The Secret to Being Happy Alone

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
02:10 - The concept of a fulfilling life
03:19 - Requirements for human fulfilment
06:12 - A narrative of emotionally salient experiences
10:13 - The importance of generativity
17:14 - Reflecting on the life we’ve lived
21:58 - Hormones and phisiological aspects
30:50 - What we can learn from how monks live
34:33 - Perspective and the internal environment
40:31 - Conclusion and summary

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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

Learn more about the research that goes into making our videos:

[maya.furtado]

Eating dinner alone on a sunday night right now and thinking that life is gonna be this way forever. This video came out on the right time for me.

[Oscar_AH]

Being happy alone is one of the biggest findings of my recent life. The possibility of happiness regardless of external input is a big deal

[chronomirageYT]

I love that you say "you don't need friend/relationship/kids" while simultaniously acknowledge the fact that "friend/relationship/kids are the easiest way to...", this make the life of both normal and non-normal people valid, instead of go all in on saying "childless cat ladies are miserable" or "man/women are trash and children are pure burden"

[altarielc]

Cried in front of this video, needed that, fighting to bear life everyday for seeing friends, you see them every 6 months or so and in the meantime everyday you fight, you're sad, you're happy nobody even knows about it. I'm trying to push myself to believe that IF I I'm the only one who experiences my life and my emotions, lets try to make it happy ones. But the drive to do things, when you're alone, handicaped, poor and mentally ill is so hard to find. Anyway I don't really know what I'm writing but it is cathartic. If someone reads this and kind of relate, if you're feeling really down maybe do not aim for happiness, try to stay in the moment and make it bearable, and when you'll wake up tomorrow you might feel great, or have some energy to do some sports and then the sports give you the drive to go out. DON'T GIVE UP, STAND FOR OTHERS AND FOR YOU. ♥

[pastsubstance]

I cured my loneliness by being alone. I learned to be happy alone. I enjoy my own company now. It feels good. I don’t wait for others to be happy. If i want to go out, I go out- i don’t have to go out with others; i don’t have to wait for others. I create more hobbies, more interests, more journaling so i can sort of talk to myself. I keep myself busy and mist importantly, I try to actually take care of myself. I feel like learning your emotions really help like figuring out when ur stressed and need a break, and figure out what makes you happy. Just recently I learned that I like to bake and cook. It’s fun for me. It used to be seen as a chore and made me miserable but now i see it as a hobby.

[atlas]

i‘m a college student who recently got a tiny flat of her own, and let me tell you the amount of my friends who were shocked like „how can you stand being alone on the weekends?? don‘t you wanna have someone move in with you?“ like… no, it‘s fine? if i feel like company, i make a call or invite someone over for dinner or go out. being self-sufficient and capable of being alone with yourself is a really valuable life skill and i‘m shocked how many people my age don‘t have it at all. i have a lot of friends who literally can‘t be single for more than a week, or who refuse to enroll in classes if none of their friends take it as well… it‘s so bad for their development as people.

[Sunset-dbwn]

This guy is selling self-improvement stuff but also shares all the information for free on his YouTube channel. It's only for those who need more personalized coaching. This shows that it's not a scam, but a genuine effort to help people. Thank you for all your content !

[Lightningspiner]

I often find it more difficult to be happy with other people around than just by myself.

[BuzzLiteBeer]

Great to hear this perspective as a lifelong single guy without any real hope of finding a romantic relationship (in my 30's now and still feel invisible to women). I've been filling my life with adventure (wilderness backpacking, rock climbing, surfing) and investing in my friendships (a lot easier and more positive than my dating experiences). My life definitely feels more meaningful than in my 20s when I was desperate to find a girlfriend and now I can't even be bothered to try. I'm still some years away from truly ditching my efforts at a romantic relationship, but I'm getting there - I imagine it's very liberating.

[brycenwhitesides]

Thank you! What I learned:
1. Create emotionally salient/charged experiences that build your relationship with yourself and identity.

2. Create things- whether diy projects or art or contributing in some way like volunteering.
There are other ways to fulfill one’s self by doing things that develop one’s identity in the world like contribution, doing creative things, pursuing a career not a job, and having a pet.

All suffering and pleasure comes from inside not outside. I can change the way I feel and think about outside things by the meaning I give to what happens.


The default in

[mandragonna]

I moved out to another country a year ago and I have never felt loneliness a single time.
I always remember something one of my current roommates told me when I was talking to her about my day, and she told me that I looked so happy and contempt with myself even though I spent the whole day alone and that she really admired my ability to entertain myself without the need of someone else. And at that moment, it had never occurred me that this is an ability that people could struggle with.

