This is what TERRIBLE Dialogue Looks Like: How to Not Write a Book? (Reading Your Submissions Ep 15)

There are many things to not do when writing dialogue. This writer does all of those things. So let's discuss what he can do different.

[konstantinosntelirabakas]

ye, it really needs a whole amount of editing, i write messily at first and then do edits. this version is like after 2 rough edits, 1 heavy, 1 light. so it's like in an alpha state, pre-beta. Anyway, really sucks that you couldn't get past that though :p . i wanted to get some feedback on the story and the non-editorial aspect of it.

[thescribe]

The exclamation points don't bother me as much as the Hahaha and the ... thing. I also wonder if the story starts in the right place. Maybe starting with the boy would be more effective. Interesting start with potential. Thanks to the author for sharing.

[xedusk]

I can’t believe that bird brought a cat into your room.

[jakerockznoodles]

I think exclamation marks can be a very good tool in dialogue, but these are used way too much. If everything is emphasis, then nothing is.

[brokenentertainment]

Oh man. I can live with exclamation points, but the spelled out laughter hurts deep. I wouldn't have made it as far as you did. A good editor would fix much of that but this looks like someone who has not been exposed enough to standard dialogue.

[jonolas]

I don't know, it doesn't seem so bad to me. It's not a common way to convey dialogue, but it works within its own idiosincracy. It looks like a matter of style to me.

The only problem I see is capitalizing after the "..."

[nocount]

I don’t think anything grinds my gears quite as much as stopping the story so the author can grandstand about the inclusiveness of their book (which is usually sonething really shallow like sexuality, ) or ending every descriptive word with -ly. Both are common in even the best stories that get narrated on this site to an unfortunate degree.

[JackxShannon]

2:22 all boars are male, aren't they?