Dying Fat: Your Funeral Options

We want everyone to have a good experience at funeral homes (even during a terrible time) so we need dialogue about the needs of fat people in death.

Thank you Patron deathlings, who make this all possible!

***WAYS TO SUPPORT AND GROW OUR MOVEMENT***

***MORE DEATH CONTENT & RESOURCES***

***SOCIALS***

***CREDITS***

Mortician: Caitlin Doughty

***SELECTED SOURCES & ADDITIONAL READING***

Marianne’s second book (it’s about ZOMBIES!) is coming out in August check it out at

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Joy Nash – follow Joy on Instagram @therealJoyNash

Read more about fat bodies and the funeral industry:

“Supersize My Funeral’: How is the Obesity Epidemic in the U.S. impacting on the Funeral
Industry?”

“Can an Obese Person Be Cremated?”

“On the Final Journey, One Size Doesn’t Fit All”

[benderama]

My great uncle was morbidly obese and ended up taking longer to cremate than the funeral home had initially said he would, so he was not ready in time for the funeral we held. He had always said he was always so late to everything that he'd be late to his own funeral, lol.

[heidipomeroy]

I am a retired nurse and while this does not involve death, it does speak to the plight that some overweight people face. One night I received a hospital admission of a woman weighing 888 pounds. Before we could really provide care, hygiene had to be addressed. She couldn't recall the last time she'd had anything resembling a bath. It took 6 of us to bath her. It was beyond just turning her. Three of us held the areas of fat up and out of the way so the other three could bathe, examine and treat her skin. We had everything planned before entering the room. We kept her distracted from what could have been a miserable and humiliating experience by talking about her family and ours too. We shampooed and blow dried her hair and even gave her a spritz of perfume. We supplied an oversized gown for a comfortable fit. She told me later that it was the first time she had ever felt pretty. I firmly believe that the same care and loving heart should be afforded to the living and the dead. Every kind gesture counts.

[ashleynfam]

I’m so glad you called “plus size” people fat. I’m fat and it drives me nuts when people tiptoe around it. Like I have a mirror I know.

[CM-vlwi]

I ran a cremation office and the largest body I cremated was 610 lbs. We treat fat people the same as everyone else... dignity and respect.

[armedprophet]

I want an oversized casket so I can move around and get comfortable.

[gullettr]

I'm just not gonna die, I made my mind up the other day.

[sarahewson]

My Mom just passed away a few weeks ago. She was overweight, and it was made worse by lymphedema. We live in a small town, for context. Everyone was respectful throughout the process- paramedics, hospital, funeral home. The funeral director had three caskets we could choose from without any delay in preparing it. He went over the information about plot size, etc (which we didn’t need to upgrade thankfully). I’m so grateful that everyone treated her with respect, and she truly looked like she was just sleeping.

[vamp]

My stepfather just died this morning, and he was over 400 pounds at death. Almost 500. So I sent this video to my mother to help her and my step brother make a funeral plan for him. Thank you Caitlyn!

[jimmiwoltz]

Thank you for saying FAT. Its not a dirty word. Its less awkward then the million other things that could have been said

[Kurious_Kiwi]

Thinking about my body being locked in a box for the rest of eternity gives me serious claustrophobia

[larsland]

Fat person here: I prefer the term fat. People get offended when I call myself fat and it’s so weird.

[Jorie]

First time I saw an oversized casket was for a funeral where a mother and her two young children were murdered and they buried them together, it was sad but beautiful at the same time because they got to be together. I like the idea of things like that as well.

[johnhannibal]

When I die I want my remains scattered around Disney land

Also, I do not want to be cremated

[jefferyfelix]

My fiancé died suddenly at home and was over 600lbs. I let them know she was on the heavier side because we’d already dealt with her having to wait for an ambulance with the correct equipment in the past so I kind of already knew the drill.

The crew that came with the heavier weight gurney was super respectful. When they noticed the nosey neighbors they flipped the mattress we had on the curb for bulk pick up day onto the fence to block the neighbors.

I spoke with the funeral director the same day she died and he delicately explained to me that the cremation cost would be higher due to her weight. No shame just treating a grieving family member with respect and the deceased as well.

[mocowan]

My mother was obese when she died 18 years ago. After reading the comments, I can say I was lucky in the way that her death was treated with respect. My mom had an aneurysm, and I found her on the floor of her bedroom. I called 911 and they came. They hooked her up to a heart monitor and then told me she was gone. I was confused when the police showed up at the house. The paramedic explained that when a death is unexpected, the police will come to make sure there was no foul play or suicide involved. The paramedics also called the funeral home. When they got there, the paramedics and the funeral home people were able to get her on a stretcher and get her to the hearse. When I went to the funeral home the next morning, the owner waited on me himself. His mom and I are good friends and she asked him to wait on me personally. The only thing he said to me about my mom's size during the planning was when he took me to look as caskets and he said "Pick out one you think she would have liked, we will just need to get it a little bit bigger."
No one ever made any comments about her size, for which I am grateful.

[MikeMinMD]

One of my best friends died in March of 2021 - he was over 600 lbs, the funeral director said he estimated 650. There was a casket, a very large custom built one that was very nice. He wanted a burial, but we were not able to have a graveside ceremony due to safety laws since the body plus casket was so heavy it required a heavy crane to lower in. The director was awesome throughout, and explained it with caring and sincerity, I spoke with him for a while before anyone else arrived and he was a very nice guy.

[bluestarghost]

Love how caskets have sizes, I'll have a medium with sprinkle

[Darrylizer]

I couldn't care less about what happens to my body when I die. I just don't want to be a burden on my family financially.

[lucycannon]

Since Caitlin is reading comments to make sure they're respectful; Please let me thank you again for the extremely valuable information you impart in these videos. The recent unexpected death of my oldest daughter left me untethered, but I was well prepared for my meeting with the funeral home, thanks to you. This is an invaluable service, provided with a soothing voice, and a great sense of humor. Blessings to you, Caitlin.

[divalea]

My son, who died last week, weighed 419 pounds.
This video helped me be ready to expect extra charges for his size, and what his cremation would entail.
Your other videos validated my ideas and hopes of what a good death and celebration of life could be.