My sense of self, for a long time, was of someone unlovable, unlikeable, boring and ugly because of all the bullying I went through from elementary school to highschool, I knew that I couldn't rely on anyone so I turned myself into my best friend. Eating alone, playing alone, being ignored, talking with myself became normal to me. And maybe because of this I found it "easy" moving out and adapt to a completely different country where I know no one and don't even properly speak the language. Sure, I miss my friends and family every now and then, but it has never been a feeling of despair because they're not close. And now I feel like I have found myself in this kind of limbo filled with possibilities, this is the time where I have felt the most alive in my entire existence and I don't want it to end.

Actually, the times I've felt sad about my situation is me thinking that I might have to go back to my country, because that place for me is associated with people who ignored me, did not appreciate me, where I felt the most alone even though I was physically with other people around. I always remember the Christmas Eve of 2022 because that year was the worst I've ever felt, so bad in fact that * warning * I thought about just die. That year I was left and right asking for help to my family, friends, acquaintances, therapists, even a supposed love interest and no one gave me the answer I needed to hear.

The only thing it kept me alive that night was my dog peacefully sleeping next to me, for her, I'm her entire world and I could never take that away from her. So I kept on living another day, and another, and another, until a year passed by. During that time, I found an opportunity to move abroad and just put all my savings into this new life I'm building for myself.

My new sense of self has changed drastically ever since, now, magically all of my friends send me messages to know how I'm doing, talk with my parents almost daily, started loving more and more my body, feeling that I am loved and that I deserved to be loved, that I am likeable and someone who is appreciated to be around with, I even allowed myself to fall in love with a guy.

I became a loner out of survival, but now here I am seen as someone confident and capable who can achieve wherever they put in their minds. I lived so blinded by not fitting into what is expected of me in my home country that made me loose my sense of self.

[mitthrawnuruodo]

What helped me was sort of not desiring others to complete me. I had moments where being around others made me miserable because I thought they should make me feel better but in reality no one can make me feel any way but myself. I also tried to find out who I am through others but that didn’t give me what I needed: an identity. I grew up with social anxiety and depression stemming from undiagnosed neurodivergence so I didn’t have an identity. I’ve done a lot of work on my own and now I’m fine on my own but I’m not apposed to letting others join me in this journey called life. Just need to figure out what my journey is.

[LUCR]

Today, I was lost in a dark place, feeling powerless and helpless in my struggle to find deeper, meaningful connections with others. But this video was exactly what I needed—whether by chance or something greater, stumbling across it may have saved my life. Thank you, Dr. K., from the depths of my heart.

[JerettySpaghetty]

People like you give me hope in this world and the people on it, myself included. Sometimes I feel so alienated, so unsalvageable that I don’t even want to try improving anything at all. But the way you breakdown and dissect these mindsets make me realize I’m just misguided and it happens to the best of us, even you. I hope you know what an impact you’ve had on the world Dr. K, you’re an inspiration to us all.

[cashnoisette]

this video is INSANE, thank you so much, much depth, happy happy

[Madchris]

This is one of the best Dr. K video I've seens. Thank you for this video, it provides a lot of perspective and investigation into what makes people happy too. Thank you Dr. K and team.

[Blue_Blaze]

Amazing timing on this one. This year my focus has been on building my self worth and confidence and I've been realizing that what I am missing at this point are friends, and a support network I can trust. I will still try to reach out and meet people next year but I will keep this mindset in mind and also work on my own contentment when alone.

[donnelly]

As someone who is way below average looking and about to be ugly due to the fact I will need to have two teeth extracted due to gum disease, severe career failure for essentially all my 40s, severe lack of social skills, and the fact I will be 50 in less than three months, I am reaching the point where I'm searching for ways to be content living out my days alone. I figure the ship has already sailed for finding an intimate partner and or a close group of friends. I am in a position in life where I just want to have a modest amount of career success and take up some new hobbies and just live out my days living life on the edge whether it be skydiving, base jumping, high speed skiing, going after cycling Strava KOMs for downhill segments, cliff jumping, and any other high thrill activity. If I die doing something I love, it will be far far better than dying old, sick, and LONELY. It's time to live each day as if it's game seven!!

[richamishra]

“Every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude” - Aldous Huxley.

[IslaHarris.]

I’m a 23 year old stay at home mom with a two year old. I have suffered from quite severe loneliness for two years now despite never being physically alone. This video couldn’t have been any better. Thank you for the work you do♥️