I Ruined My Life

What happens when you go against all the advice everyone gives you and ruin your life? In this video, I reflect on how I ruined my life two years ago and the fallout from it.

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WHO AM I?
Hey there, I’m Cinzia DuBois. I’m a part-time, self-funded PhD student and YouTuber, Podcaster and writer. I’ve been creating videos for over thirteen years. I discuss productivity, personal development, PhD, academia and mental well-being on this channel. On my main channel, I talk about all things dark and ancient history, literature and folklore.

Chapters:
0:00 Introduction
0:46 Let's talk money
1:15 Relationships
3:06 Why it was necessary to ruin my life
4:39 PhD Update
7:45 Documenting my Ruined Life

[intellectgrime]

"Yes I technically ruined my life but I'm an ancient history student and I'm in love with ruins" is the best line I've heard in a video in a long time. Thank you for sharing :)

[ms.bronte]

I "ruined" my life by leaving the software field to pursue my PhD in literature. I started teaching and took my first class this semester yesterday. Cheers to pursuing our passions! This was a perfect video, thank you.

[Angy]

Your statement about not needing to prove your academic abilities to anyone was something I really needed to hear. Thanks for sharing this insight into your life 💖

[rachelpepper]

“ I kept myself small to make others feel better about themselves”. That resonated with me in a big way.

[tylerreed]

“I spent nearly three decades as a people pleasing doormat” I sure felt that one. I didn’t really start being a people pleaser until after high school but it’s something I’m already sick of and wish I could get away from. I’m more than happy to subscribe to you

[fancydeer]

When you stop living to please others you realize how many people truly appreciate you for who you are.

[MCracknell]

‘I’m an ancient history student, and I’m in love with ruins.’ Is such a sentiment that I fully understand. I’m currently doing my masters in ancient history and this hits really hard because I completely understand everything that you’ve been saying.

[anearzelus]

I turned 30 this year and the vibes and life philosophy you are showing in this video is what I find myself aspiring to: to feel fulfilled, and living a slower life. It was really nice seeing my sentiment reflected in someone else. I love your mythological content and I'm really happy to hear you are in a good place in your life. This was a very uplifting and inspirational video hahaha

[BeyondtheHiggs]

The academic jealousy is real. I am the first person in my family to go to college, for both a bachelors and masters degree. As the youngest female member of a Hispanic family, I got the most push back from my mother and grandmother.

When I graduated with my masters, I didn't tell my family about my schooling until I was 2 weeks away from graduating. My now husband then boyfriend was amazing though.

[ExLibris-Alys]

I’m so glad that you’re comfortable in your own skin and happy at last. I used to worry about you when I watched your videos years ago. Well done 👏🏻 😊

[vivianbrasilhelms]

After a lifetime as a doormat, I too, ruined my life by walking away from a job, friendships and relationships that just brought me down. Alone has never felt so liberating! Makes me happy to see you do well ❤

[passivezealot]

Im very glad to hear that even though youve "ruined your life" youre happier in your life and feel more fulfilled. I have been there myself

[yb]

Not skipping adverts on this one, you’ve literally touched upon my biggest problem that I’ve too scared to face. I’ve been sacrificing my well-being for others to promote their own comfort and it’s brought me crippling anxiety and depression. It gives me hope that things may change.

[fshbulb]

You wouldn't believe how happy it makes me to hear how well you're doing mentally. I've been here a while and your mental health struggles are similar to my own, and hearing the pain that you had gone through broke my heart ❤
Best of luck going into your second year!

[reginamndii]

You are just what i need. I am 21 and I fucked it up my life so bad. So so so bad. I study smth I hate and I want to drop off bcz im interested and talented in tottaly different career. I noticed it just a year ago, while i was crying hating my all life and asked myself "what do I really enjoy and want to do rest of my life ?" It was there for the whole time I was just soooo fkin blind to see it. Now I dont want to waste more of my life and want to drop off uni that I hate. The university itself, the classmates, professors, the city, the dorm, every second I waste on a path that doesnt get me to my true self, I hate it all. I hope I can fix my mistakes, and live a life that is mine. You are my idol.

[stephb]

I ruined mine by exchanging a soul crushing, socially acceptable and rather lucrative career for one as a tattoo artist, which slowly is becoming lucrative but by golly is it light years more rewarding and definitely in tune with my inner self. I now have a role in an ancient tradition and feel a far deeper connection to the history I so love as a result. I get to make living art. 💕💕 Kudos to you for taking that frightening step to traverse the unknown, your truest self was always going to be on the other side of it.

[lynseymacmakeup]

"I'm very much in love with the ruins of my life so far" is one of the loveliest things I've ever heard 😭❤

This whole video is fantastic, I'm so happy for you.

[stephaniem]

I really needed this video. As someone who left a career to return to study in my early 30s and now relies on part time work and welfare to get by, it can be really isolating. Especially when everyone you know is buying a house and getting married whilst my mum is convinced I'm going to become a bag lady on the streets.
But it is exactly how you describe as well! My mental and physical health have never been better and I've never been happier because I have the time and space to take care of myself properly whilst studying something I really love.

So thank you Cinzia for making me feel less alone, definitely subscribing!

[holyfreak]

Happiness is not a destination, but a path we build and walk day by day. Thanks for sharing this Cinzia. Sometimes I feel the same and I can relate to what you said here.

[daniedeville]

Your new life is going to cost you your old one. I always called it “have to light my life on fire” but I’m happy for you! I’m so happy to see you being so happy! I’ve followed you for years and the old not spending videos to now, even the way you talk now is so different - the confidence in your voice and self. Love this for you ♥️