The 4 Stages Of Fearful Avoidant Becoming Secure - Thais Gibson | Attachment Styles

Healthy and Passionate Relationships after Emotional Pain (Re-Programming the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style)

In this video, we talk about the 4 stages that the fearful avoidant attachment style tends to go through in their journey to become secure. We'll talk about why it can feel uncomfortable or strange to suddenly break our patterns and start adopting healthier ones and how to keep on track to keep us motivated and reach that secure state. I'll also share some of my own experiences healing to go from fearful avoidant to securely attached.

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#FearfulAvoidant #SecureAttachment #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #Healing

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[AnalystAyi]

This is me! FA to Thank God for PDS!!!

[tomcole]

I only learned about attachment style in last 2 years. I myself was DA in all previous relationships, never had anyone break up w me because I did all the dumping or disconnecting before it got “too serious.” I finally met someone more avoidant than me which made me feel safe to start to feel my own feelings and move at a very slow pace emotionally to connect. It felt great. I fell in love and a switch flipped and I went from super Dismissive to super anxious. I didn’t recognize myself or why the person that I thought was being “respectful” of my need to go slow was still deactivating and distancing. That’s when I started looking and found your videos to help explain. My DA partner dumped me after 2.5 years out of the clear blue about a month ago. I’m okay with it even though it hurts because I was on the other side of the gun shooting people down for so long, I understand why it happened. They didn’t give a reason except to say they just didn’t trust me. I get it. If love is a pool, they got in the deep end and just couldn’t let go of the edge. I’m in the middle treading water saying “come on in, the water’s fine” - but they just didn’t trust THEIR SELF to do that. Now I’m on journey to just be secure in my self, not dismissive or anxious based on how my partner shows up. I’ve never been anxious before and I never want to be that again. However, I don’t want to go back to my old DA ways now that I’ve been on the other side and see the pain it causes. I prolly owe a lot of people an apology for how I was. Lesson learned! “When you know better, do better.” Wish me luck!!! 🤞🏽

[bellak]

1. Becoming aware of your stuff stage. Hardest stage. The stage were we stop numbing. We look at our core wounds and how our upbringing affected us. We pay attention to ourselves.

2. We start getting the reprogramming tools down. Through knowledge and awareness we start recognizing that these issues are changeable. We become hopeful. In this stage, you're not supposed to feel like you have all the answers right away. We are learning emotional literacy at this stage and we will come across new terms and tools. If you don't give up in this stage, the puzzle pieces will start coming together and things get clear.

3. We start seeing the transformation. When we get triggered, we feel space between our emotional reactivity and our behaviour. Usually, before healing, the trigger will take over the fearful avoidant i.e our emotions get so strong but instead now when we are in this stage we start catching ourselves reacting this strongly and use new tools to deal with it instead. We regulate ourselves better, allthough it may not be perfect at first. We share our boundaries, understand our needs and communicate them. We become more vulnerable.

4. Our new program starts working for us. It becomes automated. We get triggered less and less and when it happens, it won't be as intense. Our core wounds go away and we can now use our energy for doing the things we want to do, what we want to create or share or build, the relationships we want to have etc.

[roliv]

One day after looking in the mirror over times, you finally see yourself and you can't believe how beautiful you really are and all you've been missing out on. That's how it feels... thank you 😭

[emangrabogadi]

Thanks to PDS. I finally have a Secure attachment. After almost 2 years of consistently watching your videos and doing the work~ it feels really good. For the first time, relationships aren’t as triggering as they used and I am having peaceful breakups! Its magical haha, especially with DAs and FAs. I have more compassion for both, during conflict, speak up about my needs and am able to leave situations that don’t offer reciprocity.

Aloofness used to be very attractive to me! Now, it’s very strange as I prefer and attract people who communicate better and offer a safe space to express emotions. Even when dating avoidants, I don’t take things personally anymore and able to freely communicate my boundaries and feelings without fear of abandonment! Whenever I feel triggered, I’m able to self regulate and have a good self esteem and confidence in being an INFP as well! Life has been good and all my relationships have been healed! Closer than ever to my family and I’m so grateful, I cannot explain the feelings of abundance and so much gratitude for PDS!! Thank you soo much for this life changing content!’ ❤️❤️❤️

[HadashiMartialArts]

Former FA now showing up as Secure most of the time now. Still lean slightly anxious and feel certain impulses to deactivate and withdraw when triggered but I'm able to work through it and manage it most of the time now. Still doing the work though! I'm revisiting shadow work and needs courses now.

