Challenges Facing NT Wives Who Are Married to Men on the Autism Spectrum

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[markhutten]

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[ivispark]

You hit the nail on the head. Disappointment. Loneliness. Increasing resentment.
I have learned that as a wife of a man with high functioning autism, it is crucial to have a strong support network and you have to be ok with exploring your own interests (and not needing to even really talk about them to him that much). He does surprise me from time to time tho and it’s very meaningful. He is capable of being supportive as much as he can, but he also gets drained easily thinking about interests that aren’t his. He may try but it is very obvious that it is like pulling teeth for him. I used to get mad and hurt by this and feel so alone, but the truth is that he loves me more fiercely than anyone else ever has. He simply operates from a very different place than me. One key is you really need to have more than a couple shared interests. And you may have to dig together to find some of them. The main thing is that he is sincerely trying. And a lot of times, I just have to tell him I am feeling disconnected from him and he is eager to make things right as best he can. Btw, our sex life is excellent!

[raquelreyes]

I spend years just dealing with it all alone..
Hopeing..Hoping... hoping he would come around. As soon as I researched and learned what was going on I realized he has autism. Initially he was Masking... only saying what he would want in life. But as I waited and waited working hard to catch everything falling from his hands... I became worn and tired. I could have worked harder to keep us together. But I decided this would litterly kill me. So I picked up and I made the effort to leave. I am ok.

[PeaceOfMind_]

Anyone who wants to get into any sort of a relationship with an AS should be informed about the difficulties they're likely to face.

[smonline]

You forgot to mention difficulties in sex life, as aspires sometimes don’t adjust or read well the process. I went through clinical depression, therapy, years of arguing and suffering for nothing

[christianolson]

I relate to everything in this video. My ND huaband and I are at a fork on the.road with our marriage after years of unfruitful therapy, etc. We love one another but arent meeting one.anothers needs. Its really sad and disheartening.

[KellyBell]

I am just discovering what is so wrong in our family!
My husband and I moved NEXT DOOR (100feet) to his parents 6 years ago. They are in their 80’s and on a small farm.
I have finally figured out what is wrong in their marriage AND OURS too!
His father, I am confident has AS and was never ever diagnosed. I read that it is passed on. I believe my husband has AS although in some ways he is not the same as his dad.
His dad has done all sorts of things throughout their years that ended up very very badly. Like taking on building a home and once it was barely live-able, moved his family in based on finishing it later. That never happened! They lived for 12 years without a ceiling, only rafters overhead, no walls separating rooms, only plywood for countertops, no doors on bathrooms etc. He never finished it and left them struggling like this yet would buy himself a brand new pickup with all the extras which they couldn’t afford. Failure in many business attempts. Everyone has tried to figure out WHY he is like this always. I could go on and on but, he’s intelligent in some ways, arrogant, hurtful, rude and combative. He drinks daily which compounds everything. Our lives are constantly in turmoil over some decision he has made that the rest of us end up stuck with. Like getting into the cattle business but never sells any cattle and is going broke buying feed for cattle for years now, yet running to the food bank because they cannot afford their own groceries.
I don’t know how to let someone know that he has AS without them taking it all wrong. Numerous other problems besides these but too much too list. Their marriage has been miserable for 65 years. 😢

[yawninggreyhound]

This is so useful!!!! The trip analogy was so enlightening. 30 years in w/ suspected UndxAsh. Extremely nice man. Unintentionally mean at times but with repeated boundary setting, diminished episodes. Thank you!

[alexmandin]

This is why I’d rather date a woman who is also on the spectrum instead of NT because of those legitimate reasons because with that being a thing there’s been a lot of positives that go on with it over the fact that they understand each other and there happy and it would be something wroth doing if I can