Is Dating Today Really “Impossible”?

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Why does dating feel so difficult today? It can often seem like it’s a competition to see who can be more “aloof,” who can care less, who can try the least. And when you put in actual effort, it can feel like it even turns people off!

Everyone seems to be looking for someone “rare and special,” but there’s a right way and a wrong way to approach this. In today’s video, I explore the #1 way to approach dating, advice for texting, and small-but-effective ways to move things forward.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 0:54 – Why Is Dating So Difficult Today?
0:54 – 2:28 – The Wrong Way to Date
2:28 – 3:47 – The Aloof Approach
3:47 – 6:04 – The Authentic (Awesome) Approach
6:04 – 7:51 – The Principle of Reciprocity
7:51 – 10:32 – What’s Missing in Dating Today
10:32 – 12:01 – All in the Context of Standards
12:01 – 13:09 – Injecting Some Life Into Texting
13:09 – 14:31 – How to Respond to “How Are You?”
14:31 – 16:17 – Little Moments That Move Things Forward
16:17 – 17:37 – What’s Your Question?
17:37 – 18:56 – How to Lead Rather Than Follow
18:56 – 20:28 – Making Others Feel Brave

[bigcatenergy]

If we all showed up authentic and open like this to dating, to work and to all our relationships, this world would be a much better place for everyone

[StiaanyBoy]

I have no problem putting in effort, but when the people I date never reciprocate any level of effort, then I will not continue chasing them. That's my problem with dating. I have never found anyone who reciprocates.

[sbethsc]

Go in with a positive mindset but realistic expectations. If you bring a negative aura into meeting new people that is going to bring a negative outcome. People have traumas, issues, problems, but there are people who you can heal with, grow with, learn from & create something beautiful together, it's more than possible

[awsambdaman]

This video is so necessary! Everyone dates like an avoidant nowadays

[themagescorner]

Too real. Aloof is a great word to describe the dating scene.

[raypurchase]

I’m 33 and I feel like dating is tough. I hate dating apps and this year I really wanted to meet someone. My confidence in general isn’t great which I’m working on but I become intense to show someone I’m interested in them and I know I should probably take things slow. I often get scared as soon I think things might not go well and shut down. If I’m out, I just assume most girls are with someone and I try and keep work and my personal life separate. The dating game becomes very overwhelming at times.

[aatonnaa]

I am a giver. I give a lot first. The moment I realise that you take it for granted, you act disinterested and I feel emotionally not secure anymore, I disappear totally. The number of guys who came back begging after I brutally stopped interacting is just crazy. Why cant people value something good from the start?

[heyu]

I’ll text someone after a date when I’ve had a great time at the end of the night. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable. If you don’t show your intent no one can read your mind. That’s how most of my relationships begin ❤

[_TheVenusian]

I really like this perspective and would just add a caveat. For people who consider themselves to be givers, it's really important to also know when to lean back. Just as important as it is to give and to lead, we also need to learn when and how to receive. If you feel called to put this into practice, I'd just be aware of how often you're leading and make sure to balance that with an equal amount of allowing others to do the same. Allowing ourselves to rest in moments and be poured into helps prevent burnout. We can't *always* be the ones responsible for making others feel comfortable/safe. And if we only ever find ourselves around people who need us to model, that's also worth thinking about 🌸

[orlygf]

This is so spot on ! I have attributed this very uncomfortable change to the Covid pandemic . I have said repeatedly that it changed people in the most horrible ways. The person below who commented, 'everyone dates like an avoidant now ' is 100 percent correct!

[desertrose]

Because many men and women refuse to resist the urge to finding a distraction from working on their past wounds and baggages, money, health..etc., and as a result most people end up being with projects instead of partners.

[Sportsproet]

This is such a beautiful valueable point Matthew! You're content is just getting better and better❤. Love this mindset shift.

[andresfarfan]

I love how Matthew gets to the point. Is about being authentic as you are. Never thought about reciprocity, now I feel like it can give me a better way to look at dating with a different mindset. Thanks Matthew you're a savior!

[TimeknowJesus]

Great video, you nailed it dead on, exactly what is happening out there. One major reason, simple manners are "Gone", that adds to this dilemma. I have called out people who take forever to reply, as their reply may depend on my future plans and time. Do it once is understood, do it again, its disrespectful, move on from these people, simple reply is not difficult, ego centric people who think the world revolves around them.Sad times we live in. Aloof narciistics everywhere.

[marte]

I'm struggling in how to be proactive without looking needy and this is exactly my feeling. However, I'm scared of me taking the first steps, makes me feel I'm not good enough for a man to claim me. And honestly I've dated men which I have to tell them and even guide them, and with men that claim me and being proactive seems much more smooth.

It's happening right now and this guy isn't texting or calling, he acts aloof as well. I'm gonna pass, my person wouldn't give up so easily. I want to be pursued, but I don't know where it's the correct balance

[boia]

I watched your videos as a teenager, back when your content (as i remember it ) was more literal on how we can improve how we flirt etc
whereas now it seems like a more wise approach to dating, not focusing so much on the details of flirting techniques and what not, more so on the importance of being ourselves and how we should approach dating in a way that even when it doesn't work out we still learn something, we come out knowing we gave it our all and that just wasn't our person, without holding grudges but just moving on to find the right person for us.
It's cool to see how both I and this content you put out matured!

[DrMortezaChalak]

AUTHenticity is so key. Not necessarily for who we date but also for ourselves

[deezevs]

When a man says “wyd” i come up with most absurd funny action I can think of (in a playful way)…example “im switching out all the shoe laces to wash them and color coordinate them” lmao
That sorts them out real quick 😂

[handsomebarber]

You know society is in trouble when you have to teach people how to communicate

[marygassman-baltierra]

You are so right! When I bring the energy, and they do not reciprocate, that tells me everything I need to know. In the past, I would feel rejected. But I no longer need to feel that way. I can just say that they are not the person for me, and move on.