Teacher REFUSES to Help her Student... | AITBA

Thank you guys for loving my AITBA (Am I the Bad Apple) series as much as I love you all!

00:00 Introduction
00:40 Faking Autism
07:56 Stealing Nephew's Dog
12:27 Parents Wont Buy New Clothes
17:03 Reacher Refuses to Accommodate Student

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[Rebecca.Rogers]

Based on the responses I receive from both YouTube and Instagram, I’m thinking 3 PM Eastern time might be a good change for posting times! Thoughts??

I also made this episode a little bit more mean heavy and last photo heavy like last week, do you guys have a preference?

[hockeynut]

Back to the Autism discussion I remember hearing a quote years ago " if you've met one person with Autism you've met ONE PERSON with Autism" because it is such a broad spectrum, my wife teaches at a school for kids with Autism and we have learned so much about the disability

[silverdoe]

I got my diagnosis as an adult, many females display different symptoms to boys, as well as masking. I could go a whole day without any visible symptoms. It’s what happens behind closed doors or when something doesn’t goes as planned I have meltdowns.

It’s not a single scale, mild vs severe. I have severe issues as well as milder & they are separate.

[amberyoung]

This first story- I. Want. To. SCREAM!!! My son had autism, I could go off on a rant but not gonna. He got bullied in school and thank God his older sister was there for him. Don't pretend you have something you don't, it's offensive as hell. My son also had a rare form of cancer and is gone now. I hate this happened to this poor kid..

[ThinMint]

Story #1: I wouldn’t assume people are faking autism. You don’t really know people and what’s going on with them. I’ve surprised people when I told them I was diagnosed with autism when I was 2, but I’ve been struggling my whole life. Some of the neurodivergent awareness trends on social media are just that: increasing awareness, especially when women are often misdiagnosed, or neglected in diagnosis.

Still a bunch of crab apples except the therapist. The therapist is right.

[cammie]

Just a heads up for story one, the puzzle piece ribbon is really hurtful for a lot of autistic folks. The organization it represents thinks that autism can be cured and should be. It also focuses on how hard it is for families and makes it clear that they believe the autistic person is a burden.

[GnomePickles]

On the second story, my uncle had to leave for training for his military service and left his cat, Powen, with us during it. I was a four year old boy and loved that cat more then life itself. He was my best friend. When my uncle came back he took back Powen and I tearfully asked why he was taking what I thought was my kitty. My uncle informed me that Powen was his kitty and he had missed his best friend but I was always welcome to come give him treats and play with him. I spent so much time at my uncle's house cuddling that cat. He still has pictures I drew of all of us together. You're 100% right in your judgment.

[MuseVT]

I have big feelings about this as a professionally diagnosed autistic. I’m disabled, and as an adult I have a formal evaluation written by a neurologist for accommodations in college. One of those accommodations is even to be allowed to record lessons to listen back to because my mental processing speed is below average.

That being said, I didn’t go into the doctor neurotypical and come out autistic. I went in autistic and came out with a piece of paper confirming I’m autistic. Okay it wasn’t actually that fast, it took about a month from the first visit to receiving the paper diagnosis lol.

My point is, self-dx is valid to a point. My evaluation cost $5, 000. My insurance covered it, but many people aren’t so lucky and as a teacher (or former teacher rather?) I’m sure you can relate to not having $5k to shell out on a single evaluation. Self-dx is often a necessary component of getting an evaluation in the first place. Unless you’re a nonspeaking, emotionally dysregulated, fidgety, (usually male) child, you’re unlikely to be diagnosed prior to school age. Come school age, you need to be the one to recognize something is different and communicate that to an adult that will listen. This period comes with a lot of confusion about your own identity. By middle school, you may look for answers online about your differences. That research may lead you to a label. That label lists symptoms. While confirmation bias is a valid concern, it doesn’t invalidate the fact that many people need that confirmation in themselves before feeling confident enough to speak to a doctor. It’s not easy for a child to say “I think I might be autistic” to a doctor. Especially if they don’t have a primary physician that they have rapport with.

Now, I do disagree with the current trend of people impetuously diagnosing themselves. It’s a dangerous precedent to see a couple TikToks and decide “hey that’s me”. But at the end of the day, it’s important to feel comfortable talking openly about things you can relate to because that can lead people to finding answers. Shaming people for self-dx might just push them back into secrecy and keep them from speaking to a doctor because if their peers won’t accept them then why would an adult they might barely know?

[stitchy]

I have severe ADHD and I used to be like the first person. But masking is a thing and maybe that person has been masking their whole life and when they get diagnosed to becomes more apparent.
Also being Neuro divergent is a VERY large spectrum. For example, There’s different types of autism. As I said it’s a very large spectrum.