[kimb.]

Through tears I thank you for giving me hope. I was close to giving up because I thought I was getting worse! I’m actually in the stage of being able to recognize when I’m triggered and I know if I can just get through it I’ll feel better and be able to think more clearly. Still takes time- it’s a bumpy road but I’m not giving up! Thank you so much! 🙏

[janellejoy]

I've been FA and now moved into secure. I'd have to say shadow work and learning to emotionally regulate outside of a relationship first has been most beneficial. Love these videos for self awareness! Now to learn healthy strategies to build in a healthy relationship.

[Adablldoya]

Becoming aware of my needs and being able to communicate them without overreacting is the best thing to ever happen to me ! PDS is the best thing to ever happen to me hands down !

[jasonjarred]

Stage 1: becoming aware of your “stuff”
Stage 2: utilize reprogramming tools (and keep putting the puzzle pieces together over time)
Stage 3: transformation: Less trigger intensity and frequency, increased feelings of safety talking, expression of needs and boundaries

[Greenwitch_Garden]

I have your book, Learning Love, and I’m in PDS. Girl, this is overwhelming plus I’m in the dating stage with a DA. But I am committed to loving myself and becoming the woman I deserve to be. I think I’m in stage two.

Thank you so much! Your work is literally changing my life for the better. ❤

[MostHighProductions]

Hey, Thais! It's good to hear your story (again). My girlfriend and I retook the Attachment style quiz, both on your site and another, and it turns out that we are now both secure (she's 43% and I'm 70%) after just 2 months of doing some healing work!! Thank you so much for your testimonial and putting out this life changing content!!

[divinationbytara]

This is so crazy! I am an FA and I know exactly what you mean by being overcome by the trigger. But I have been working on it for months and this literally happened to me where I overcame a situation and was so shocked at how well I handled it :D SA here! And all because of your videos. Thank you so very much.
I went from being FA to SA in a matter of months after watching your videos. I am a tarot reader and I have clients of my own. And I can see that most of them need attachment therapy. I direct them all to your website and your videos. This is the best guide for anyone who wants to become secure. Not only this, I am now able to understand my DA partner so much better. Thank you once again. You are an Earth angel.

[HH-pjbl]

This is so true especially the self awareness part, this applies for any attachment style. When we become aware of our own stuff, acknowledging and applying change....That's when transformation sky rockets!
Key thing is you have to be able to own up to your own stuff! 🙌🙌🙌

[JJ-dzuw]

Just recently discovered that I'm a fearful avoidant and you've been super helpful. Thank you! Can you talk about distinguishing our boundaries from avoiding mechanisms? I'm having a hard time with this because up until recently, I always observed my avoidant behavior as personal boundaries

[Mollyjak]

I broke up with my DA in Feb, then asked to be friends… started working in Thais PDS (I’m INFJ FA). I was super triggered in that relationship but now with so many new tools, I’m showing up and communicating concisely with my DA and asking for what I need with clarity about what that specifically looks like. Understanding what a DA needs has been super helpful too and I’ve toned down my volatility and he is responding to the calm safe consistency and support.

[taylor]

I’m now 55% secure after coming from 11%. I was 42% FA and now I’m 18%!!!

[WeOnlySayHelloReal]

I've been working on my attachment wounds for ~4 years and your test tells me that I am 70% secure. It really is the result of incremental changes over time. I'm so thankful; this is life-changing work. My quality of life is so much better because, like you said, I just feel good in my own skin.

[seqkatwinn]

Yes, yes, yes! 5 months - I went from FA to Secure! And I feel so great. I was on a healing journey for 10 years before finding Thais and PDS. Finally, I can see with clarity, and can think and choose how I want to feel, instead of being triggered and my emotions running me! It is wonderful. My relationships are so much better, and I feel safe in life in general. Thank you, so much, Thais and your PDS team!!! 😊💚

[Nomad.Hawk_]

Love you, Thais ! 🩷 i have had dermatillomania since age 13... i'm now 36, and as i am learning to set my boundaries in real time, it is having an impact on my nervousness, my feeling of despair and powerlessness, and my need to set boundaries through the manifestation of a virtual "shield" through skin-picking... so it is helping me in my relationships, but also with my mental health ! I am a Fearful Avoidant too... thank you from the bottom of my heart ! 🙏