The Narcissists' Code 434- Narcissists want things to be on their terms and will rarely compromise

On today's episode I talk about how Narcissists want things to be on their terms and will rarely compromise with you unless they need something from you.

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

You can find me on -

Click the BEACON up top for direct links. Thank you so much and lets HEAL together

[aarushiaarushi]

Everytime I go through a weak moment of missing my narc, I put your videos on and instantly feel stronger. Thank you. ♥️

[phoenixandpeacock]

So so so true what this man is saying. People who are on the fence please get out! Don’t waste three decades like I did!

[s]

I bought land with my ex during the pandemic, he would literally argue with me over cutting weeds. WEEDS! It was impossible to have conversations about literally anything he did not agree with. Exhausting

[phoenixmode]

Damn. This is such a truth bomb. I know all this, and learned it over 36 years of marriage. Here I am two years out, the divorce final after a year and a half, and honestly, I'll never go back. This was the dynamic for YEARS. Always, in small ways and large ways.
And her I am now, with part of the finalized divorce settlement decree STILL not having been fulfilled in his part.
Why?
Bevuas he STILL thinks he's in control.
Thing is, I've had so much more peace and joy and calmness in the two years since I ended this, and am learning to love and heal myself, that at this point, I almost don't care.
I'm like, eff it, let him think he "won", let him think he's still "in control", let him believe he "rules the roost".

Having been the owner of several flocks of chickens, I can tell you what happens to the rooster who gets too damn full of himself. And I've taken care of it myself. Even my n ex couldn't do that.
I just am so content with being it if that mess finally, I'm ready to just say "Eff it" and let that last little bit go.
Hell gloat and he'll brag and he'll think he really "showed me who's in charge"....but I don't care, because he's not in charge of me. I took that back.

This is my letting go, and moving on.
I'm happier now, and I don't feel a need to drag it out. He isn't worth my energy.
He got too much of my money, energy, attention, and time already in 36 years.
And he misused all of that.
Eff that.

[NewNameNaomi]

I have no desire to go back anymore. But it’s still incredibly validating and motivating to watch your videos and know I’m going in the right direction in my healing

Thank you!!!

[phoenixandpeacock]

I truly believe this is your purpose. You are very relatable very real and the way you deliver messages are gold. If you were never a narcissist you wouldn’t be able to help the thousands of people from the perspective of a narcissist!

[svjetlanabrezo]

I totally agree with that that we DON'T love that person anymore, but it is some trauma bondage we need to break...I cant explain it to my friends, that I don't LOVE that person but I want to break that mistification they want to make...

[stohandmadejewelrycraftcorner]

Here is what I have learned about people. People will do what they want to do. There are those people, who will listen. There are those people, who will not listen. People will not get help until they really want help. Sometimes, people in toxic relationships will have to hit their rock bottom before they get the help that they so desperately need. It's sad, but true. Real talk.

[Magnus_Kitty]

Thanks for this video. I think so many people romanticize the relationship with the narcissist, and try so hard to get the narcissist to like them by doing whatever they think the narcissist wants. But really you should be asking yourself, do I even like this person all that much to begin with?? Do I even value who they are, the things they do, how they treat people? Answer for me was maybe yes at first, but once I saw them for who they really are, the answer was no. I only stayed because I kept searching for the person they pretended to be in the beginning. I just had no clue what was going on and didn't know what narcissism was at the time.

[melissanguyen]

All your videos make SO much sense! I brought it up with my ex-husband’s friend who is trying to help him. They are convinced he has autism not NPD… I don’t think autism makes someone cheat on you repeatedly, break your possessions, hurt your kids, and continually lie and break boundaries and “forget” the pain they are causing… it seems like enabling him to me 😔

[kylennpetersen]

😶 this is my life, double standards and no compromise. Any thing he does for me is in response to an issue and not done in good faith. I'm so exhausted from hoping this marriage could work... Home today after our restraining order hearing was extended. Looks like this will be the end and my family will heal, but I'm so torn. Hard to let go of the hot and remember it's almost all cold...

[tigercappy]

I stayed a long time, even after I knew I couldn’t love him anymore due to how bad he treated me, for the kids. That’s not a good reason, but I had so much guilt and especially lately when there’s so much hate towards single moms as if it’s our fault or something. So, for years I said to myself if the kids will be better off if we stay together, my personal happiness isn’t important. Then, the stress affected my health, and he wasn’t there for me whatsoever so I decided then I had no choice because the kids needed a healthy mom. 💔

[jess]

Yes. I was trauma bonded before and doesn't realize it. And back then, returned in the typical hoovers thinking that "this time will be different..." yes. It was. For him. He set the new internal boundaries for him, and on the final discard, all the love was transformed in a "It gone colder for me, but i tried". He tried making future faking with me. He tried saying that he loved me. And now, i walk my dogs on the street always reflecting inside my brain "was I in a coma?" "Was I too naive?" "Was I brainwashed?" No. It was just his new boundaries prevailing over mine. And of course, no empathy and all the competition with me, and probably wanting to test himself about if can still feel joy on my disgrace and tears. He came back to me so he could end things up with me later by his new terms of distorted truth. With sad tears for me and joy from his part. But the truth was he was so fucking blocked on his feelings and cold as a rock that he himself said to me when I told him to get vulnerable that I was giving power to him doing that. What? I was just opening myself ... but on narcissistic mind, his impenetrable rules always prevale. And me, for him, was just a weak fly that he losted his interest in play the challenge games.... I was a cockroach that died on his cat play game to seek and partially destroy to enjoy the zig zag of almost death. Sad. Trauma bond now is almost ending here. So my mind can be free from the real hallucination that has been through.

[relaine]

What is really difficult is that we are all dependent on relationships. We are primates. The more broken connections you come from, the more vulnerable you are to terrible behavior.

Go to therapy. Be good for yourself AND for others. We need eachother. There is no shame in that.

[navk]

It doesn't matter how many times you have to repeat this it never gets old. If ever I get weak I watch your videos and it totally solidifies my no contact to protect my child

[shade]

My partner has tendencies. She often says "our" in regards to future plans, but I feel it's a subversive way for her to really say "my". When I get a thing she wants it to be hers too, and guilts me with phrases like, "well I consider my things to be yours, so it makes me sad you dont feel the same."

[stunna]

Constantly dealing with this, as we have a child and I have no choice but to communicate. It's so disheartening and frustrating. I know nothing but peace and this situation tests my patience constantly.

[cherrybacon]

Everything always seemed to go his way. He would always talk about HIS ans for rhe week, and there was very rarely any mention of OUR plans. 🍒

[lorrainefrasier]

"Blah blah blah boo boo boo bee bee bee"😂😂 Lee is funny.

[Diana-zewu]

Other folks have described it differently. Today I wrote this: *I wanted to love him and he let me*.