[eloisedevant]

As a diagnosed autistic person I absolutely agree with you for most of the first story-the only thing I disagree about is that self-diagnosis is absolutely valid-there are definitely times where someone’s self diagnosis isn’t “correct” but there are SO many barriers to diagnosis that it can be nearly impossible for some people to get a diagnosis even if they match all of the criterion. But there is definitely a difference between “oh I saw 1 tiktok about autism I’m definitely autistic” and many forms of self diagnosis that involve months of research. I was self diagnosed for years before I could afford a professional diagnosis and it helped me have an identity and get help!

[staind.raindrop]

Story 3:
Maybe the daughter learned some behavior from the mom, but the dad not caving on his punishment says he sees how big a deal this issue is. He's even writing in for support because it matters enough to reach out, and the fact that he considered caving doesn't necessarily indicate that he doesn't grasp the severity of the problem - it shows that he's passive, which is the opposite of the aggressiveness that is bullying. So he's not the source of the bully modeling - if anyone is, it's the mom, considering she isn't appalled enough to enforce the discipline.

Yes, "no new clothes" can seem way too lenient for such a big issue, but everyone has different priorities and you have to get their attention by hitting them where it hurts. If new clothes is the thing that she adores the most in her life, it's going to hurt her a lot more than grounding or whatever when she can just do whatever she wants while she's stuck grounded at home and she still gets her favorite thing in the world, so, no loss - no regrets.

Losing the privilege of her precious recreational retail also means she has to work with the clothes she has and maybe it could give her a little empathy for the situation of having limited clothing options, hopefully making her less likely to mock someone else for their clothing situation after experiencing how it feels to walk in their worn down shoes. I felt that was quite appropriate considering she overvalues clothing so much as to base someone's worth as a human on what they're wearing.

I do agree, though, that adding deeper layers to the sentence would be more likely to impact her meaningfully, but I don't agree with berating the father for seeking much-needed external support on how to implement a crucial correction as a parent. I also don't agree with telling someone what they're doing wrong and telling them to do better without offering suggestions on what "doing better" looks like specifically, such as giving ideas for what punishment would be considered more fitting or appropriate for the bullying since taking away her clothes shopping was so infuriatingly unsatisfactory to you. What punishment would be better -- specifically??

[ammiethehammie]

The bullying issue in story 3 hit home for me. I was severely picked on my entire childhood and teenhood. I first tried to unalive myself at age 11 and started self harming around that age. Now at age 30 and over 3 years self harm free with kids of my own, I made a promise to my inner child to teach my children to do better. You never know what another person is going through. If I find out my kids are bullies there will be consequences! I appreciate how emphatic you were about the girls behavior and parents lack of discipline.

[sarahfairweather]

Just so you know, the puzzle ribbon shouldn't be used to represent autism. I'm not autistic but some of my friends and family who are, have told me that it negatively represents autism as something that needs to be solved. I know you didn't mean it negatively, it's just so you know for next time

[nino_wolf]

I think Story 3 is poetic justice. She makes fun of people's clothes so she gets no new clothes. An eye for an eye.

[breemari]

For story #3, I’ve had a close friend unalive himself cause of bullying and racism. It’s a very serious topic. The daughter definitely needs more than no new clothes

[Kiddly]

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 24 years old by 4 doctors and females show autism differently than males

[jimmyrittmann]

Regarding the Autism story, I have mixed feelings.

Background- I am an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) who has worked for over a decade in mental health, including with patients or clients with ASD.

On one hand, I feel like I have seen the sand trend, where people are send identifying as autistic, and it did seem like it's for popularity. On the other, getting diagnosed with Autism is harder than you'd think, because you generalities have to complete testing with a psychologist, which is costly and takes forever to get into. In addition, many dispute the diagnostic criteria, since the main criteria haven't evolved much over the years, despite the main research population these criteria were based on was young, white, males. We do know that many mental illnesses present differently across race, gender, and socioeconomic background. I don't have a good answer, because both sides have very valid points.

[dudewhatthewhat]

Honestly the teacher making sure something bad wasn’t happening is great. Like, if she was bullied by that kid, it would have been a different story. However this isn’t about dating, or playing wingman to 7 year olds. It about friends and for all we know, her and Kyle could turn out to be amazing friends

[Fairywithabunker]

Story 1:
The story hit a nerve for me. My brother has Autism where he can't talk probably and has the mental age of 5 I think. People shouldn't be making having a disability a trend. I agree with you that OP is a crab apple. He has the right to be upset and standup for themselves but, shouldn't have accused the other person.

[AshleysAdvice]

I myself am disabled, and while I don’t have autism, I do have a mental disability caused from the umbilical cord at birth, that gave me a tonne of other disabilities. I found it really hard in school and unfortunately some students and even teachers found me to be quite weird at times and occasionally were a little disrespectful, I had one teacher who did not understand my disability at all, and I had to drop the class, as she was not willing to make accommodations for me, unfortunately there are a lot of teachers like that. This was drama, something I was excited to take and it could’ve been a lot of fun, however she was not willing to make the class accessible for me and to this day. This is something that is always stuck with me.