The Most Pretentious College Applications Ever

Admissions officers/essay coaches of Reddit: what was the most pretentious application you've ever seen?

#Reddit #AskReddit

[castielsgranny]

Heard about one application letter that began, “I’m not an applicant, I’m an appli-CAN.”

[starlightequestrian]

I once had an instructor that opened her first day of class with, "let's get this out now since I get at least 1 or 2 students a semester. If you try to bribe me I will throw you out of class. And no, I don't care who your parents are, I am still here despite threats of lawsuits. So, if that was your plan, leave now"
One guy actually left! Never saw him the rest of the semester.

[Davtwan]

Another essay tip: don’t write the essay as one giant metaphor. It may impress your family or even some of your teachers, but admission officers don’t have the time to be deciphering your essay when they got many more to go through. Besides, they likely have seen this type of essay before many times. It’s not going to impress them. They’ll just think it’s a waste of time.

[joannamyers]

When I was applying to one of the best colleges in my state, I included an essay about how, since I'd always gotten good grades, I defined myself by my intelligence, up until I attended a summer program and met a student who was good as all the same things as me, but was way smarter. How it completely crushed my self-esteem, but I did learn something, and rebuilt my identity around accepting that I wasn't the smartest but had other good traits.

They let me in. They referenced that essay when accepting me, too. It's very cringy looking back on it now, but it was super heartfelt at the time. I'm glad they gave me a chance.

[gurglequeen]

I'm guessing the girl that sent in the scented resume was a fan of Legally Blond.

[fgcfelice]

Imagine if someone heard one of their essays listed here 🙈

[Laurabeck]

In my country applying for universities is a purely beurocratic procedure since all universities are publicaly run and funded institutions and whether you make it i or not is based entirely on grades from school and success on a final exam. Having something as subjective as an essay being such an important part of application process is insane to me

[randalledwards]

I will say that even though it sounds pretentious, being bored because you learn things 4x faster than everyone else in your class is a real problem. There is no way to develop long term work ethic and study habits if you can just do your entire homework assignment before the class it was assigned in even ends. 7+ years of being so smart as to ace classes without trying leaves a ton of kids woefully unprepared for college in which professors physically can’t teach you the material in the 2-3 hours a week you see them. College is all self taught to an extreme. Being able to overcome this problem in high school to not only maintain good grades but develop good work ethic and study habits is hard as shit. Many kids who are too smart end up crashing and burning in college due to the difficulty spike. It almost happened to me. I didn’t really figure shit out until I already had an associate’s degree but I still ended up taking 5.5 years for a bachelors.

[Randomlolstudios]

The one about the girl being “too advanced academically” could actually be a detriment though, I was a great test taker and was completely floored in college because I never really learned good study habits, and didn’t know how to fix it. So yeah, I’d say it’s mildly ok, if a bit pretentious.

[hellby]

I saw a post like this where OP was interviewing some guy and he was talking about how smooth the coffee beans he ate were while licking his lips.

[EndlessSummer]

I'm glad that universities here in Ontario don't ask for an admissions essay. Because if they asked "why specifically _this_ university, " my honest answer would be "because I don't have a choice."
I applied to a university in late July. Most of the other universities had already closed their applications. This was one of the few that was still open. Now, I don't regret going to this uni, because I made some great friends there (who will probably be friends for life), and on top of that, my best friend since first grade now lives in that city.

[RadioactiveSherbet]

12:25 That person *definitely* sounds like they've been filling out so many applications and essays that they've suffered a mental breakdown.

[oldwoman]

I worked for a school division for 6 months entering teacher resumes/applications into the computer. I was amazed at the numerous misspellings and how many teachers wrote the date they filled out the form as their birthdate.

[YoYo-gtiq]

I had a gig writing entrance essays for Chinese students to get into American unis. This one girl insisted she was a scientist and that her proven theories (plural) were already changing the world. She wouldn't tell me anything about her theories because I would obviously steal them (because that's how science works).

Anyway, I wrote the essay about how she rules and everyone else, including Isaac Newton, drools. And how she is just like the pioneers who went from England to the New World via the Oregon Trail.

It was my greatest achievement.

[andrewthemaroon]

Networking is so important and i have zero clue how to do it. Back when i was dtill in HS i wasnt allowed to really socialise with my friends outside of school and it really stunted my social skills. Now at 29 i still dont know how to sell myself or get people interested in me.

[lixonzito]

not exactly pretentious (since she got in) but for an internship at a law firm run by a professor at harvard, this girl i had been tutoring turned in her resume which was pink and scented. it was kinda cute lol— turns out the professor was a creep but hey now the girl and i are married her name is elle

[BA-rmmi]

I had no idea an application can be pretentious. Aren’t you supposed to show your qualifications and follow instructions?

[canondocre]

"It's not the fedora on your head, it's the fedora in your heart." 😁😆😂🤣😅😋

[Empyre]

Once when I was reviewing resumes for a series of factory jobs, one resume was 6 pages long, with a cover sheet of his face, and most of the pages talked about his devout Christian beliefs, how involved he is with his church, and how much he loves Jesus. There was maybe, like, one paragraph discussing his work experience and qualifications.

[toolittletoolate]

I worked for several years at a securities brokerage in San Francisco. The company advertised an open position (I don’t recall what it was, but it doesn’t matter) and I could not believe the responses we received. Every single applicant had cured cancer, achieved peace in the Middle East, invented a perpetual motion machine, or all three. We read several of them aloud for entertainment.