Taking back the joys the narcissist 'ruined'

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[شهرزاد_نور_محمدي]

*‘Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.’*

[mahery]

Revisiting my joy has been as simple as watching tv shows I wasn’t allowed to watch with him, listening to ‘my music’, and even eating/cooking food he didn’t allow me to eat. It’s liberating but also really heartbreaking that I allowed myself to be controlled over such simple things.

[youngblood]

"The enemy doesn't stand a chance, when the victim decides to survive!"
Roe Smithing

[msangieluzu]

I never knew how damaged I was until I started reading other survivors stories and it’s very similar to mine, it’s the simplest of things that seem mundane but is a very key piece to recovery and normalcy

[earleendoute]

Thank You Dr. Ramini.. I am tucked in bed, in a Motel in Georgia, on my way to Florida, by myself, ( with my dog. ). I left a Narcissistic marriage 18 months ago. Every trip we took was always planned by him, and what he wanted to do. Now I am driving to Florida and although some memories come back as I pass landmarks, I am smiling, thinking about MY TRIP.. My life is beginning to return. Many thanks to you. Your YouTube channel has talked me through the rough times, and has shown me that I can survive this.

[MaryFaulds]

This is something I realized in 2020 after my divorce in 2019. Strangely in a year of a lot of struggle for everyone, I started reclaiming things for myself. It brought so much joy back to my life. I needed it for my personal healing

[susanruiz]

I was totally agreeable to everything. I'm a simple person who would have liked a simple life. Even when I did make a suggestion of what I liked I was overridden everytime. My living my life on my terms now and loving every minute of it. I can't thank you enough for the all the wisdom you impart to us survivors. In Christ love

[jeannetteplaza]

"Go back and laugh in the places you've cried"... that was the message on a meme I saw and I have made it my focus as I heal from the lifelong narcissistic abuse I have struggled with beginning with my parents in childhood and continuing on with the choices I have made in relationships. At 52 I am finally healing! Thank you!

[BrendaLG]

20 years later and I’m still struggling with this sometimes. He always made me feel so unworthy and undeserving of the things that made me happy. Hobbies, music, a good book, a favorite meal, sleeping late…so many things.

[joshuaanzalone]

Being alone and doing what I want and finding that inner joy again has been so freeing. Cutting off family and toxic people is so enjoyable. Learning to say NO is so freeing as well. Now they can all argue amongst each other because I refuse to give my time or energy to narcs. I've grown and I'm not the same person. I no longer tolerate foolishness or childishness.

[aprilbundy]

Going to court tomorrow with my narcissistic abuser to get a large amount of personal financial control in my life back. I will be watching and listening to your videos all day every moment I have some down time.

[theworkplaceabuseexperts]

RAMANI IS NOTHING SHORT OF EFFING BRILLIANT.🎉

[zoundstreetop]

My mother ruined holidays for me and then my ex ruined holidays for all of us. It would be nice for us to collectively not dread December.

[flossyflue]

Finding myself again is the hardest of all.

[starlingswallow]

Music ❤
Yes. The last 4-5 years I was with him, I stopped listening to music altogether. It was too painful. Up until that point the songs all had themes of love, reconciliation, passion....and our marriage and my existence with him held none of these things...it was too depressing.
Now, with my now husband, I relish and bask in the beauty of music because I have love, passion and a relationship that is healthy and beautiful!

[lcblue]

I lost so many things- friends who he ‘didn’t like’, food that he didn’t want to eat(so I didn’t cook for fear he would have a tantrum), music he didn’t like, places that i loved to go-and I have loved finding all those things again and in turn finding myself. It is unbelievable to me know that I allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled to such a degree that I was a husk of a person but that’s what a narcissist does to you. I was married for 30 years and have been free for 18months - just beginning to relax and enjoy myself again and it is so wonderful.

[gypsygirl]

The entire Adele 21 album caused so much pain, regret, and rumination. I couldn't turn on the radio with hearing Rolling in the Deep. Now I'm proud of how far I've come. I can enjoy the songs for the masterpieces they are.

[eetchooarn]

To everyone out there healing, good luck and all the best!

[alessandrasaenz]

I did feel the joy sucked out of me by the ex and then my narcissistic mother. I couldn't hear or sing The Winner Takes it All by ABBA. After a few years and of watching your videos and some NAAA meetings I was finally able to sing it again and even enjoy it. Thank you so much. Many blessings

[cwayzums]

The story I wanted to share here is not about listening to a particular song, but rather about making music. My narcissistic parents had forced me to participate in the family band my entire childhood into adulthood (until I cut ties with them). Now I am revisiting the joy of playing musical instruments and sharing it with my kiddos. It’s a really interesting feeling. After the joy of music had been “narcissistically abused away”, I started to associate the musical instruments with trauma and it is just now that I look forward to the (healthy) challenge of learning to play or record a song that I hear on the radio. NO pressure to perform, NO judgements and NO criticism from the narcissists. Thanks for this video Dr. Ramani. I can relate to it so much and I’m glad you yourself have found the joy in music once again.