The Narcissists' Code 458 - How to tell if you are really dealing with a Narcissist or toxic person

What are the telltale signs of narcissists and toxic people? Typically the title is unimportant and the thing that really matters is the behaviors.

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

You can find me on -

Click the BEACON up top for direct links. Thank you so much and lets HEAL together

[darrens]

My God you will know when your with a narcissist. Most likely years after. The emotional draining, Mind fog, have high anxiety and worry a lot, depression, rarely smile or happy. They will have a hold on you, they will even make you think you are losing you mind. If you think you are with one get the hell out of it! As the longer your with one you will get more and more traumatised, save yourself before you start losing yourself!

[denisenoles]

Yes! Thank you! So sick of people going on and on about a diagnosis. If you are getting treated like shit, the diagnosis is irrelevant. The goal should be to get out of that abusive/toxic situation.

[JudyLBeres]

I was with a Covert Narcissist for many years. When someone is smiling to everyone else, but showing narcissistic traits in private, you feel crazy. I didn’t even know what narcissism was until I checked it out online. Wish I wouldn’t have wasted my life.

[strabismus]

Your channel is saving me from spiraling. Thank you.

[rebeccaelaine]

You know what's so insidious is that individuals like this can also (seem to) be intermittently connected, loving and supportive. You can share inside jokes, see them be good with your kids (and see your kids fall in love with them). They can take you to your favorite restaraunt, laugh so loudly with you, make you feel like you have a family and home.

But the behaviors oscillate. They lie about everything for no reason, stonewall, leave you crying alone, cheat, hide information, discard on a whim etc.

This kind of emotional abuse is terribly hard to escape from, especially if you had a difficult upbringing. I know personally I wanted love and family so badly that I was willing to deal with it. And googling narcissism didn't always seem to fit, because he wasn't ALWAYS like that. And my own reactive abuse made me wonder if I was the issue - because I'm self releflective and in therapy.

But I also have CPTSD and I'm not fully healed. I know it's hard to be in a relationship with someone like that so I justified his behavior for years.

Best thing I've read so far - in a normal breakup people feel sad. In a narcissistic breakup people feel crazy.

Please know you're not alone in trying to make sense of a senseless relationship.

[eponymoususer]

Lee’s right- it doesn’t freaking matter. Identify abuse patterns. If your abuse follows a narcissistic pattern, get therapy for your narcissistic abuse. Don’t worry about diagnosing the narcissist. That’s their business. Worry about healing up your business.
Narcissism is a trait present in quite a few mental illnesses. Don’t waste your energy trying to figure out which one. Get rid of the person and get yourself some healing.

[dadiva]

Let's remember there are 4 types of Narcissism (even though they all share common traits (lack of empathy etc..) and 3 ranges (low, mid, high) of each. For example, my ex *consistently* displayed every behavior of a Covert, mid-range Narcissist. It is unmistakable. Remember, it's not just a 1 or 2 time thing, because they're having a bad hair day. Look for *consistent pattern* and most importantly, pay close attention to how YOU feel around this person. Don't ignore your feelings.

[lyrr]

narcissist really no empathy but wants you to care for them till your last breath

[Royal-Tee]

“The word ‘narcissist’ provides clarity for a set of behaviors.”

The video could have ended right there because the whole truth was told in that sentence!

[dyoung]

The last thing that narcissists thinks they are is a narcissist 😂. The narcissist that I know calls other people narcissist all of the time because he doesn’t see himself as a narcissist.

[kim]

I will stay forever single before I let another person into my life that is toxic and no good for me. That goes for friends too. I've done that WAY too many times, I settled. No more!

[EmiliaAndrews]

The lack of empathy or accountability. Constant need to dismiss my thoughts, feelings, accomplishments or needs. Redirecting topics to get off topic. Never getting any support or finding a way to manipulate the situation just to not have to do anything productive. Then create emergent or urgent scenarios to get what they want or need immediately. And, the rages - the rages - plus walking away from a conversation - bc mine are arguments while his are always discussions. 😔 28 years

[JenJen-sbaby]

"Do you feel crazy on a consistent basis"? Yeppers

[kristinlina]

6 years into this relationship... There's no doubt now, he has NPD... Vulnerable narcissist, and its killing me -slowly. I'll be 37 on the 15th, and have just come to the realization that my mother has either NPD or BPD. No matter which one she has, it had lead me to this very toxic, life-sucking, mind-f$&#ing relationship. More times than I'd like to admit, not breathing anymore had been a fleeting option

[cherrybacon]

At first you can't tell because you take everything at face value and you trust them then over time as they manipulate and gaslight you (even then you won't realise who you're dealing with) you eventually get to s point where you've had enough. When you become educated THEN you begin ro understand just how toxic that relationship \person was.

[amyj.]

There is a difference between a bitter person, a narcissist, a toxic person. The person I dealt with did take accountability, and came to me to apologize for their own behavior with evidence. They have consoled me constantly. They have admitted to their own wrongs. They have confessed wrongdoings to me so many times. They did not blame me, for their short comings but also talked to me about things they have had problems with too many times to count. I'm a psychology major, and even my own therapist informed me that my former wasn't a narcissist. However, these bitter ass people insist on making this person be and sound like a narcissist. Plus, she always felt afraid to take up space amongst people, nothing grandiose about that. Experience constant bouts of guilt and shame. Wanted to be supportive of everyone in her community. And this person made me feel so amazing, until quarantine. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's true bitter women, label others as narcissistic if they get rejected by this individual.

[mywateverlife]

That last part hit home. I say something to this man like 3 years ago and he still speaks about it up to this day and every year I find out about another woman. And whenever I find out about these women, he brings up wat I said from 3 years ago and that he can't trust me. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[cylaphillips]

Why do I feel like a narcissist sometimes? I was such a glowing, upbeat, caring, , positive person before meeting and being in a relationship with my ex. Now I feel more desensitized and bitter and I feel like I have a wall around me that I am not open or relate to people as well as I did before my relationship with the narcissist. I almost feel like he took some of my good traits and I got some of his bad. Now I feel like I have a lot of work to do to feel trust and open to others. It gets me down sometimes thinking about the "heap" of emotional issues I accumulated since being with the narcissist. The trauma was never as deep coming out of relationships before the one with the Narcissist.

[MissStood]

I swear I’ve been watching your videos hoping to realize he isn’t one. But the more I watch, the more I’m scared of him. Thank you so much your videos are eye opening.

[erinmorrow]

'You don't need the diagnosis...'.

Exactly. Besides, you will have a tough time getting them to therapy, and even if you do, it is hard to find a counselor who knows anything about these people.