in Georgia, except in the Mormon Church
02:13:09 Getting sick and having to go home for surgery; she didn't want to return
02:14:10 One of the returned missionaries committed suicide (until 21:50)
02:26:17 How her mission ended
02:33:10 Experiencing complex PTSD
02:43:45 Background of her husband
02:50:50 They married a year after dating, not a temple marriage
02:51:25 The Mormon Shame Parade
03:03:20 They got sealed with their baby in the temple

(This is an affiliate link supporting Mormon Stories.)
___________________

At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals.

Our overall mission is to:
1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology
2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis
3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions

🤝Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today

Join this channel to get access to perks:

Our Platforms:

Contact us:
📬PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117

[debbiemurray-kendall]

You will never know as a born and raised in Utah non Mormon bi racial how much you have helped me process my childhood.

[jconwell]

I think she is the best guest you have ever had. Her awareness and confidence in herself on things she did not understand were amazing.

[GF-iv]

This young woman is speaking the experience of many black women in America, especially those of us who grew up in an all white community.. I feel her pain.

[FaithandSunshine]

Im a Christian woman who found the clip on reels. I was compelled by what Tara was sharing. This is one of the most interesting podcasts. What a story!

[LibraLeo]

Thank you for this interview. As a black woman who grew up in Utah as an agnostic, I converted to Mormonism. I couldn’t reconcile with the indoctrinated racism and sexism. I always felt sorry for young people who grew up in the church. I grieved when I had to teach Sunday school because I thought it was immoral to teach kids Mormon beliefs.

[LoveWinsItAll]

This hurt as a black woman listening to this woman describe her hair and features. The immersion in her community has clouded her perception of self.

[otiphanyv]

I’m from Louisiana, and I find it really interesting that Tara doesn’t think she looks black, but for her skin color. Had she been raised there, she would have seen so many people who look exactly like her, and people who are black but look like a different race or ethnicity entirely.

I’m not saying she would never have experienced racism or have had to confront internalized anti-blackness (all of us in a society built on white supremacy have to confront these issues), but she would have seen herself in the faces and features of others much more easily than she can even now.

[whitesalamander]

Tara is one of the most eloquent and in the present person I’ve ever seen on Mormon Stories Podcast revealing what a “meat grinder” Mormon culture is.

[wanwan]

Random black ppl on the streets of atlanta being so willing to jump to her help was so moving to hear

[deninejackson]

When this beautiful young woman started crying I started crying. I can't imagine how hard this all hit her. My heart wants to give her a hug

[joannwebb]

I've been watching MormonStories for years and this episode with Tara Herbert is the MOST interesting, honest, informative, authentic, heart wrenching yet inspiring episode I have ever experienced. Tara is an incredible person with a strong inner resilience that is inspiring. She's the kind of person that I admire. Thank you Tara for sharing your story. I wish you all the best in life.

[micro-uhgresh-uhnn]

33:00 My heart breaks. At this moment when she said/asked if she has “white” features I was floored. I am also African American. Nothing about her features are white. Black people are a wide variety of features from straight hair to the most curly afro, narrow noses to broad noses. I pray that she gets to travel and learn about her ancestry. It’s totally not her fault, but as an African American woman it shook me to the core. And his response was like, okayyy. This is a real life version of Toni Morrison’s book The Bluest Eyes. 1:56:05 This is infuriating. It’s so cruel that they even allow Mormons to adopt black children when their faith automatically subjects a child to psychological abuse.

[ieatgremlins]

Sending young black people to knock on doors in deeply racist areas is disgustingly irresponsible. How many times have black men and women been shot for simply walking and being black in the "wrong neighborhood"? I am so glad she was smart enough to stay away from certain homes.

[MissyInTheMiddle]

I’m adopted by white ppl, I’m native indigenous (Sioux) and black… sent to catholic schools my whole life… I was generally the only brown person in my schools in the 90’s / early 2000’s, until I got to high school. My folks acted like racism was over (that literally came out my mothers mouth) and was treated like me defending myself against racist catholic kids wasn’t justified.
I see you girl, I understand what you’re saying and know in many ways how you feel. When I went to St. Louis for the first time as a teenager I really understood racism and simultaneously felt taken in by community.
All the love to you.

[cherylduncan]

I was raised evangelical and I remember how worried I was about the second coming. I always prayed that the second coming wouldn’t happen while I was a child.

[lilacbird]

Tara, your mission story is so heartbreaking. I was a member of the Mormon Church until I resigned five years ago and living most of my life in sheltered Utah. Your experiences on your mission hit me hard. I'm elderly and I feel like I know nothing of the truth of this country. Also, I am closely related to Gary Herbert. I'm from his biological family. The poor side that no one wants to acknowledge, lol. Thank you for your story, I'm looking forward to Part 2.

[denisequillen]

I've never clicked on a podcast so quick! My Mormon Mission Broke Me, is the most relatable validating thing I have ever heard. Just started it and can't wait to listen

[Hattiem]

Im a mentor to a ten year old black girl and love her and her mom very much. Shes way taller than her classmates, has no good father figure, and we live in a very white town, which all contribute to her struggles with sense of self. Her mom freed herself from a fundamental baptist family and i see in her daughter the same firey spirit i see in you, and me and her mom are working hard together to make sure that this society doesnt crush her sense of self. I hang out with her every saturday and i am so proud to see her grow into a confident young woman despite all the bullying, casual racism, and lack of support. She reminds me every day that the kids are alright.

[amygreen]

This interview really shows us the raw damage Morminism does to women and especially black women.

[VerticalGastricSleeveSuccess]

By far thee best Interview to date. I’ve watched every interview. This one HIT DIFFERENT. Also love your verbiage and how you navigated the conversation. She is a QUEEN 👸🏽